So the scenario of a person finding him and loving him and wanting him to feel comforted so he can be ok about coming out of hiding is not a scenario that this part trusts...

There's also a fear that the fear will turn out to be trivial when put into words, though. The fearful leader knows he'd be in disgrace if that happened.

I hear that the leader is feeling afraid. It also sounds as though another part might be judging him or perhaps fears judgment from others? Has he been shamed before for expressing fear? What if one of your friends here had expressed something similar? How might you respond to that person? I offer my questions very gently just as something to think about. I could be way off.

The fearful leader (which is a pretty good part name, for the moment) probably believes we aren't completely safe unless alone.

Maybe it helps to connect with what feels safe. Is feeling safe just about being alone or are there other aspects of being alone that help him feel safe?

I'm sorry I ask so many questions. I want to support you in whatever way works best for you and that's always a learning process.

Take care, Mark.

Oh wow. I entirely missed page 2. Sorry about that.

Could wanting to be alone be a way of avoiding the possible associated uncomfortable emotions?

Solvitur ambulando -- "it is solved by walking."

What I mean by this is...to walk to clear your mind and spirit, for a bit.

What made me think I might be punished? History, maybe? ... or that that's what I would have done (and therefore probably did do internally) to myself, for wandering away.

I'm a born introvert, Beth, and though I like people much more than I used to think, it's still harder for me to be around them, in terms of safety-triggers. That is, not because I'm actually safer alone, but that there are more interpersonal things that trigger me than impersonal ones.

"So the scenario of a person finding him and loving him and wanting him to feel comforted so he can be ok about coming out of hiding is not a scenario that this part trusts..."

It was rarely my experience ... On the occasion where I got lost, my Dad seemed happy to find me, and maybe tried clumsily to comfort me. My mom seemed in shock, as if she needed someone to comfort her ... Not unhappy that I'd been found, but as if she was still processing what might have happened if I hadn't been ... I think it was always one of her deepest fears that she might let us (my brother and me) down in some way, and we'd get hurt. She stepped into what might have been her own worst nightmare.

{this sat on my computer for 2 1/2 hours while I went to a meeting ...}

Self-care when feeling triggered can be tough for any of us. We all cope in our own unique ways. Maybe there are times too when it feels okay to reach out to others?

I do want you to know that I care.

I like the walking advice, Kent. It's probably what I'd prefer to do, while alone. There's something about moving oneself through space ...

was it one occurring in nature, seddy, or one of those boxes for farmers?

Sadly, my brain supplies only an image of Austin Powers shouting, "Oh, beehive!"

Or something.

It's late.

It's the Friday before a holiday.

One of those must be good enough, as an excuse.

How's the integrating going? Finding any comfort?

(Another topic so very relevant to me... I'm grateful to everybody who contributed here. )

Just a little idea about why you possibly (I don't know if also probably) you might prefer this job although you don't like it: It allows you to find, even during the day, some time for this forum (and perhaps some other activities), while a job that you'd love could "absorb" you and you're afraid of it? (Yet, you mentioned that you'd like a "laid-back job" and that evokes something where you'd have even more time for extra-activities than now (or only less stress??), so I may be completely wrong here...)