Jump to content
Mental Support Community

Recommended Posts

16 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

experiencing really negative thoughts from out of nowhere.  Over the weekend and this morning too I found myself saying "I hate my life" and "I wish I could end it".  I sometimes said it out loud.  It's very frustrating because I don't really feel that way but sometimes my tension and anxiety boil over and it seems like these extreme statements act as a circuit breaker that snap me out of a downward spiral.  

TRIGGER WARNING [SUICIDE]

Not sure if it's "out of nowhere". But perhaps it's just a way to express other feelings (than real suicidality) in a way that is so often heard and seen "around": Similarly to swearing; we learn that some words convey some kinds of emotions and we don't mean them literally. Think of the F word - would you ever wonder "why would I want someone to literally "f... themselves" (ehm; if such a thing is/was possible)? It's out of nowhere; I don't want people to do that!" It seems to me that for some people and in some cases, saying things like "I'd wish to kill myself" is similar to swearing - it is a way to "vent" some emotions, not an expression of a real wish. But as we are (mainly of we are part of a community like this, with so many suicidal people!) habituated to beware of this kind of speech and thinking as it's seen as a huge risk factor of suicide, we take it perhaps too literally when it's not meant that way and it scares us. Doing it in case of others is a good way to be cautious, because "you never know [how much serious they are]", but if it's oneself who thinks / says that, I'm not sure being too alarmed is good, in case if, at the same time, one doesn't agree with the "suicidal statements". What do you think? I hope you see I'm not diminishing your suffering! I think it is important to address the reasons that lead to such thoughts! I'm only trying to re-direct the attention from the perhaps "exaggerated" perceived danger of the thoughts themselves to thinking about some positive changes that might be done to increase wellbeing (instead of being focused on "preventing suicide", thus still thinking (also) about death instead of more constructive reflections). (Sorry; I wrote this in a too complicated way - sometimes I overdo the attempt not to be misconstrued and it comes out less clear :redface:.)

16 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

when I am temped to drink is I ask myself "what's it going to do?".  This always helps because I know the answer is "nothing good".  

TRIGGER WARNING [BINGING]

OK, I'll try saying this to myself explicitly and out loud. But when I'm "in the temptation/craving/... mode", I cannot care about logical arguments nor even about myself and my future. I just "don't care at all" and do the worst thing. (In my case, it's overeating and... even though I want not to have any junk-food around (it doesn't help much because I can binge healthy food as well if there's no junk around, or I can create "unhealthy food" out of "healthy" ingredients - it's all about the amount, obviously), I also, sometimes, switch to the "disconnected (from reason)" mode in shops and buy some junk. For instance, I buy it telling myself: "I'm going to teach myself self-control: I won't eat the whole bag of chips at once, but I'll eat only a little bit each day during the week, so it will make me feel good about my self-control." And then I eat it all on my way (!!!) home, not caring at all about anything :( .  And... I'd always used to be very interested in healthy eating etc.; I know very well how and why what food is bad for me, so... there's no lack of info or lack of reasons to fear the consequences; there's just "a switch" in my brain that makes me totally indifferent towards everything except for "tasting something moreish for the longest time possible".) I hope very much my descriptions won't influence you nor anyone else negatively! I'm afraid it may have a negative impact; reading about people like me who've lost their self-control and ignore any reasonable advise although they do agree with the advise. :( ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey @LaLa thanks for the thoughtful response.  Let me first clearly say I am not all suicidal. I still enjoy my life despite it's challenges.  My mind does sometimes blurts out these negative statements but I am working on the unhappiness that causes it.  I think I have formulated something of a plan.  It's staring to take shape.  The last six weeks were hell dealing w sickness (flu) and snow and it forced me to use up valuable vacation time.  That and a host of other little things going wrong left me feeling upset.  

Sorry to hear about the over eating problem.  I have gained a few pounds this last month.  I was doing well being a semi vegetarian but then developed a craving for sweets - cake and pie mostly.  I hope to get back on track real soon for health and appearances reasons.  I wish you well w your struggle w it too.  

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alcohol is my only true crutch remaining because I no longer do drugs, I gave up smoking many years ago, I seldom gamble anymore, and my porn/sex addiction is under control.

Don't get me wrong, I've considered stopping drinking and I have cut down a lot but a few glasses of bourbon on Friday alway signifies the beginning of the weekend and a the last glass of bourbon on Sunday signifies the end. Unless I have a business dinner I do not drink Monday through Thursdays.

I know alcohol is not "good" for me but it does make me feel better by relieving stress and worry.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yesterday was Saturday and I am glad that I did not drink at all even though it was warm and I was tempted to.  

Today is Sunday and I have tomorrow off because my car needs work so I might treat myself to a few beers 🍻 tonight.  There is something about Sunday that makes me really enjoy alcohol when I have Monday off. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×