Job fears

[Klingsor]

Yep, that's entirely my thought too. To use my standard example regarding sex dynamics, the guys I knew who easily slept with women were not above average in intelligence, but they were action oriented. They had enough book smarts to get by combined with lots of street smarts, and they were constantly active. Risk takers. That's why I've repeatedly said intelligence is worthless. If someone calls you "smart" or intelligent it's just a cheap compliment to pay you because you have no other marketable skills. In my professional life it's still the jocks, athletes, popular guys getting all the lucrative sales jobs, all the perks, all the women. I'm still the skinny loser stuck off in some office crunching numbers and doing lab work to support their bullshit. Yet all the "experts" assured me years ago that these people were jealous of me because I had no life, was un-athletic, and read lots of books. Nothing I've seen in 10 years has ever told me that was anything but a massive lie told by losers just like me desperate to believe it.

@IrmaJean

Insecurity runs in my family on both sides like a disease. One side is pessimistic about it and the other is violently denies it. I got a double dose, and perfectionism to go with it. 

[Victimorthecrime]

@Klingsor_the_Capon dude if you are truly unhappy then make a major life change.  You are still young, no major family obligations, just move somewhere else or join the Navy or live out of a van, hop to one rock festival to the next, meet weirdos and talk philosophy, move to Asheville or Sarasota or whatever.  What have you got to lose?  You can always find another pathetic wage-earner job.  Those are all things I wish I had done.  

[LostBoy]

9 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

@Klingsor_the_Capon dude if you are truly unhappy then make a major life change.  You are still young, no major family obligations, just move somewhere else or join the Navy or live out of a van, hop to one rock festival to the next, meet weirdos and talk philosophy, move to Asheville or Sarasota or whatever.  What have you got to lose?  You can always find another pathetic wage-earner job.  Those are all things I wish I had done.  

I agree with Victim, The longer you wait the harder it becomes to try something new. It sounds like you are well educated and apparently have some marketable skills. I'm not sure of your family status but based on pasts posts I assume you are single so if that is the case then at least you don't have to worry about the impact of your choice on your family.

If you are early in your career then this is the time to do it becasue it definitely gets more difficult with time.

It's a ridiculous cliche but I'm going to use it anyway...The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

I also realized that you have already indicated that you're not a risk taker but if you search and find something new before quitting your current job then the only real risk is the unknown associated with a new position. If you are brave enough then jump first and find something later (I'm personally not this brave).

[Klingsor]

Resolute and small are the only people who have understood this. It doesn't matter what I do, where I go, who I meet, it's still me I see in the mirror. I'm incapable of having fun or socializing because of my insecurity and envy. I can't even play a goddamn board game without feelings of hatred and envy. Because I am ME. The only point in switching jobs is to find something that limits human interaction. I'm only content in my own fantasies. And I want to live away from people. But it makes me miserable because the only reason I want to do that is a consuming inferiority complex. So it doesn't matter what I do, any "choice" I make only proves my inferiority. I have nothing to affirm because there's nothing there. This is the hell I live in every day. There is no escape from it except sleep. I'm tired all the time. 

None of this matters. I'm sorry for hijacking your thread lostboy. Your situation is worse than mine because you have familial obligations. Another manifestation of inferiority -- I can't even have fun as a single guy without family ties. There's just nothing. 

[Victimorthecrime]

@Klingsor_the_Capon you articulated your situation well and I understand your point, I really do. I am just always hoping things will get better anyway.  

You are not hijacking the thread.  Always feel free to write. 

I wish I had greater insight but as you alluded to the bottom line is we are who we are.  I am a guy that fights on because that's just how I am.  No virtue in it, just reality.  I accept those that are different.  

[LostBoy]

Hello Klingsor, have you always felt this way? I would assume not, because I don't know how you would have been able to go to college, and actually graduate.

I understand what you're saying and can only imagine how difficult that burden is on you. I have some of the same feelings as you have expressed but I am fortunate enough to be capable of suppression and control most of the time.

 

[IrmaJean]

Klingsor, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. 

I think I may understand more now than I have in the past, having spent many many hours talking with my daughter.

I'm here listening. 

[LostBoy]

Well I've been quiet for a little while now. It's been a busy few weeks. My job has yet to change but I anticipate it will happen in the next month. I'm trying to prepare myself both physically and mentally for this change but I found myself going through old photos today and I've been on the verge of tears all day. It probably doesn't help that I started drinking early today but I needed something to kill the pain.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in and give a brief update. Stay well.

[Victimorthecrime]

@LostBoy - thanx for checking in. Keep us posted. 

I totally get it.  I hate change.  There's like million jobs in Texas. The energy sector is on fire. If it were me here is exactly what I would do: take the layoff from the current job, chill for a couple months then find something else right there where you are in Texas.

[Klingsor]

On May 24, 2018 at 7:46 AM, Victimorthecrime said:

Things are bad at work Klingsor?  Have you been there a year yet?  Maybe start to look elsewhere.  

Just as a side comment, from looking around where I work (Fortune 500 corporation) it seems that there is no such thing a job where you use the computer where you work alone.  Everything is connected and therefore everyone is connected.  I see them pushing actuaries and underwriters into interaction that they really don't want.  Conference calls, meetings, user groups, "social media" style pages within the company, etc.  There is nowhere to be left alone.  

 

On May 24, 2018 at 9:05 AM, IrmaJean said:

I hope you will stay safe. I'm sorry work is so distressful.

What type of job environment do you think you would you feel more comfortable in, Klingsor? Have you considered working with animals in some regard?

I shouldn't have hijacked small's thread. I'm better today now I have a long weekend. I plan to blog about my work this weekend and other things to tie the strands of thought together and the environment I constantly deal with. Plus it's already in the 90's here and forecasted to be f***ing triple digits next week already and it's not even June. I absolutely loathe this time of the year. I hate hot weather and everything about it. It puts me in an even more irritable mood than usual. 

[Victimorthecrime]

Who smells? 

[Klingsor]

"I have my own theory about why the decline happens at companies like IBM or Microsoft.

The company does a great job, innovates and becomes a monopoly or close to it in some field, and then the quality of the product becomes less important.

The company starts valuing the great salesmen, because they're the ones who can move the needle on revenues, not the product engineers and designers. So the salespeople end up running the company."

- Steve Jobs, 1995

Love him or hate him, this is exactly why Jobs earned his place as a visionary. This is so true. And it's exactly what makes working in modern corporate structures so hellish. Sycophantic middle managers  and palm greasing, smooth talking sociopathic salespeople run everything. It's all a massive social network that has nothing to do with race, gender, nationality...the successful ones are as flexible as snakes - morally, intellectually, and ideologically. 

[Victimorthecrime]

More than sales I think it's middle management defending their turf that causes stagnation.  Sales people at least have to hear it from customers.  These fat assed managers never leave their office unless they are "working from home".  The bottom line is leadership and keeping a focus on the customer.  It never happens.  The company becomes about the company.  Everyone want to be a celebrity, no one wants to even admit that problems exist, much less put in the hard work to fix them.  

[Klingsor]

There was a time when I enjoyed what I nominally do. I was young and extremely naive and starry eyed. I started work and quickly realized any individual with the slightest particle of drive to do a good job, to innovate, or genuinely live up to their job description is simply chewed up and spat back out once burnout has set in. The bean counters and management have destroyed all incentive to innovate. It's all about turf protection. The highest paid professionals in an organization now (besides sales) are those hired to eliminate "waste" and implement "lean operations", I.e. Hatchet men. All this means is that companies are paying shit loads of money to figure out ways to distribute a greater number of tasks to a smaller number of people. All this bullshit about "integration" and "breaking down barriers" to increase productivity is corporate double-speak that just means fewer employees will each share a greater burden of work for the same amount of pay.

[Wayless]

On 4/24/2018 at 8:14 PM, Klingsor said:

Yep, that's entirely my thought too. To use my standard example regarding sex dynamics, the guys I knew who easily slept with women were not above average in intelligence, but they were action oriented. They had enough book smarts to get by combined with lots of street smarts, and they were constantly active. Risk takers. That's why I've repeatedly said intelligence is worthless. If someone calls you "smart" or intelligent it's just a cheap compliment to pay you because you have no other marketable skills. In my professional life it's still the jocks, athletes, popular guys getting all the lucrative sales jobs, all the perks, all the women. I'm still the skinny loser stuck off in some office crunching numbers and doing lab work to support their bullshit. Yet all the "experts" assured me years ago that these people were jealous of me because I had no life, was un-athletic, and read lots of books. Nothing I've seen in 10 years has ever told me that was anything but a massive lie told by losers just like me desperate to believe it.

Yeah, Klingsor!  You said a mouthful there.  Getting more basic, it's about testosterone and testosterone receptors!

[Klingsor]

Yeah. This is a great scene from the movie "Frost-Nixon".

"We are gonna make those motherfuckers CHOKE!"

 

[Victimorthecrime]

You are a Nixonian character Klingsor 😝.  Ha!  Wish Res was here for that one. 

[Klingsor]

This is me. Entirely. 

"They're men with jobs, Jerry!..."

 

 

[Klingsor]

And in other news, Dear Leader issued this proclamation last week: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/president-donald-j-trump-reforming-modernizing-federal-hiring-process/

Quote

President Trump is signing an Executive Order requiring Federal agencies to focus hiring on the skills job seekers possess, rather than focusing on whether they earned a college degree.

The consummation of the phrase "over-educated and under-skilled". Instead of Pol Pot and the killing fields, it will be starving college graduates relegated to the status of social pariahs. Perhaps we can get jobs scraping bird shit off park benches. 

"Go to college," they said. "Get a STEM degree," they said. "Nobody can take it away from you," they said (who the fuck would want it?). Fifteen fucking years of trying to make this worthless college education work in spite of my mental health problems, and it's gotten me nowhere. Covid-19 has already hammered higher education, and DJT just laid the foundation for its interment. You are going to see more and more of this. I can tell you from personal experience that the people I grew up around disparage college educations to the point that I was encouraged down this route because I was perceived as useless. From their perspective, college is for women, rich boys, or dweebs (i.e. worthless, scrawny, skinny runts). 

Meanwhile I am committed to self-sabotage and destroying any opportunity that comes my way because I’m a schizophrenic sensitive  who can’t do anything practical. Like Fiver from water ship down. 

 

[Victimorthecrime]

@Klingsor does this mean you are not taking the job that would require relocating?  
 

I regret going to college the way I did it, going directly from HS.  I was ignorant of the world. 

I actually agree that college is worthless. Here’s why:  any of the subjects that pay can be learned on-line for a fraction of the cost.  The rest are valued just higher than a warm bucket of spit. 

It doesn’t matter.  This country is going to hell. 

[Klingsor]

@Victimorthecrime

I’m just a loser. Worthless. Completely neurotic with severe mental health problems who panics easily. I’m basically a shut-in at this point. Eventually I’ll end up on the road or dead.

1 hour ago, Victimorthecrime said:

It doesn’t matter.  This country is going to hell. 

 

[Victimorthecrime]

2 hours ago, Klingsor said:

I’m basically a shut-in at this point.

Me too. Truly.  

[Wayless]

15 hours ago, Klingsor said:

And in other news, Dear Leader issued this proclamation last week: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/president-donald-j-trump-reforming-modernizing-federal-hiring-process/

The consummation of the phrase "over-educated and under-skilled". Instead of Pol Pot and the killing fields, it will be starving college graduates relegated to the status of social pariahs. Perhaps we can get jobs scraping bird shit off park benches. 

"Go to college," they said. "Get a STEM degree," they said. "Nobody can take it away from you," they said (who the fuck would want it?). Fifteen fucking years of trying to make this worthless college education work in spite of my mental health problems, and it's gotten me nowhere. Covid-19 has already hammered higher education, and DJT just laid the foundation for its interment. You are going to see more and more of this. I can tell you from personal experience that the people I grew up around disparage college educations to the point that I was encouraged down this route because I was perceived as useless. From their perspective, college is for women, rich boys, or dweebs (i.e. worthless, scrawny, skinny runts). 

Meanwhile I am committed to self-sabotage and destroying any opportunity that comes my way because I’m a schizophrenic sensitive  who can’t do anything practical. Like Fiver from water ship down. 

Actually, though, if I recall correctly, you got one of the degrees usually thought to be valuable in getting a job:  Engineering.  I think you've explained in detail though that it was your non-adaptive personality that prevented you from utilizing it.  Also, you seemed to land the wrong kind of engineering work.

I freely admit, though, that a guy who dropped-out of High School to work in a gas station back before mechanic licensing could do many or most engineering jobs as long as he learned to read well before he dropped out of High School.

[Victimorthecrime]

@Klingsor God bless you my friend. I am rooting for you 1000%. I hope you hit the lotto and party like a Greek shipping tycoon.  
 

If you make a decent buck at a corporation you have a target 🎯 on your back. Plus you could be outsourced/insourced at any moment. I see it everyday where I work and friends tell me same.  A truly high income professional or in a government union is the only place to find security.  

[Klingsor]

Fingers crossed but I may have a min-wage work-from-home job. This will to two things if I get it: 1) pay my bills and 2) keep me in the labor force with an established large company.