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Blossom

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I Can't live anymore. I feel too bad. I can't deal with it anymore. it's too hard. Everything is wrong and nothing is right. I can't fix anything. I keep doing bad things and I'm sorry. I'm just in the way. everyone would be better off without me. There's no point to my life. I hurt.

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I had to start making my own way. They reacted so negatively to my independence, I did have to cut contact for a while. It was so hard. There were little clues that I was on the right track though, I could feel myself getting better. It was so, so hard, but I could not have continued the way things were. I was dying for sure.

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I dunno, hating life and wanting to die sound like pretty good reasons to get help. :-)

You're not drawing attention to yourself to call a therapist. They're used to it, and no one else needs to know. And I don't believe that you know it won't help. The depression is saying that, but it's lying.

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You're talking to me, and believe me, I'm fairly strange! :-)

Well, the decision is obviously up to you. But it makes sense to exhaust all options if the alternative you're considering is suicide.

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Well it just takes a little willingness. A little bit here and there, resisting the negative things you want to say about yourself inside, realizing that is just being mean, and you don't need to do that to you. Realizing you don't have all the answers, but you can breathe together, you can coexist inside the same skin without adding to all the hate that's been directed to you from people that are lost and desperate themselves. You NEED you, and you can't make it if you join everyone in tearing you down.

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Spend the summer with us at the site, Invisible. We will get through this. Taking up meditation would be awesome. I'll try to do more of that stuff too. You might even hear about me doing a little art, who knows? :)

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I'm going to try do some art aswel. It's so strange not having assignments to work on.. Do you do much meditation? I just don't know where to start. I've tried lots of times but I always get distracted..

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Mindfulness is tough when you are also beating yourself up! I rely heavily on walks in nature, which I'm about to go out and do. Nature pulls me out of my spiralling thoughts and gives me lots of interrelationships to look at, sun and water, wind and leaves, birds and air...That kind of thing calms me, and I've learned a form of meditation to do while I'm walking in nature. It's all in how you set up your intent. So looking at nature and calming your breathing, those are a place to start. We will keep talking about it, OK? I want to hear what works for you, and you've got all summer to figure it out. I've got to go, but I'll be checking on you later :)

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