I decided to take some of my longer thought to blog vs. posting so in depth. I guess currently this is filling in for the lack of 'talk therapy'...

This, is one on my primary coping skills in working through things. I find if I can get things troubling me in an order that I can explain them to an outsider, then they make sense to me (how I understand=my ability to accept/cope/change) often in doing so I make new revaluations.

Well, I guess I should note that as BP II: for me, my manic isn't hasn't extended to delusions hallucinations etc. So 'FULL MANIC' may have been a strong emotional statement on my part. Generally speaking the same behaviors go with my manic side & get stronger, stronger as I get more manic, I see more of them and I get fixations with them also.

My 'safe manic; mode... up early, up late (reduced need for sleep), fun & perky, happy-go-lucky, cleaning everything, typically quite organized.

Normally the major URGE players in my manic are:

*Spending

*Craving alcohol

*attention to personal appearance

*Sex drive

*attention to cleaning organizing

*wanderlust...wanting to be 'out'

(& notice changes in how I interact with strangers...talking, staring, how I think they are 'looking at me')

I don't want to get UP too much, I ignored the signs 2 weeks ago and had a really big fall. Why I'm looking for help, currently no meds to adjust, If I get to where I am actually drinking, spending despite what I can afford and justifying that I have a good reason for it, spending a lot of time &/or $ on appearance, and getting well, horny. I will be in trouble and ready for a fall. (those are the 4 major red flags) I still have a little room before I hit that point and I want to head it off.

Frustration seem to be a possible trigger especially with parenting challenging children and having a challenging spouse (I believe he is OCPD, leaning toward perfectionism and narcissism, with recent panic attacks & anxiety however he feels that no professional is "qualified" to judge him) so I give him the daily support I am able to & am left with focusing on myself and my recovery and helping my children have daily coping skills as well as dealing with my bipolar (possible ADD) {and my husbands background personality/control issues.}

* am getting into family therapy soon: as 11 yr old son is showing signs of depression and possible ODD and 3 yr old is having issues with aggression as well as hyperactivity issues. 13 has no outward emotional distress but I still want her to have safe venue for expression and coping skills for intrasibling conflict (is that a word?) 1 year old is to young to be 'tainted' but I intend to support my whole family and help/ protect my kids.

Also, illness and pain seem to make me more susceptible to mood swings. When fibromyalgia is acting up things are worse.