Beer

[Victimorthecrime]

4 hours ago, Lodz said:

Thank god for cannabis

I smoked weed like a lunatic in HS and college.  Had some good times but quit my senior year of college because it was making me feel like an idiot. Once I was 21 I just dove head first into alcohol.  

[Victimorthecrime]

I was out w a friend for part of the afternoon but we did not drink any beer even though that was something we talked about.  I told him I would prefer to not drink because I was feeling good & did not want to fuck it up. He understood and agreed so we went to Burger King and Dunkin Donuts instead.  It was good to get out a little.  

[Victimorthecrime]

After feeling mostly ok yesterday I got very anxious last night and I drank 2 can of Genesse Cream Ale.  It was enjoyable and I soon got to sleep so no harm done really.  

[Victimorthecrime]

It crossed my mind to imbibe the last couple of nights but I refrained.  Now tonight is Christmas Eve so I may have something much later but we'll see.  Maybe not.  

It's not a moral thing, my not drinking, I just want to feel good to get things done.  

 

[Klingsor]

I bought some champagne and had some. I wish I had access to pills but I don't. 

[Victimorthecrime]

Hope you enjoyed your champagne Klingsor!  

I managed to stay sober last night so that much is good.  

Merry Christmas everyone  🎄 

 

[Victimorthecrime]

Well I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed.  My friend that  hang w on New Year's Eve has a bad flu/cold so I am home alone.  He really did sound very sick and I am glad he called me because I ain't trying to catch a cold.  

The problem is that I am feeling very anxious and discontent at the moment so if I don't settle down by like 10pm or so I just might say "fuck it" and crack a beer. 

[Victimorthecrime]

Ended up going to bed early, not drinking at all.  It is 10 degrees here now.  I went outside for a minute w my decaf. A minute was all I needed before heading back inside.  The whole week is going to be this cold w snow possible Thursday.  

[IrmaJean]

It's been brutally cold here all week. My phone tells me it's -10 outside right now. Hopefully my vehicle starts okay for my noon work shift. Stay warm!

[Victimorthecrime]

Wow I was gonna ask you if you were working. You are a hard worker, God Bless.  I am back to work tomorrow, mixed feelings about.  Partly I am feeling bored and will be glad to be busy.  

[Victimorthecrime]

Total power outage and it is going down to 33 degrees tonight.  It was the same last night.  It's ok I am super bundled up and have candles.  

I bought a case of Moosehead for later figuring I deserve that much after all this.  Most of the traffic lights are out and it is mayhem out there. But I managed to get beer, gas and pizza and plan to go to bed early so all good.  

This phone is losing power & I can only charge it in the car so I will mostly be off line after this.  

Times like this I say to myself "if this is the worst thing that ever happens to me then I am way ahead of the game".  Peace ✌️ 

[IrmaJean]

Oh, wow, that sucks. We got a foot of snow from this most recent storm, but we were fortunate this time around and only lost power for about half an hour. I have been through the days long thing before, though, and it's no fun, especially if it's cold. Stay warm, Vic! I hope the power returns soon.

[Victimorthecrime]

Power is back on!  Also I only had 3 beers so I should be reasonably functional today.

[Victimorthecrime]

Proud of myself for not drinking last night (Sat) because I was tempted to.  If there is a reason to drink then I don't mind but not just because it's the weekend.  A legit reason would be hanging w friends, going to a concert, vacation time, some sort of special success, or something something bad like a power outage where I need it to not go crazy.  

The reason for the not drinking is that life is hard enough so I don't need to make it harder.

[malign]

I thought about 'liking' this, but I don't do social media, and it made me think about why.  What I came up with is that a 'like' means you didn't feel like typing something more personal, like:

Way to go!  That last sentence contains enough for a whole book, and not just about recovery.  Most of us are doing something we thought would help, or maybe even did help for a while, but in the long run, just adds another problem.  Seeing that is the only way to get yourself to stop trying it.

[LaLa]

Sorry for 'liking' both posts, Mark  .

4 minutes ago, malign said:

Seeing that is the only way to get yourself to stop trying it.

Yes, but why seeing that sometimes doesn't help at all??? (Fortunately, not in  Vic's case, as it seems.) 

 

[IrmaJean]

I find that it helps to encourage and care for myself through the written word. It helps me stay centered, calm, and rational. I think too that it has helped me to cultivate a healthy inner voice. I hope it does the same for you.

Good for you about your abstinence from alcohol! It's good too that you recognize this and feel proud of yourself. *insert thumbs up smiley here* 

 

[malign]

Lala,  Not to take too much of Vic's thread, but ... Recognition is only one step.  Other steps might include:  valuing oneself enough to want something better, finding something that works better, and overcoming the fear that comes with replacing something that used to work.

And there are probably other steps that might be person- or original-problem-specific.

[Victimorthecrime]

Take all the thread you please everyone.  

[LaLa]

53 minutes ago, Victimorthecrime said:

Take all the thread you please everyone.  

Is that sarcastic? 

Sorry for having "hitchhiked" your thread  .

[Victimorthecrime]

No no not sarcastic at all.  I have always said that.  I enjoy talking to people and encourage comments.  

[LaLa]

I'd supposed that, but... I preferred to ask . I'm sure in this case, it was my English that "betrayed me", because I wouldn't have expected such kind of sarcasm of you, yet the sentence sounded totally sarcastic to me. Hm.

Thanks, Vic, for the explanation as well as for your encouragement  .

[Victimorthecrime]

@LaLa - you very welcome.  Sorry for any misunderstanding.  I could have worded it better.  🙂

Again, always feel free to comment.  I very much enjoy it.  

[LaLa]

Thank you  .

This thread sounds so encouraging. I always like to see people to succeed to overcome their 'dangerous temptations'. (But it doesn't seem to give me hope to overcome mine anymore... *sigh*)

[Victimorthecrime]

One of the techniques I use when I am temped to drink is I ask myself "what's it going to do?".  This always helps because I know the answer is "nothing good".  

I am sharing this just in case it helps you @LaLa or anyone else here.  

I also have occasional problems w overeating and consuming way too much coffee.  Both are bad for me but not as bad as alcohol.  

Amother problem has reemerged:  experiencing really negative thoughts from out of nowhere.  Over the weekend and this morning too I found myself saying "I hate my life" and "I wish I could end it".  I sometimes said it out loud.  It's very frustrating because I don't really feel that way but sometimes my tension and anxiety boil over and it seems like these extreme statements act as a circuit breaker that snap me out of a downward spiral.