Help for my teenage Son

[finding my way]

So glad you are able to sleep ok, and it looks like the summer weather is helping everyone too!!

Games! Such a great idea. Do you enjoy card games? Crazy 8's is fun. Are you able to get to a toy store? Blink is a card game a 5 y/o can play.

Do you have a Frisbee to play catch with? Badminton is very enticing. Statue is a tag game where you have to freeze if you are tagged; others can unfreeze you. What about waterballoons? That's super fun in the summer. Bean bags are easy to make. You can play target games with them or play catch. Some people juggle with them!

Hearthsong.com has great stuff if you want to buy some activities.

Art activities would be fun too. Do you have any paints? Your 5 y/o would enjoy that I'd think. Cutting out folded paper shapes that unfold all linked together... Coloring with crayons

Does any of that help?

[RG01]

That is brilliant arts and crafts excellent ideas for all yes we have cards and statues that is great. As for water balloons that is an epic one all these we have never done and will do today some of them At the moment Ryan is in playpen in garden with toys. Thanks for that findingmyway he will be coming in for his feed shortly and I think he needs a change too that'll be the 4th today must be all the fruit and veg Oh well. . I will let you know later how it goes Thanks again RG01

[RG01]

Thank you indeed finding my way I put a couple of these games in trial we had a great time. We had the Frisbee and statues. Also water ballooning I can safely sat that was a hit all of us down to the 5 year old got absolutely drenched. Ryan had to watch from his playpen and there was an obvious sign that he just wanted to get into the fun but wouldn't admit it. Not yet at any rate I am a patient man I can wait. We have had the greatest day the 5 year old started to fall asleep into his dinner at 7pm and finally I carried him up to bed still sleeping I think we wore him out. The rest of us were playing cards up to a little while ago. Ryan was put to bed at just gone 7pm after he'd been bathed and had his hair washed. The eldest Son did this chore while Mummy got his cot ready. Then she dried him off the she did all the babygro and nappy tonight. 14 year old read the nursery Rhymes to him. All is ok here tonight nothing else to report thanks again as always.

RG01

[malign]

I have a question: Does Ryan have any friends his own age? Having to remain a baby would eliminate all of those social contacts, assuming he has them. Anyway, that just occurred to me as another possible reason that could be put forward for him returning to an age-appropriate role. Heck, it might be part of why he'd want to avoid one. Everyone socializes with a baby ...

I assume this deal includes no computer time and no other access to social media or his peers. Probably no TV, either? In fact, it seems to confine him to his family, and it might be worth considering whether that's part of what he wants. Anyway, I support what you're trying, and I agree that your family seems to be going well beyond the pale in trying to help Ryan.

[RG01]

I have a question: Does Ryan have any friends his own age? Having to remain a baby would eliminate all of those social contacts, assuming he has them. Anyway, that just occurred to me as another possible reason that could be put forward for him returning to an age-appropriate role. Heck, it might be part of why he'd want to avoid one. Everyone socializes with a baby ...

I assume this deal includes no computer time and no other access to social media or his peers. Probably no TV, either? In fact, it seems to confine him to his family, and it might be worth considering whether that's part of what he wants. Anyway, I support what you're trying, and I agree that your family seems to be going well beyond the pale in trying to help Ryan.

Hi Malign.

Very good questions Yes he has a few really good friends and he had been talking to them long before this all happened apparently. They don't seem to mind as long as it don't involve them otherwise their attitude is whatever floats your boat.They did say they'll drop in at some stage. We have said that is up to him if he wants them to see him like this.So as far as we know they will be calling to us they'd phone us 1st before calling. The Therapist did mention friends and we told him that he has some and they know about Ryan but don't seem to mind. The therapist said as ong as they were supportive they could be allowed. As for gadgets ie phones tablets or computer absolutely not he's not allowed them that was the very 1st stipulation that both his mother and myself laid down. Social Media he had facebook up to last year and got rid of it he said the crap that people talk about in there was annoying his head as well as all the game requests etc he'd had enough. I believe he still has google+ account but not at the moment he doesn't. None of us do twitter. Television babytv allowed or childrens tv but otherwise no. The only phone Ryan is allowed to play with at the moment is the pull along one fisher price or another he has in toys box that does alphabet or counts numbers on keypad. He was told that if he wants to return to his phone or tv etc that he could anytime but he had to agree that he needs to be adult for that or confine his baby stuff to himself in room. Thus far he hasn't taken up the offer but someday soon hopefully a resolve will be found. Its going to be long and hard fought but we will get there. The family to each and everyone of us is very important and no matter what family 1st. That's the way we have bought them up I was too with mine. That's about it and again thank you for the reply Malign.

Take care all

RG01

[finding my way]

If this continues on for Ryan, I was wondering if he would be open to the "work" of being a baby... they have to develop and move on to the next step, whether it is learning to crawl, pull themselves up, potty training, etc... Would it help him to advance through the stages at some point?

Is Ryan able to express himself yet what this means to him? Maybe this will come in time working with the therapist...

[malign]

I was actually trying to point out that a baby doesn't have friends who drop by. In my mind, it isn't so much that Ryan might be able to express his preference for being a baby to his peers. It's good that he can, I guess, as far as that goes; at least it means he has open-minded peers. It just seems that he's getting the best of both worlds: grown up friends and the baby treatment at the same time.

Part of this might be that he thinks a baby "has it better", whereas I think the life of a baby would be pretty boring for a mind that's almost adult. I'm curious: how did his older sibling(s) handle the rebellious teenager stage?

[RG01]

If this continues on for Ryan, I was wondering if he would be open to the "work" of being a baby... they have to develop and move on to the next step, whether it is learning to crawl, pull themselves up, potty training, etc... Would it help him to advance through the stages at some point?

Is Ryan able to express himself yet what this means to him? Maybe this will come in time working with the therapist...

Hi & thanks findingmyway I suppose in answer to your question I don't know how the therapist intends to handle the situation but as yet Ryan hasn't expressed himself in a way that makes any sense to us at least. I suppose the Therapist will make sense of it next Tues session, We are still going through those game suggestions and a few others of our own too. Badminton was a winner with rest of the family. I think that's about it for the moment take care

RG01

[RG01]

I was actually trying to point out that a baby doesn't have friends who drop by. In my mind, it isn't so much that Ryan might be able to express his preference for being a baby to his peers. It's good that he can, I guess, as far as that goes; at least it means he has open-minded peers. It just seems that he's getting the best of both worlds: grown up friends and the baby treatment at the same time.

Part of this might be that he thinks a baby "has it better", whereas I think the life of a baby would be pretty boring for a mind that's almost adult. I'm curious: how did his older sibling(s) handle the rebellious teenager stage?

Hi malign

Thank you also I do see your point now sorry about that. I think this is what the Therapist more or less had said that if he is to be a baby then OK. He can't switch between worlds whenever he doesn't like a certain part of babyhood/adulthood. So to make him understand that being a baby isn't all it's cracked up to be. So perhaps if I were to keep his friends at arms length for the moment should they want to call. Not rudely but just for time being? I hadn't considered this thought. Also the others were not too bad really We have been pretty fortunate the eldest did have a few nights at 16/17years old where he got drink and tried to smoke. The smoking made him ill but didn't stop him trying it then with weed. Again he got ill. as for drink I think he may have learned a lesson hangovers not pretty next morning. He hasn't done it much since.As for smoking no way he can't touch them at all thankfully. Although we never stopped our children from trying alcohol trying was all it was at young age our idea was that by the time they are old enough to drink for real they won't be so pushed about it. That seems to be a good plan. The 14 year old he seems happy all the time perhaps mother gets most his angst if indeed there is really any Perhaps he hasn't reached that stage yet. he spends an eternity on phone to his friends and the half of eternity on facebook there's no time for rebellion. Joking aside he is very helpful around the house and is also great at play with 5 year old he knows his favourite games etc and loves his other brothers too. Seems no issues there. As i say as a family unit we are close and I am proud we can say that my wife and I would do anything for our children. I think this recent event may have put us to the test but it won't beat us. I hope all this makes sense and reads ok. Thanks again

And take care

RG01

[finding my way]

Next week I'll be out of town, just wanted you to know.

It sounds like you are very much in process and doing what you need to do for now. How fun that your family is enjoying games and time spent together. Is Ryan to be his age during the week and a baby only on weekends? I'm trying to remember what the arrangement was...

[finding my way]

I went back and reread and it sounds like this is full time for his being a baby for now while you work with the therapist.

Wishing you well today!

[RG01]

I went back and reread and it sounds like this is full time for his being a baby for now while you work with the therapist.

Wishing you well today!

Thanks for that findingmyway

yes indeed you are correct and we hope you have a good time away if it's a holiday if not have a good time anyway. Water balloons out again today downed rats is what spring to mind. We have just had lunch a little while ago baby is sleeping in nursery at the moment can hear snoring. I will keep you posted on any developments you can read when you get back. Thanks again.

Take care

RG01

[RG01]

I've been reading along and I want to echo how loving and supportive I feel you and your family are. I understand this isn't easy, on many levels. I'm hoping you and your wife feel free to express your full range of emotions. For me, loving and accepting my family was important, but sometimes it came with stress, as you well understand.

We were a family that took many photos and I was wondering as you keep your written journal, if you are also taking photos of the your family going through this experience? Maybe one day, as the memories of what you are doing today fade, you can look back at the photos and see the love, courage and patience this required and all you've learned.

With respect...

Hi Ken Ian

Kind words indeed I have been taking some photos they are in an album all on it's own and hopefully one day our son will sit down and look back at this and say what the hell was I thinking. I haven't taken a lot there are some of the whole family together and one or two of baby being fed or tickled that's really about it. We are indeed patient and our family are glued together nothing will separate us. Thanks again

All the best

RG01

[finding my way]

The task of becoming adult and making it out in the world is pretty daunting, really. I know it took me years and years to "get" what I would do for a living and what my role in society could be. Some communities offer internships and camps for kids to try out different career areas. Some scout troops visit all kinds of industries and organizations. Some people get inspired early and that can really help get through the anxiety of it all, even if they change their mind later.

Wishing you well! I will check back when I return

[RG01]

Thank you indeed Finding My Way.

I haven't anything to add this evening so will not bore with minor details.

Thanks and take care all

RG01

[IrmaJean]

If it helps to express yourself and what has been happening, we are here to listen RG01. Wishing you and your family all the best.

Take care.

[RG01]

Hi IrmaJean

Thanks very much. Today has been pretty eventful really. Today Most of my time was taken up with doing art and craft stuff with 5 year old we made paper planes. To which I am useless. We made a walkie talkie using plastic cups and a long length of string. That was fun. then we played with the old favourite Lego I was always fairly good at that as a child myself our 5 year old was impressed. My house and garage building skills still exist even if one of the walls had to have a wheel instead of a brick. Pieces missing so I converted this to a windmill attached to the house. Then when we finished that. I took over looking after Ryan for a bit. The 14 year old was reading him nursery rhymes and general play with toys and oldest helped feed him at lunchtime. My Wife then decided to do some baking and enlisted the help of 5 year old and 14 year old. I decided to then play with Ryan tickling I know he hated being tickled at the best of times. The feet and under the armpits and back of legs was always his ticklish points. So as good a place to start as any the feet. I did the whole this little piggy thing and also walkie round the garden. All children even if they know it's coming that element of surprise when the final tickle happens never disappoints and same with Ryan. The 5 year old still enjoys it too. After all that I changed Ryan and prepared him for dinner where the eldest took over again to feed him and I gave Wife a hand in kitchen with all the cleaning. So all in all pretty eventful and great family day together. Thanks again all

Take Care RG01

PS next Therapist visit tomorrow at 2pm so see what happens there too.

[RG01]

Hi All.

We were at the Therapist yesterday. All good so far. Ryan is still the same no change yet. The Therapist has got all the questionnaires back all filled in. He said that while we still have a difficult time ahead we are doing very well and that when Ryan comes out of this the other side he will be much stronger and that one day he'll give a good talk on why he felt he had to or wanted to be a baby again? The therapist is angling on perhaps a love interest that may have been not what Ryan expected or something along that region. However at the moment our Son Ryan is happy and that's all anyone could ask. We as a family are happy too we still enjoy a good laugh. Although Ryan is not part of the adult side at the moment we are still held together as any family would be. The therapist mentioned that after the next meeting we should arrange to bring Ryan in with full gear on perhaps under a long jacket or even get him dressed there. That is only if Ryan agrees. The therapist has said he will know better at next session whether it's still too soon or wait a further while. Along with that next session Ryan is going to get his own questions to answer on sheets we can write in the answers but the answers have to be Ryan's they will be a mixture of multiple choice questions and answers and also direct questions on how he feels himself when he's being changed bathed dressed or fed etc. Today the 5 year old helped his Mummy with making cakes well attempting to when he wasn't sneaking mixture from bowl. Myself and Ryan had a little time together too. The others went out to the Cinema followed by shopping and lunch out. When Ryan woke this morning i brought him in for breakfast I fed him and cleaned up after him then I took him to get a clean nappy and dress him. Then back to sitting room for bottle feeds and cuddles from myself he enjoyed it so much that he fell asleep. Otherwise all ok I will go now and get some sleep myself. All the best and take Care

RG01

[IrmaJean]

Thank you for the update, RG01. Your positive and open attitude has to be such a great help to your son. And the way your family has drawn together in this is very admirable. It's great that you are working together and also working with a therapist to help Ryan. I hope you were able to get some rest. All the best to you and your family. Take care.

[RG01]

Thank you indeed IrmaJean.

I am in this for the long haul and will never give up on any member of our family. I have been making time with all that's been going on being with our other children as well. I know it goes without saying but we didn't wan't them to feel neglected either. I thought I should perhaps point that out. We are indeed a very close family. I for 1 am proud of that too. Thanks indeed again take care

RG01

[finding my way]

^{Hi RG01, Sounds like things are going ok for you! So there are no signs of Ryan "breaking character" right now? He is completely going with being an infant all day? Sounds like your therapist has a plan for getting around to what this might mean for him in time. Wishing you well!}

[RG01]

Hi Findingmyway.

Welcome back first of all. You are right indeed there are no signs of improvement yet. Hopefully time will tell I have plenty of time as you see I am very patient too. So whatever the cost we help our son through this. I have to say it is getting easier to deal with by the day. I suppose when I fist hear of it I was scared I didn't know what had happened or what to do? I feel a lot better since therapist explained that it's nothing we have done wrong and that Ryan is going to have to figure out himself what he really needs even with a little encouragement from ourselves and him it may take time but we should be able to resolve Ryan's difficulties. We have learned and accepted that our 16 year old boy is now a baby in every sense more or less until we can get through this. We love our children that now we are all pulling together to help Ryan through this. However long it takes. After looking at world events this past couple of weeks our Son and his problem are nothing in comparison and it kind of opens your eyes as to what really is important to you. Thanks again and take care

RG01

[RG01]

Hello to all.

Still no change yet regarding Ryan. Today my Wife and Myself spent time with 5 year old making things from paper, card and empty cereal boxes egg boxes, kitchen roll tubes and squeezy bottles and blu-tac as well the ever favourite pritstik. We had a laugh at some of my attempts at origami I was never that arty but gave it a go. Wife I think a lot better. My spaceship was lets say out of this world not in a good way but the 5 year old enjoyed it he painted it to his own liking. We made a boat well my wife did it floated too. There was quite a lot of laughs at my 4 attempts at space travel before I let 5 year old finish last attempt. We did have a lot of fun with that. Ryan in the meantime was being cared for by the other 2 boys the only time we heard was when Ryan needed changed I did the nappy changing although 18 year old volunteered I said it was ok I would do it. Only other time we heard from Ryan was if he was getting hungry. We have been giving a lot of fruit and veg this past couple of days sometimes in-between meals We put orange slices or banana slices on his tray while he is in his highchair also some broccoli or carrot as well as grapes.The 18 year old bought Ryan the gruffalo books. He loves them as does the 5 year old I suppose it's the way the person reads them too that help make some stories magical. They have been playing with Ryan most of the day. Except at nap time when I put him in nursery for his nap. Then they cleared up a bit and joined us with 5 year old for a while I heard them Telling Ryan no when he picked up tv control they said it's not a toy. We were encouraged to do this if Ryan was to pick up anything that only big people use like phone, or remote control, or DVD's etc I Haven't needed to say anything my wife has and so have the others. He must be made realise that he can't have adult luxuries as a baby and that includes all the above. All in all pretty good day had all round. Myself and 14 year old are taking time out tomorrow to go for a drive and a bit of surprise fun for him. I am taking him ice skating something he has always wanted to do some of it maybe to watch me fall like a newborn foal on ice legs and arms everywhere I know this is the case because It happens most winters when I get caught out on the ice. This is just a little fun time for us 2 together. I do this now and again with all of them individually just like a bonding thing that we do one on one. We feel what one of them wants shouldn't be made to all of them wants yes if they want to go ice skating all together then by all means but this is our time. Next week it 18 year old he has his eye on a guitar and really shows interest in it so my wife and myself have purchased it already he knows it's gone from the shop but doesn't know the rest that we have it and that we have organised the first couple of lessons, It's stuff like that we have always done and will always do while we can. Anyway that's about it for the moment my fingers are sore from all this typing. Take care all

RG01

[finding my way]

Glad you are able to have so many rich experiences with your kids this summer, RG!

How is 18 y/o doing with the task of breaking out into adulthood and into the world? That part is so difficult for most young people. What does your fall look like? Any transitions away from the nest? I just remember how tough it was for me when the oldest sibling left for college. It really brought home that things were changing for us all.

Anxiety is a tough emotion to live with. Many here at this site struggle with its effect. It's kind of why we come here, really. With support, it can seem more bearable.

[RG01]

Glad you are able to have so many rich experiences with your kids this summer, RG!

How is 18 y/o doing with the task of breaking out into adulthood and into the world? That part is so difficult for most young people. What does your fall look like? Any transitions away from the nest? I just remember how tough it was for me when the oldest sibling left for college. It really brought home that things were changing for us all.

Anxiety is a tough emotion to live with. Many here at this site struggle with its effect. It's kind of why we come here, really. With support, it can seem more bearable.

Hi findingmyway

hi everyone else. I agree the comfort you get from airing your grievances or problems on here is great and without such support and helpful advice I don't know what state i would be in. You asked what my fall looks like? I have never heard this expression before what does it mean? Also 18 year old is serving a kind of apprenticeship as an electrician. He loves that kind of work. As for today myself and 14 year old went ice skating. I underestimated last night newborn foal would do better than i did. Oh my I have a very sore bottom and knees. We enjoyed it nevertheless. My wife stayed home with the remainder. I know she had plenty lined up to do. She knows plenty fun things to do with 5 year old as does 18 year old. I think the plan today was to have a fun but relaxing day nothing too tasking. I have had a great day with the 14 year old I took over for a while when I got home both the 5 year old and Ryan need baths so I done that and got Ryan dressed in a clean nappy and sleepsuit and then read a little to them both for a while and had our dinner and the rest was done by 14 year old and 18 year old. Other than that nothing else to say so i'll sign of take care for now .all the best.

RG01