Jump to content
Mental Support Community
  • entries
    134
  • comments
    425
  • views
    968

About this blog

Entries in this blog

10 defining moments...

Funny how I went to quite a bit in my life [i may tell the tale at one point. It's not that exciting or even that traumatic comparatively, but anyway...], but the most defining moments, the one that change my perception of life or who I was are sometimes uneventful. Anyway, here goes. 1. When I was 7, my friend S scratch a neighbour's car with a file and I was punished for it too. When I was a kid, I was a very good kid. Never did anything to upset my parents, was never really in trouble. But on

tourdelove

tourdelove

signs I've actually grown!

Well, after the cafafel of last Thursday when I saw C and last Wednesday when I was mean to my girlfriend's bf, I went off to my kayak weekend where I was annoyed with N, which was totally predictable... She always correct me when I go" hey can I have one of you beers?", She's like: "please", as if I was a F* child! SSSSSo annoying. even if I am asking someone else! So annoying! I actually told her to F* off. I know, that was a little harsh, but heck, I have told her before that it wasn't ok to

tourdelove

tourdelove

When in doubt...go paddling?

So, after feeling I don't want to hang out with my best friend this weekend as I feel that a] she's somewhat a bad influence on me in a way: she smokes, doesn't do much sport, likes to go to this seedy bar in her town, with a bunch of younger, drinking, smoking people that I find are wasting my time and my money, my energy too! b] since I don't like her boyfriend who's just so needy, jealous, attention requiring and drunk, and always just wants cigarettes or a free ride, or free drinks, free fo

tourdelove

tourdelove

I feel so little

Oh man. He was there. C_ was there. At the bike ride. f&()(*(&^(*^. After the ride there was beers and he was there. And I hear him talking to some girl who was somewhat pretty. He was like "look at you all good looking or something" and then I felt so little and I was acting like I didn't see him the whole time. I felt so hurt. Now I am crying like a little baby. My room mate is saying: F him, just move on. Do your thing. But I am just here. wallowing in my hurt. Thinking of what it c

tourdelove

tourdelove

Boundaries. What they are. How to work on that.

So often in the past, even though I knew exactly what my feelings were, especially when I felt hurt or angry, I did not allow myself to express them to others because I felt that they were too strong or unjustified. This has been a real problem: how do I know if I am not going overboard? And what do I do with these feelings? Some say the very difference between using our boundaries as our guidelines for how others should treat us and manipulation, is that with boundaries we let go of the outcome

tourdelove

tourdelove

My own research

In an effort to make some changes, I have been searching high and low for things I can do to help myself. On the net and in books and reflecting and all that. When people write about 'dependent personality disorder', most of the time it's about symptoms and not much else. Cognitive Therapy is mentioned, which is basically relearning a set of skills [..] but they may not go in details on this, of course. So for the people who want to take it into their own hands [shockingly] to improve their qual

tourdelove

tourdelove

reflections on confidence in love...

I spent a few days again with my best friend R and her boyfriend, and I noticed a few things. First, I have difficulty liking him now and I think I know several reason why. But it is incredibly interesting as somethings that I do not like in him, I feel like I behave somewhat similarly in love, in life. Poor ol D is very 'in love' with my friend. Sometimes, I feel like it's close to worship. She is a confident woman, she does what she has to do to meet her goals, her day to day things to do...Sh

tourdelove

tourdelove

Basic needs, bonuses, and dreams

This is the first exercise that my therapist asked me to do. I have been thinking about it for two weeks now, and I am going to start writing down what are my basic needs, the bonuses - stuff that isn't essential but would be great, and my dreams [how to fulfill them]. I guess, one key thing she mentioned is to try and be specific [how long, how often..] Basic Needs: 1] 8-9 h sleep 2] 6 glasses of water/day 3] 30-45min of physical activity, 5d/week 4] A safe, clean, comfy place to live 5] Love,

tourdelove

tourdelove

Bike ride!

Well, I guess my bike is looking at me like a young pup eager for a walk, it's beautiful here, bike ride it is. It does help me get the moods sorted out a bit, get out of the head and into the body.

tourdelove

tourdelove

Doing not so smart things at work. tap in the back of the head

Argh, so there it is for you my friends. I feel regrets, regrets, and huhg, anxiety. So, in an effort of being accepted by my all guys co-worker, that get beers, hum 'almost' after work, onece the foreman is gone [he works shorter days, for 5 days, instead of 4 longer days like the rest of the crew], yesterday, for my final day of week one, I offered to go get the beers. Bad, bad, bad! On the clock, yes that's right:eek:. AND, we are not supposed to drink at work! Hum , so much for saying I woul

tourdelove

tourdelove

Well, so much for that...I GOT THE JOB!! AH!

Well, after all this anxiety, and all, I actually did get the job. I was on my way to the next town to continue the job search and not letting my mistake get to me, and, not only one employer, but 2, called me back, first the job I really wanted, which just made me go wooohoooo! and then the other one, but I had to tell the lady I already got a job. I am so stoked and thank all the great, great help I got here from Star mainly and from Malign too, all the support that really encouraged me to not

tourdelove

tourdelove

Unethical Behavior in the workplace, what they say it means.

TRying to understand what just happened to me... This is a note to self as to why it is in reality a difficult question to answer in real life, but in an interview, you have to give a straight shooter answer... And since I over-analyze a lot of things, as we know, I tend to do it in the wrong situations as well! Like in a freakin' interview But, as the semi-intellectual person that I am, I need to make sense of this and here is why it is not an actual easy issue! Especially when you deal with o

tourdelove

tourdelove

oh gawd, here we go again!

WTF! So, I went for 2 interviews this morning and one seemed to have gone very well, and then the other, I kind of got all nervous and didn't understand the question and was a bit spinning my wheels! it's the second time it happens to me with that question! It's extremely weird, I don't know why I answered so poorly... Anyway, here how it went: The girl was asking what I would do if someone asked me to do an unethical thing at work! And I answered, good at first, I said I would ask for details a

tourdelove

tourdelove

The story, yeah, it's not great, but it needs to be told

I know refuse to stay like this, however, I have never accepted it, until now :eek: and pretty much 'lied' to myself and others to a certain extent, pretending that I was an 'independent' person, but the reality is different. When I am in a relationship, I appear to function [at least, from an outsider's perspective], but it is mostly, I think, or thought [more on this later] with the encouragement/help/attention of my partner... I know I may expect to much from myself, but I will find a balance

tourdelove

tourdelove

The needs or whatever

So I went to the therapist. Only problem, is she can only see me during the day time?! Hum, what if you have a f* job? Sigh. Anyway, we'll cross that bring when we get there... For now, I have homework.

tourdelove

tourdelove

The job search, and the saga continues

As I was sending resume this morn, it sort of made me feel better about myself. That I could find the energy to do so, and not be too afraid... I was crying again last night, over C_ again, reflecting on how so not assertive and having no freakin boundaries, and after reading how, you know, what is attractive to guys my age is a woman who is proactive and takes care of herself and gets things done. All area where I lack... I mean I am not that bad but, there is areas where I am not where I want

tourdelove

tourdelove

Top priority list: me

things to know and think: “What's the advantage of having this guy around?” “How do I feel about myself after I’ve been in his company?” “What’s in it for me?” Adopt the philosophy of “approval neither desired nor required.” After all, there will always be someone there to tell you that you aren’t attractive enough, perfect enough, or that you didn't come from the right side of the tracks. True confidence is born when you...Don't believe what anyone tells you about yourself. Another reason why

tourdelove

tourdelove

Note to self: what is most important to me?

Hum, I don't know. hence the note to self. I have to work on this, bit by bit. What is most important to me? feeling loved and appreciated being able to support myself through good, paying, rewarding work health, taking care of my health ----- Values being productive, efficient and useful. Hates wasted time, money or effort. Wants to see concrete, tangible results of actions. You appear to be somewhat motivated by power, status and success. The following is a list of the traits you share with i

tourdelove

tourdelove

Wow

Luckily I was in a more uplifted mood today and had energy to apply for 4 jobs. Two were already filled or the position disappeared. One was a maybe, the other one didn't cal back yet. But I am glad I am doing something constructive today.

tourdelove

tourdelove

How many times do I have to

How many times do I have to repeat to myself that it's not that bad, I am not that bad. In fact, I am quite good. I am a good person. I am smart. Yes, I am pretty down right now, and a lot of times I have a knot in my throat, I can't concentrate, but I will come out of this. I swear. To myself. I am taking some actions. It is not so terrible to be alone. And, I am not completely alone. I have good friends. I have some work lined up for this weekend. I know I feel bad because I see some of my ex

tourdelove

tourdelove

distress

OMG, I just want to cry right now. I can't find a job and I am really scared. I feel a bit ashamed. argh.

tourdelove

tourdelove

Uhg

things that are. - place is a mess - haven't finished painting - car is a mess - less exercise - eating crappy food - taxes - bike all rusty - look for a job - a chair for others

tourdelove

tourdelove

Behavior Modification Techniques

Long-term studies of work incentives, behavior management programs for children, weight loss and stop smoking plans have all found similar, revealing results: • Performance and quality of work declines over time because people are thinking only about the incentive or reward, instead of the value of what they are doing. • If there is a loss of interest in the reward, people become less motivated to do the task. • The work becomes an unpleasant task that is endured strictly to get the reward. • Pe

tourdelove

tourdelove

Running away from Intimacy?

I found this on the net regarding 3 intimacy-blockers, found here Feeling unworthy of love We all know the old adage: In order to love someone you have to love yourself first. I would add self-acceptance to the requirement for you and your partner to develop a deep and fulfilling emotional connection. When you feel unworthy of love, or ashamed of some parts of yourself, or your life, you have no choice but to close parts of yourself off to your partner. Intimacy is a two-way street that will suf

tourdelove

tourdelove

×
×
  • Create New...