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Confidence / Self Confidence


Victimorthecrime

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I don't have the answer to that. But I posted it bc the people who have confidence seem to make their own reality from their beliefs, and I don't think it has anything to do with success or failure. I've seen total fuck ups who were failures in the conventional sense be totally at ease with themselves and just ooze self confidence/cockiness. I dunno, they just have something I don't. You either have it or you don't. I'm not sure what "it" is, but they never waver from their fundamental belief that they matter. 

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7 minutes ago, Pax said:

I don't have the answer to that. But I posted it bc the people who have confidence seem to make their own reality from their beliefs, and I don't think it has anything to do with success or failure. I've seen total fuck ups who were failures in the conventional sense be totally at ease with themselves and just ooze self confidence/cockiness. I dunno, they just have something I don't. You either have it or you don't. I'm not sure what "it" is, but they never waver from their fundamental belief that they matter. 

i can accept this. here, the person is living in a manufactured (self-made) "reality". a virtual reality if you will.

this, however, is not the same thing:

8 hours ago, Pax said:

Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.

- Bhagavad Gita

here, this guy is claiming/implying that actual reality is influenced (changed) by the person's beliefs. what he should have said is this:

Quote

to himself, man is made by his beliefs. as he believes, so he is to himself.

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The lack of self confidence is something that has dogged me all life. I'd say it's likely the root from which all my other mental problems stem. 

One thing that I've noticed is that males generally have more self confidence than females. It's somewhat feminine to doubt yourself. In my experience even males who are perpetual losers are expected to act confident and put on a front, especially in the presence of other males. This is one reason why I've always found it difficult to build a rapport with other men - they all seem to possess a cockiness that I don't. You can see this when a group of guys are together socially and they constantly insult each other or crack jokes about one another. I could never do this bc it seemed like just another example of dominant-submissive dynamic carried over to a social group. Everything in life has to be made a competition, even the most trivial. You have to know your f****** place no matter what. And self confidence is like a cornerstone to competition, an athlete had to have some amount of belief that he can win, otherwise why would he perform?

And most guys just seem to have more of this. Any male that is hypersensitive or self-critical has a long row to hoe in this life.

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One way I guess I subconsciously compensated for this was to become a raging perfectionist. Anything less than perfect and I curse myself, destroy shit, and refuse to do that activity anymore. There is absolutely nothing in the universe, in all of existence worse than tasting the bile of defeat. I hate being bettered by anyone at anything. It is the worst feeling in the world. Yet I implicitly assume that I will always be second best, so hatred and envy become constant companions.

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"The lack of self confidence is something that has dogged me all (my) life"....

That whole paragraph could have been taken from my brain.  And we are from different generations & different parts of the country so I think that speaks to how pervasive it is.  

More to add but real low energy at the moment.  What I have been doing lately is focusing on what I can actually do and disregarding the rest.  It's not worth getting all psyched up just to drop another turd. Do my best and to hell w the rest is my motto.  It's not as dismal as it sounds, in some ways it's good.  

 

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If someone is shamed for having certain traits and feelings, I can see how they might try to compensate for this in other aspects of their lives, such as being highly competitive with others. I don't know what your past looks like, Pax, or if any of this might fit for you or not.

My thought is if a feeling arises in a person or if a person has certain traits, regardless of their gender, my hope would be that this person would be able to accept their feelings with compassion for self and recognize those traits as a genuine aspect of themselves. Any attempts to push away parts of ourselves because they might be regarded by others as "too masculine" or "too feminine" is really just denying who we are... It's okay to be you.

My 2 cents...

 

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4 hours ago, IrmaJean said:

If someone is shamed for having certain traits and feelings, I can see how they might try to compensate for this in other aspects of their lives, such as being highly competitive with others. I don't know what your past looks like, Pax, or if any of this might fit for you or not.

My thought is if a feeling arises in a person or if a person has certain traits, regardless of their gender, my hope would be that this person would be able to accept their feelings with compassion for self and recognize those traits as a genuine aspect of themselves. Any attempts to push away parts of ourselves because they might be regarded by others as "too masculine" or "too feminine" is really just denying who we are... It's okay to be you.

My 2 cents...

beth, i don't think that klingsor's problem is lack of acknowledgement or recognition of what are actual traits of himself. what he can't do is welcome or embrace these aspects of himself that he deems negative. so he has two problems; not being able to deny having these negative traits and not being able to embrace them. (this applies to a bunch of us, not just klingsor)

and if a person asked everyone to welcome and embrace all aspects/traits of themselves, then that person would essentially be saying that negative traits simply don't exist (in anyone). that, of course would be a false claim.

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I hear you. I do think it's possible, though, to accept aspects of oneself without necessarily viewing them as positive. Or at least work towards acceptance..

With something such as a lack of self confidence, a person could stand with oneself as he/she works on trying to build more confidence. Hopefully be less harsh with self...
 

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Thanks victim. I was on facebook for about 6 months in 2007/2008 until I deleted my account, it just made me feel like shit every time I logged in. For 99% of people on it, it's simply an ego trip. I also never miss an opportunity to remind people what Zuckerberg actually thinks of his consumer base:

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According to SAI sources, the following exchange is between a 19-year-old Mark Zuckerberg and a friend shortly after Mark launched The Facebook in his dorm room:

Zuck: Yeah so if you ever need info about anyone at Harvard

Zuck: Just ask. 

Zuck: I have over 4,000 emails, pictures, addresses, SNS

[Redacted Friend's Name]: What? How'd you manage that one?

Zuck: People just submitted it. 

Zuck: I don't know why. 

Zuck: They "trust me" 

Zuck: Dumb fucks

http://www.businessinsider.com/well-these-new-zuckerberg-ims-wont-help-facebooks-privacy-problems-2010-5

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  • 3 months later...

Sleep can be tough because once you lay down your arm on the bed, it puts pressure on the shoulder. I was sleeping on my stomach with my arm hanging over the side of the bed, but even that didn't work very well. I hope your shoulder continues to improve with less pain in the morning.

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Thanks Beth.  It is getting better just so slowly it's maddening. Also it's not completely linear. In other words it will feel good but then hurt a little but the overall trend (praise God) has been one of improvement.  I discover that shrugging my shoulders a few times and then rolling them back a few times helps. Try it.  

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  • 3 weeks later...

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