I think my problem with any conflicts is that I don't want any confrontation, I just want to run and hide. Obvisouly this is not a good way to resolve anything, it just makes it worse for me.

Whats odd with me is that when the conflict or lets say someone has a problem with me directly, I then don't have a problem confronting, and talking it out. I mostly have a problem when I am a witness to hurt feelings and it doesn't get resloved and it continues, I feel I must be a peace maker and I then feel I make it worse and I bring it all on myself when.

Im not sure if I am accurately saying what I mean, so bear with me. I think its because there is underlying issue here for me and how I cope or rather don't cope with this, I just don't know what it is. And thats what I want to find out, what is my true issue with this, is it certain words, tones or what. Because like I said before, if I feel like I am backed into a corner I have no problem standing up for myself and dealing directly with the problem...Im so confused, I hope I didn't confuse anyone esle, not sure Im making any sense out of this.

Just want to say our Mod Domino wants to remind everyone that there isnt any right or wrong in all this. Its all just how we think or feel dont worry about not makin sense because here its ok to

A. just not make sense

and

B. to be asked to expand if needed without gettin pounded maybe slobbered but no pokes or poundings

Shannon, I am glad you posted to lead us off. My mind is so, frustrated right now I'll have to come back. AND you do make sense. This is a good topic to explore for all of us I think.

Good Im glad I made some sense, my brain kept jumping around from one thought to another and I had trouble keeping up with myself:D

I am so sick right now might not make no sense but per Domino's rules it's all good

Shannon I think sometimes being felt like your in the middle without a way to "fix" things might be another reason why you got as upset as you did just my opinion ya know seeing several youd been talkin with getting into it and you not being the "target" but like ya said you wanted needed to be peacemaker I wonder though if the upset it causes you is worth the gesture for you. I think its easier to feel ok standing up for oneself in a conflict but when it involves people you know its a lot harder to know what part if any to try and do I dont think its just about stuff here either in general

I dont think anyone unless real evil likes or enjoys conflict and what you called hiding I think is more only trying to hope it goes away and not have it bother you more totally understandable no one except evil people like to watch others be hurt and I guess overload can happen

When I was younger Id just kick the crap out of a real trouble maker someone gettin in my face as I got older though it got more to words and learning to just get away there are very few conflicts I think that have to be resolved and some that wont ever be Being able to rethink things and figure out if resolution is possible or wanted is whats important to me now. If its something for work then I might just go through the motions because I love money things with strangers I think to myself what is chance Im gonna have to have anything really to do with this person again

when it happens with friends time to think about it all without doing anything for a bit I find works out better. I think when nothing gets said for a bit there isnt any chance of things becomin more heated and worse and then if its really someone I want to stay friends with I think about what they are saying and thought was the issue and try to match it up with what I think usually then the whole picture becomes clear as to why the conflict happened to begin with. Sometimes apologizing is right other times its telling the other person you still dont agree with their stance but that the friendship means more than whatever the problem was and lets agree to disagree and continue on

To me I think its all really depends on how important something is Has the way I felt about it been takin into consideration at all or is all just the other person in conflicts "side" how has that person treated me or others in a conflict immediatly following it all things here and anywhere goes into how something becomes resolved. Almost as much as I hate lying I hate total one sideness I also dont like others I dont know trying to make more of a rift while claiming to only be stating their opinion especially when it comes across as so one sided.

In person stuff and online isnt too much different in some ways but in some they really are. I dont think a lot of things said by typing would be said to someones face which is where more confusion and hurt feelings get generated. Sometimes also a peacmaker to me can come across as only wanting something to end which is understandbale but without really seeing why something continues on or took off to begin with. whether in real life or here I think taking someone involved to the side to work it out can be much better than doing it in front of others not involved. Then there isnt any chance of someone feeling caught in the middle or being upset for no reason.

Disagreements suck.

Think I used most of my dayquil energy now be back later

I do agree with so much that you said Mike. It has been something for me to think about, is getting stuck in the middle and trying to be the peacemaker worth it when it tends to stress and upset me so much. It probably would of been better just to stay out of it, for my own sake, I don't know. I have done this very thing before in my past. Sometimes playing the role of peacemaker has worked to some degree, at least sometimes it has defused the argument and calmed things down so that a discussion can happen, Sometimes it doesnt work at all.

I for myself have no problem in standing up for myself and when I am the involved party. I like to think that I keep an open mind and let the other person state what they feel. So that we can get to the point of agreeing to disagree.

ok..there is more I want to discuss about this, but my neurotransmitters are shorting out, and I am having trouble saying what I mean.