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It's D-Day!

Well, I finally found an apartment. I had to pay a company $525 to act as a cosigner, in addition to all the move in fees. So, I'm going to owe my daughter money for a very long time. And while the financial issues are still overwhelming, I'm so happy that I have my own space. My daughter took excellent care of me over the past few weeks. Even so, I know my she'll be happy to have her apt back. My apartment isn't too far from her's so we can continue to help one another out. So today, I ha

LadyDreadHead

LadyDreadHead

Hope everyone is having a better day...

Wow, I can't believe it's been six days since I wrote last. Right now, I'm in a holding pattern. Yeah! I have my moments but they are few and far between. Those moments are more anxiety and less sadness. I'm waiting to hear about an apt. and have paid a company to act as a cosigner. So, I'm really hoping that will help. Meanwhile, my moments come from the "What ifs..." What happens if I don't get this apt.? Should I keep looking in this area? Those kinds of things. I talked to my husba

LadyDreadHead

LadyDreadHead

Gradually getting a little better...

I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere. For the past two days, I've managed my moods better. No meltdowns! I've had my moments but been able to either talk myself through them, pray, talk with my family, etc. For the first time in what seems like a long time, I didn't think about suicide. I didn't think about there being no hope. I even talked to my husband calmly to find out how he's doing. Turns out, he's not doing well, physically or emotionally. I let him know that me and my family

LadyDreadHead

LadyDreadHead

A Day of Drama...

After two and a half years, it finally happened. My husband called and screamed at me. This wasn't normal 'we're having an argument' screaming. He was uncontrollably enraged! Prior to this, he'd never even raised his voice to me. To make a long story short, he screamed at me stating I had my son delete his messages on his dating account. Now, my son is a lot more computer savvy than I am. But, he's not a hacker. And meanwhile, me and my husband are still married. I thought I was the one

LadyDreadHead

LadyDreadHead

Dependency/Independency

I just realized that I didn't fully explain what I meant by dependency. Prior to my current husband, I never, ever fully let down my guard with anyone. I was always financially and emotionally independent prior to the bouts of depression. Because of my emotional issues, as well as the way my parents raised me, I've always been overly independent. My current husband is the first man I have let my guard down with. When he told me I was beautiful, I knew he meant it. If he told me I was a good

LadyDreadHead

LadyDreadHead

Peace...

Happy New Year! At least, that's what I'm supposed to say. I really do wish everyone out there a Happy New year. It's just that I'm not feeling that the New Year hold much for me. I've been married four times. I guess I knew in my heart that the first two were going to be mistakes. But, I loved them and thought if we tried hard enough we could make it work. No. 3 I thought we would be able to make it, until his daughter became sick. He lives in Russia and I was trying to get him and my

LadyDreadHead

LadyDreadHead

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