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Preparing to Weather the Storm



I have a birthday coming up on the 10th, and I fear that this will really be hard for me since there will be no card, no hug, no telephone call, to tell me "Happy Birthday, Sis!". From this point on up through New Years is going to be really hard for me seeing as how there will be many firsts without my brother. There is my birthday, my nephews birthday (whom I will not get to see), Thanksgiving, my daughter's birthday, Christmas, and New Years. I have to be twice as strong on Christmas because my daughter's birthday is actually on Christmas day, and she's already talking about the sadness she feels that her uncle will not be there to celebrate with her. It will also be hard because seeing as how my parents have disowned me, I am not welcome to spend Christmas with them. However, I will send the kids with my husband so that they can have Christmas dinner with their grandparents.

My daughter has forgotten that my birthday is soon and I'm not about to bring it up to her. She will just feel guilty about not being able to get me something. My husband has forgotten as well. It's hard to accept that, but it's what I've got to do. We don't have the money to go out and do anything anyway.

I'm preparing the best way I know how, but can you really prepare when you don't know what to expect? My pain is unbearable on a daily basis, add what should be a special day to spend with your loved ones into the mix and it's the perfect recipe for ultimate sadness. :(


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Jenna, I'm sorry you are struggling and in so much pain. :( And the fact that your family is not only not supportive but downright cruel makes this that much more difficult for you. :( Are you able to remember and hold any positive memories of the holidays you spent with Charlie?



I'm here and listening.

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Your picture made me think of him. He loved the outdoors, I could almost picture him sitting at the water's edge admiring the sky, maybe pitching pebbles into the water.

I appreciate you being here for me, Beth. I appreciate everyone on this board for the words of advice and encouragement. Without those words, I don't know where I would be right now.

At this point, it's as if my mind will not let me remember back to the holidays I've spent with him. I've tried to remember all the good times and so few things come to mind. It scares me to think they could have possibly faded from my mind, especially when they're the only things that I can hold on to. I'm hoping they are in there, just hidden by the grief. I am also hoping they will soon reveal themselves. I need something besides this overwhelming sadness that swallows me whole on a daily basis.

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Sorry for all the pain Jenna. Birthdays and holidays can be so horrible precisely because they are SUPPOSED to be happy times spent with loved ones. I'm trying to figure out how to opt out of Christmas this year myself. How to do it in a way that makes one happy?

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Can you imagine a place in your mind where you and Charlie can go to visit together? Somewhere to connect with your happy memories of him? Maybe in the giant field of bluebells...Take care today, Jenna.

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