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My so called life

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I used to help with my church during Thanksgiving (America) and Christmas to operate a soup kitchen for the homeless on those days. I stopped because it was obvious 2/3 of them were only coming in for the free food. I wanted to shit in their plates for using up food that could've been used by the ones who really needed it.

i must be missing something here. the homeless don't really need food? :huh:

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I couldn't agree more. I hope things are going well with you and the family.

Going fine. I'm not getting into anything with my life here, this is about you.

this takes me back to the days we first met on the forum... when i said you write like a girl. i still think that. :P;)

And you're still incorrigible. :D

Who writes like a girl? Retr0john? Don't take that mate, kick his ass lol.

My track record shows since I was a teenager I'm 100% more likely to throw a punch FOR a friend, not AT a friend. B)

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I just got home from my parents house, placed my keys on the coffee table and am curled up on my brown sofa in front of my television as I write this. The rain is still drizzling from the dark clouds above, beating gently against my window to the far left. I can hear cars drive by outside, and between occasional sips of my sublimely concocted brew I tap away on the keypad of my phone to write this. Don't you just love the squishing sound tyres make against the wet road?

My flat is situated on the third floor of my building which houses 3 other flats. I have a lounge, kitchen, bathroom and one bedroom as well as a small storage room for supplies. It's cosy and borders grungy (not dirty) owing credit to the brown & orange decor. Despite looking eerily indistinguishable from the average found-footage horror flick, it's my safe haven. I prefer it over the plush detached properties I have to drive by to & from work.

Before I went to my parents house I went to the clinic for a treatment session, collecting an extra pouch to take to my local nurse to have it administered mid-week. I hate needles, and my arms are quickly looking like they were amputated from a life long drug addict and attached to my torso by a deranged German surgeon that was too squeamish to accurately enact his favourite film character from the human centipede.

There's something so comforting and intimate about a long bath isn't there? I'm about to take one soon, in a top secret manner that I discovered after a muay thai class when I was around 21. I add an extra curtain rail against the wall - side of the tub and use it to drape a curtain over the top, in conjunction with the one already in place on the open side. This creates a tent like effect that allows the water to stay warm for hours, as well as creating a sauna effect. I usually fill a pot of tea and take my phone to amuse myself which otherwise would see me falling asleep in a tub full of water soluble chemicals that are potent enough to wash the underbelly of a dozen oil streamers in the Pacific. God forbid....... Shush though, it's a secret. Does anyone else have something to suggest for me to try?

Two diary entries in one day, great. I've made the decision never to delete my entries on this thread, so I'm approaching the more meaningful things in my so called life in a manner befitting my comfort in the care to share world. Beware though, I'm boring & loserly.

A hot bath is great, but I have to be in just the right mood for it. Usually it's just a quick shower.

A hot bath takes more time and effort to set up. Almost a ceremony or personal event. I've came in dirty, took a shower just to clean up and then ran the clawsfoot full of water to soak in.

I'm glad you're not going to delete anything. Frequently I'm called away overnight or for long periods at a time. Days (even weeks) might go by at a time before I'm able to pop in here. It's frustrating to see a post that's been reduced to a single period. All you guys are quick and articulate enough I enjoy reading ALL your posts, even the angry or despondent ones.

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I think for me whenever someone starts deleting, I wonder if they're in trouble or hurting/erasing themselves. At the same time, I understand the "need to delete" feeling because I have felt it myself. I used to delete all of my blog entries, but at some point, I stopped and now I have many and some from years ago. I like having them for many reasons, but I can also go back now and see how my thinking may be different or see some ways that I've learned and grown.

Do you know what projection is? It happens when we project our own feelings, fears etc. onto another person. I find it especially easy to do online. The person isn't there for us to hear tone of voice and read body language. Now, if I feel strong emotion coming from another person's words, I try to step back and check myself, reread the post without the added emotion because there's a good chance that emotion is really coming from me. This is a lot easier said than done when it's actually taking place. I have made mistakes too. There have been a few times when members have projected that I'm hostile. I see you trying a lot and hopefully we can learn together here. I like thinking of our community as an online family of sorts. We're all different, we all make mistakes but we are always here for one another. That is my hope, anyway. We'll miss you while you're away. Take care of yourself and we're here when you return.

Draco, I enjoy your writing. My blog has become more of a daily journal too. I hope you find writing and sharing here helpful.

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I'm sorry for deleting, John. I don't consider anything I have to say helpful or worthwhile because I have too much self hatred and anger. I re-read the stuff I post and I just think it's dumb and unsolicited.

I think it either annoys people, makes them mad, or they simply don't care. I get confused how to actually interact here. I'm even worse in person, I just don't say anything.

I basically always feel like the "turd in the punchbowl".

I'll try to be more considerate in the future, I know it makes the conversation hard to follow.

I'm going to be taking a break for a while anyway to figure done things out.

You shouldn't feel like the turd around here. You loose your temper.....who doesn't?

I don't know about the other guys here, but I've had friends annoy me or make me mad before. It doesn't make them any less a friend. We get nose to nose, growl at each other, and then when we calm down buy each other a beer.

Take a break if you need one, everyone does. When your heads clears pop back in.

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a "lift" is an elevator. we need a dictionary. :P

I had cause to work with a fellow from England for 3 years. His name was Larry. The first time he said Al-lou-any-um I had no idea what he was saying. Turned out it was aluminum. Same way for bonnet, being a car hood.

He immediately became Larry the limey, while he gave my accent holy hell every day. He constantly reminded me I spoke American, and was guilty of murdering the Queens English. We were close friends, still are. We stay in contact even today.

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I had cause to work with a fellow from England for 3 years. His name was Larry. The first time he said Al-lou-any-um I had no idea what he was saying. Turned out it was aluminum. Same way for bonnet, being a car hood.

He immediately became Larry the limey, while he gave my accent holy hell every day. He constantly reminded me I spoke American, and was guilty of murdering the Queens English. We were close friends, still are. We stay in contact even today.

draco the limey. :P

to be fair, it's actually just aluminium, so not that different.

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Bonnet lol. This is making me laugh because I had no idea that these terms weren't universal. I'm currently looking in the mirror and repeating them loud and slow. You guys will love this....ready? .... We call cigarettes....FAGS. Lol!

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Yeah Panhandlers are the same way here it's upsetting...

Do you have a love interest Draco? Or roomates in your flat? Flat is another very British/Australian term it's either an apartment or studio here.

I live alone currently, and I don't have a love interest either. Well not really, there is someone I work with that I like, but it's complicated so I'm trying to stay clear of pursuing something with her. I'm bisexual so I do have options I suppose, but I'm sure you can Imagine that I'm wrestling issues with putting myself out there.

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Bonnet lol. This is making me laugh because I had no idea that these terms weren't universal. I'm currently looking in the mirror and repeating them loud and slow. You guys will love this....ready? .... We call cigarettes....FAGS. Lol!

lmao. prepare for cigarette activists.

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What I am mostly trying to do now is to edit or rephrase my comment rather than delete. Not saying that is what everyone should, just sharing my practice.

Yeah I think I'll be doing the same. It's a shame to lose posts because some of the deleted content is a pleasure to read. If I miss something because of time away then it's difficult to get involved with the discussion. I won't be deleting from now on because more than anything, I'd love to revisit my posts in the furture and level with all of the meaningful and silly things the me of old felt.

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