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tarun829

My father is a low level psychopath! What do I do?

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I have known for a long time that my father has issues like depression (which runs in the family), OCD and also something more than that also. Perhaps narcissistic P.D. But I was never sure. Then in December last year I started thinking deeply about my fathers behavior towards me as well as others. And suddenly one day it hit me that my father is a psychopath.

I had known this one standout characteristic of psychopaths for some time, and there was also this one very indicative incident connected to my father which happened around 2 years back. But I never made the connection previously, most probably due to my foolishness.

But once I made the connection, everything about my fathers behavior (which previously didn't add up to the depression or OCD) started making sense.

I have started this thread to get some practical tips on how to deal with a low level psychopath in your own home, because I have also learnt that, unfortunately, there is no treatment for psychopathy; and that they never change or learn from their mistakes.

The problem I have is that my father and I have not been speaking for the last more than 2 years, despite living in the same house, originating in his characteristic of not having even basic understanding or (genuine) caring for other people, including his own son (my father has always been treating my mother and me like trash). Moreover, he has always been insulting me (without mentioning me directly) in this period. And lastly he has also started verbally abusing me recently, by whispering them when he knows I am in the hearing range (& later denying them).

I have resorted to threat and later even broken some of his stuff by smashing it on the ground when he continued his behavior, all in the hope that he doesn't indulge in such insulting acts again.

But he just doesn't learn from his behavior (which, I think, is characteristic of psychopathy). Instead, he justifies his words by saying that he wasn't talking about me, even when it is clear that I was a target. He never apologizes. And he is shrewd.

What do I do? How do I deal with him? Leaving the house isn't an option since I am undergoing treatment for depression and am not working/no savings. Should I abuse him back?

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^^^ I read this earlier & had the same thought. There is always someone looking for a roommate, move out, move on and realize that your father can do anything he wants in his house. Not saying it's right, that is how it is.

Why are young people always so shocked when they see people behave badly? I am shocked when they don't!

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Thanks for your replies JaiJai & VictimofBullyingNo1cared.

My depression is actually not due to external environment, but rather it is due to genetics like I have mentioned. So I don't think staying on my own will help. In fact here atleast I have my mother to talk to, and if I stay on my own I will have no one to talk to, as currently I don't have ANY friends as I can't make friends due to my lack of gift of gab, which can be attributed to the depression. In short, I am really boring to have as a friend.

My depression is also not baby depression and is quite debilitating, so I can't even work or survive on my own. I was actually on my own for one year 5 years back, but the depression remained constant and I just spent a fortune ordering food from outside day and night.

The good thing is that my depression has improved since last year, and I am still expecting it to improve further due to the treatment I am undergoing.

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It can be really difficult if you start focusing on someone else as the source of your problems. Not that your dad or others can't be a source of problems; he certainly sounds abusive and bullies certainly do exist.

But if you focus on them as the sole source of your problems, you give up control of your own life. You start to live in reaction to them ("should I abuse him back?"), you start to demand them to change, and you stop thinking of ways that you can be yourself. In other words, it's probably useless to try to diagnose him, much less change your behavior based on the diagnosis. Certainly, you're not going to change his behavior. You're not qualified to make the diagnosis, and he isn't interested in treatment or change anyway. Instead, you need to figure out what you need in order to live, not what your father needs in order to let you.

That's where the advice to try living alone comes from, because at least then it's just you. Clearly, there are times when that isn't possible, or desirable, but then you have to make the extra effort to be you in the presence of the disturbance from others.

You made the statement that your depression is genetic as if you would only consider medical treatment (medication). Have you thought about getting counseling or talk therapy for yourself? At least they might be able to recommend things you could do when faced with your father's actions.

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Thanks malign for your reply.

3 individuals have recommended me to start living on my own, so obviously there has to be substance to this advice. But there is more to my problems than my fathers insults. And after considering all the pros and cons I have decided against it. At least for now.

I am 31, but have not yet spend a single day in an office working! So maybe when I start working and have my own money I can move to my own place. Right now I am getting healthy food, my moms company and free room which won't be there if I move to my own place.

I am doing better now than I was doing last year, but was doing even better in January/February. But then my father complained to my homeopath (behind my back) that I was getting aggressive because I broke his stuff. So my doctor stopped giving me that particular medicine that was actually doing a better job, thinking that the short temperament was the side effect of his medication.

Now I just have to convince him to restart that old medicine with my mothers help. I have already convinced my mother to take the "risk" of going back to the old medication.

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