Greetings everyone

[hellcer]

Hello everyone,

I'm here just to feel I'm not alone. I need some warm, good people to talk to me. I face bullying everyday from my family, mostly from my mother I live with. I was looking for some random support in google, and came here.

Best wishes for all Good People from this forum.

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, hellcer.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Would it help to talk more about it?

[Resolute]

welcome hellcer.

tell us more about yourself and your problem.

best wishes.

[Rose]

Welcome here , sorry to hear what you go through. I hope that it gets better and that you find the support you were looking for in this forum

[Guest]

Welcome to the community. There are a lot of warm people here

[hellcer]

Hey, Thanks Everyone for reply. I didn't suppose to see that many replies

My name is Maja, I'm 19, and just about to finish my first year of studies. Well, this is the first time I try to open myself and tell what's happening. It's very hard and I won't manage to make it at first attempt.

First, the most important little issue I'm dealing with right now is 'how to stop crying' or 'how to don't cry'. Does anyone know where the switch off is?

Second, I feel a bit pathetic writing here. Like, I'm forcing there poor people who have their own problems to read my crap. Selfish.

[Resolute]

Well, this is the first time I try to open myself and tell what's happening. It's very hard and I won't manage to make it at first attempt.

it's ok,take your time,no hurry.

First, the most important little issue I'm dealing with right now is 'how to stop crying' or 'how to don't cry'. Does anyone know where the switch off is?

that's easy,just become a man.

Second, I feel a bit pathetic writing here. Like, I'm forcing there poor people who have their own problems to read my crap. Selfish.

you're not pathetic or selfish,if posting your problem(s) here was pathetic or selfish,almost everyone here would be pathetic and selfish.

anyway,i hope to see more of you around here,and maybe you can tell us why you are crying so much.

take care maja,bye for now.

[IrmaJean]

Hi Maja.

First, the most important little issue I'm dealing with right now is 'how to stop crying' or 'how to don't cry'.

Maybe you need to cry, though? Your tears are a sign that you are hurting and some part of you needs care. I hope you can be gentle with yourself.

Second, I feel a bit pathetic writing here. Like, I'm forcing there poor people who have their own problems to read my crap. Selfish.

I hear you, that it feels difficult and uncomfortable for you. We all have our struggles, just part of being human, I think. Me too. The positive thing is we can be here to support one another.

Thanks for sharing with us. I hope to hear more from you soon.

Take care.

[hellcer]

Okey, here I go - believing I won't cry during writing

It;s hard to find a start, 'cause it seems to have the start since I was born.

I apologize for my english - it's my second language - sorry as well for using so many "I" - it's not because I'm selfish, just because dictionary in my head is kinda poor

I got a boyfriend. An amazing boyfriend who was made especially for me, I guess. There's one problem - he lives about 500km from me, almost on the other end of country. We met at music festival in 2011, and since summer 2012 we became a couple. Also, during that time he's been studying in Ukraine, which was another difficulty to deal with. We see each other a few times during a year, and of course on summer holiday. He has amazing parents. They are so light, carefree, smiled, happy - they don't care much about problems - they just deal with it and forget. Or forget during dealing. They are like "It's going to be somehow anyway, there's no need to be worried about everything". Meeting them was completely like to hit a brick wall with my face. I love them so much - and - they love me. They've got 3 sons (mine is the second), always wanted to have a daughter and here I am. His mom is caring for me, FEEDING ME SO WELL, talking to me, and every other nice family stuff they taught me.

This summer I was in their home more than a month. My mother wanted me to came back, because "What do you think? What is your behavior? You cant stay with strangers for so long! They are feeding you and paying for your maintenance. They won't tell you to get back, because they are nice. But you have to come back. After all, it's rude to stay that long". And I thought she's right. But a day later 'mother in law' just asked why I want to go home, and when i said its because my mother wants me, she said its ridiculous, as me and bf doesn't see each other that much, and now we have holidays, so what would we be doing for the next 3 weeks that were left, separately? Also proposed, that she can talk with my mum and explain that. And then I realized she's right. Bf parents weren't just acting like they want me to stay - they really wanted me to stay. Even his dad proposed that we can go to Croatia by camper for a week, and if there's a problem with mum he can talk to her.

But my mother doesn't wanted to hear anything like that. She even doesn't wanted to talk with them by cellphone - I was that long I have to go home and - as she said - "Live here a while". And I knew that "living there" means siting whole days in front of a computer, all alone, writing by facebook chat how I miss my man and how I want to hug him right now.

So I came back home. Of course it was like I said. I couldn't even wake up before 11AM - although when I was with my bf we were waking 9AM at the lastest. But had I something to do? No. Wake up, dress up somehow or not, clean the house, prepare dinner for all, sit with laptop, browse the same pages for thousand times, go to sleep, die. And repeat.

Time was passing by with a lot of happenings like this - mother came back from grocery shopping, so as always I took groceries and proceeded to unpack, you know, to place things were they belong. I was almost ending, when she said "Peel the potatoes". So I started doing this. Then she went in and asked - "why didn't you put off the rest of groceries?" - "You told me to peel the potatoes." - I responded calmly. - DON'T PISS ME OFF!!!" - I was so shocked I had no idea what just happened, so I responded - "I thought that it was more important to peel potatoes first, because you want diner to be ready quickly!" and then she shouted again "I'm so fed up with you and you unending being offended!" [im not sure if this is a right word, but what she meant is that im showing how poor and angry i am at being home] But that was so sick. It doesn't even came to my mind to behave in such way or to think to do this.

Then came the day (a week ago?) when mother wanted me to paint with her that little house thing, that you have in your garden to keep tools, mower and stuff in. The evening before she told me to go to sleep earlier, because tomorrow we get up early and go do that. I said "forget", because I saw no reason to get up early as I have a whole weeks free, so I can do it as well as when I woke up normally. So in the morning she started shouting to get up, dress up and go with her. And I were sleeping. I will do it when my eyes stop being made of iron. She started to make horrible noise, shouting like 3 times and at the end she left and slammed my door so incredibly hard I could'n believe the glass is still there.

I felt asleep and when I woke up, I knew that she will be yelling and shouting when I go to her, so I decided to take care of my study papers (and there were a lot to do), clean my room, cleanup stuff. Then started to prepare dinner. When I was frying meat she came back, went to kitchen and shouted in my face - "DO NOT GET TIRED! LEAVE IT! GO TO YOUR MOTHER IN LAW AND PRETEND HOW HARDWORKING YOU ARE. 'TILL YOU TAKE OFF YOUR MASK AND THEY WILL SEE WHO THEY GET". She turned off the cooker and so I, terrified, left to my room. (and my room is an interconnecting room - by my room she goes to her bedroom - I hate it so much)

A day later my grandpa came to say hello, and I heard when he asked her "And where you have your daughter?" she said "I don't have a daughter. Mine was nice and polite and this is just stranger bitch"

Since then she doesn't talk to me. She does everything and I have to does nothing. She even doesn't call me for dinner. And I dont care for that, cause she always been a bitch for me. Like people says their love their mother, then I think they do, because other people tell them that its inappropriate not to. Maybe she love me like mother loves her child, but she never had respect for me. Also there's a thing, that I'm unable to love someone who treats me like a shit. That story above is just a part from a couple of days ago, but this kind of happening has been with me since I was born.

You have to know, that I am so soft, my psyche is so weak, that I cry even when someone raise their voice on me. An my mother has so powerful energy that I her words are like echo in my head and heart that I cant stop hearing them all the time and its killing me. I never said anything rude to her, you have to believe me, because what i am the last, is fake. Really. However she could scream in my face that I am a shit (about two years ago, she was in work and i was doing something in the town, she called me and asked where am I. I said that and asked "what, cant I?" and after few hours when she get back home that happened.)

Im not a rude person. Im not fake. The best feeling for me is to put my head on my boyfriends chest and feel safe. I never asked for anything, even as a child, I was always afraid even to ask to by something for me in grocery shop. Im shy, I dont feel good with outgoing. I cut myself. With scissors. First it have happened when she called me shit. I made short cuts from hand to elbow on both hands, like in three seconds. I do this not to punish myself, but to force my mind on the pain of arm, not on what made me do this. I feel a bit proud in front of myself that i have these cuts. It helps me. I like these cuts. Of course noone knows, i hide them under clothes.

Also, when I feel that bad I dont eat. Don't really understand why. When Im really sad I can go to the fridge, look inside and go away. Feeling hungry makes me feel even worse. Never had any obvious disorders, i guess, but I'm a small person - im 5.25ft tall and my normal weight is 88lb and i know I will feel awful if i go under.

At the end, I know why Im here. I need you to tell me if I'm right that Im just a good kid who experienced a lot of bad things or I'm a bad kid who is selfish and can't see who she really is.

I have some more to confess but this post is already extremely long hardly someone will want to read this, so I wanted to say that I cant even express how thankful I am and how much I appreciate your time You devoted to read this. I wish you luck, peace and all good things you can imagine.

[Resolute]

wow,i don't know what to say really.

you sound like an ok kid. try becoming closer with your mother;being nicer to her,more cheerful,more agreeable,etc.

also,you didn't mention anything about your father.

[hellcer]

you sound like an ok kid. try becoming closer with your mother;being nicer to her,more cheerful,more agreeable,etc.

Well, I tried. I tried for 19 years of my life, really. Every time something went wrong she made me thing it's my fault so I agreed with her. And now I see in her only a bad woman, who should raise snakes, not children. I don't like spending time with her cause I never know if she wont starts yelling on anything. (for example she will take as insult me not being talkative) She's fake, and she's a bad person. I obviously hate her.

also,you didn't mention anything about your father.

I've got a father, but I didn't mention him because his like... he's not. He's that type of human, who do what others told him to do, he works hard from dawn to dusk as a builder. He's not a bad man, but he's just... stupid. He doesn't know how to behave in any situation, so when he feels to do something, he usually makes he's aggressive face and shouts. For example, on Saturday there was a concert in near town, and all of us were going. I put on my one blue contact lens I bought 3 days before right for this concert, just for me cause I always wanted to see how would I look like. For fun. When my mother was preparing herself to leave, my father, my brother (24) and I went out. Then my brother said "What did you bought? Pff she bought color lens" and then my dad made did aggressive face and said "You're totally stupid". I was so hurt I couldnt give a fuck on that. To the town I went by bus, they went by car.

[IrmaJean]

That sounds like a difficult environment to live in. :( It also sounds as though your mom and dad have their own issues. Would it be possible to get some space from them?

[hellcer]

Well, they are like "no lifes". My dad works, during weekend he watches tv and thats all.

As long as I study, my parents has to pay for my living. Which in practice means I don't get any money. I was thinking about ask mother for 1 000 zlotych per month and then i will move to the city i study in. (I'm a commuter - to get from home to school takes me about 1hour) Room to rent costs (with gas, electricity, water etc.) about 650zl. 1 000 is really not much for them, as they earn 2 000 - 2 500 each, per month. I think it could be fair and polite to take that amount of money.

But, my mother loves money. 2 500 is not much in Poland (awerage wage is about 3 600, but we think it's because of politicians wage) and we never was rich. My family is in that average financial class. I don't know what she does with money (i think she saves them in bank) and have no idea how much money she has. But she's stingy. (2 years ago she was studying for a year, as there was an European Union opportunity and my grandparents really wanted her to. They said they will give her money for monthly pass for train, bus and train. They were giving her 300zl as a normal pass costs, but she didn't tell them she has 50% discount, so the pass was 150zl for her. And she told me not to tell them. Can u believe that? .

However, as long as I became "stranger bitch" I'm afraid to talk to her. I know that if she growls at me, I will fall apart inside.

Move out is my biggest wish. My boyfriend cheers me up that one day he will take me away for ever, but as long as he's studying it won't happen. Sometimes i don't think I can manage to live that long (about 4 years until he finishes his dentistry studies).

I'm scared. I'm week. I am one big walking lack of self-confidence. There is so much hate in my heart to my family, but there much more love to these, who care for me. Please, help me figure out what am I doing wrong, and why everything is happening that way.

[Resolute]

what about your grandparents,where do they live? can't you live with them?

other than that i don't know what to tell you,except,hang in there.

[hellcer]

They live 5km away, and they are my mothers parents, so, you know, i love them but they are not too ok.

[lifeshadows]

I don't think that sharing a problem is being pathetic, keeping to yourself would be worse.

I guess being away from someone you love is bad, but you found him and that is the good side on it.

I believe love can happen anywhere, and even with someone far from you, like this guy.

Just believe also that if this has to be, it will be and you will be happy with him, I bet he understands what happened to you with your family.

You love each other and that is a good thing to think about. You will find a way soon to be together and live your own life the way you won't need to give excuses to people anymore.

You beggining a new life with him in four years is a good thing to expect in the future, which I believe gives you strenght to carry on for this hard momment.

Believe he will take you to a better life.

I know this is not the ideal, happiness should be a walk not a destination, but you can also begin your walk after your destination and make it up for the bad times!

What your mother does to you is not right in any way, and you seem to be a good person and deserve a good life, don't believe you don't deserve.

Maybe she sees that and fear for you that you could get hurt outside and try to prepare you to bad things in life acting this way, but still this would be the worse way to do, after all our parents should care for us in a better way, and she is deeply wrong with you, and I am sorry for it. Try to close your eyes and think about the good people you met and those who are really good to you.

Keep in mind that also I don't want to offend your mother or your family by any means.

Hope you make it work, you did good by telling your problems here.

I had the same feeling about sharing my problems, but here we are.