Hi tour, I'm sorry it sucks so bad right now

I can help poke!

Plus, maybe you guys can drag each other kicking and screaming towards quitting. ;-)

Yah, seriously! thanks guys.... I freaking need to stop this!!!! I really want to scream that's for sure! I want to feel my body healthy again. I don't want the pangs, I don't want to feel all like I have to leave when I am with my friends cus I need to go for a secret smoke Makes me cry that I do this to myself and that it's not even enjoyable, it doesn't do anything for me except fulfilling my addiction.

I want to be healthy again.

I want to be triving again.

I want to feel love and not bitterness again.

So, I just receive an email from Y the coward. saying I like you but you put me on the spot when you called saturday. I had a chance to think about us on sunday and I think we want the same thing but in different ways. I can't give you more than what I am giving you right now. so even though I am sad [uh-huh] I think it's best if we go our separate ways to prevent frustration/brokenhearts down the line. I know the email thing is lame but I know it would come out all crooked if I did it in person, hope you can understand!!!!!!! Wow what a finaly!

I am so sad. I am mad. I am not even worth doing this in person. Just a lame email for me.

I wonder now what's wrong with me.. I just wonder if I am clingy or what!!!!! I don't get it!!!! And now I will feel awekard to go to that pub where I always hang out with my friends...because he likes to go there sometimes and shoot pool, and also his best girl friend works there. I saw her on sunday and she gave me the evil eye as she passed me, barely saying hi! WT?

What he wrote in the email keeps on coming back in my mind! And the worse is I knew I should have called it quits about two weeks ago and be the one who dumps for once!!!! I always second guess myself and end up being dumped. always! [except M, I guess, but that's a different story how it went down!] I always think, maybe I am not seing this correctly or asking for too much or...not going about it the right way.... Maybe I should think about being stronger.... The winner... Playing the game. Hard to get...

I am so confused right now! I don't think I should write him anything. No text. No calls. I don't think he deserves anything at all!!! I feel mad that somehow, he gets my tears! and my thoughts even!

I don't know what I'll do next time I see him. Pretend all is good and I am striving. Fake smile... oh ya! I am awesome! Got tones of dates... Just fannnnnntastic buddy. BTW. you're still fat and self absorbed. See ya wouldn't want to be ya.

Oh geez, listen to me. such a baby.

Goodness help me! Universe. Something! "hello god, it's margaret... are you there?" This is how I feel right now.

Well, okay.

1) Good riddance.

2) You could try the cool, I've got more men interested in me than you've got ... fingers? (We need something really devasting here, and I'm fresh out.) Or, you could do what I would do, walk up to him with your laptop open and say, "Look at this e-mail some jerk sent me." And when he goes to look, you break the thing over his head.

Either way.

(You're entitled to think childish revenging thoughts. That's normal. Following through on them, that would be a little over the top.)

3) Please stop with "I'm not worth him doing this in person." The truth is, he wasn't up to doing this in person. His shortcoming, not yours. Not that you don't have any, no one's perfect, but that one's not on you.

4) There is no game. There is no winner. Love is a team sport. ;-)

5) Don't stop talking about it. You need to vent, and you need some objective input to counter the way you're talking to yourself.

I love the #2.

and no, I wont follow through. Of course not. There will only be a little falling apart, and then done.

One thing though, I want to know all my shortcomings now. So I can rectify. I want people to tell me.

As per dating. well, I am still not convinced but the more I date, the more I see a game. Girl: hard to get a hold of. Guy: supposed to be chasing and yearning.

I hope I can be proven wrong... and if right, well please someone tell me what to do. what my mistakes are...

Thank you, I rather enjoyed thinking up #2 myself.

I just didn't want you telling the police "But Mark told me to." :-) I know you wouldn't really go off.

You want to rectify all your shortcomings? :-)

Believe me, guys will be too afraid of the perfect girl to ask her out.

But you may have a point about dating. Practised in a certain way, it can become a game. Maybe it makes more sense to date your friends.

Um, could it be a mistake to begin a desperate search for mistakes? Maybe you did everything right, and he's just . Okay, maybe not "everything right", but ... nothing wrong.

Well, Ok, that's a lil unrealistic. Not all my shortcoming although I suppose it would be nice to tone them down a notch.

I do think it was a mistake to ask him to see me more. I think that I wanted to get it over with. I should have just gone meh, and start dating other guys, well if there would have been... Or gearing up to see other guys. and put the brakes on.

Dating friends. that would be hard. unfortunately, my guy friends are either taken, or I have little attraction towards them, or they have no attraction towards me.

And I want to change up my circle of friends a bit. Like I said before, R's friends are too much on the party side. And right now, because I am pretty inactive physically, apart from the gym, It's hard to get with the other just acquaintances that could become friends, and get amongst it.

I got to say, I feel a little better today. Funny how quick the 'window of opportunities' closes on my end. Now I feel a little bored with Y. Now I am like: I didn't like that he constantly gave me the play-by-play of his day [got to do this and then that, and then, and then]. I didn't like that brought the 'jealousy' and the 'I need space' all the time. I didn't like that he believed in astrology. I didn't like that he was still not at peace with his parents. I didn't like that he didn't find Fargo, Best in Show, Sunshine of the Spotless mind interesting movies. I didn't like some of his cheezy music. And he always complained about his body. But bosted about how he was the best in his boxing class all the time... I didn't like that he thought biking was gay!!! I love biking! I didn't like his grumpy streaks. I didn't like that he had too many hair products and perfums and showed them to me like he just discovered he was metro.

Ok I stop now.

Well, if your friends are all taken, you need more friends. :-)

Yeah, it's a change of pace, because you have to wait to make friends. You can't direct it by saying, "Hey, they're cute, let's ask them out." Instead, you just have to mix, and wait for it to happen. Well, not wait, but think of something else until it happens.

I like the negativity list. I think that has its place in recovery right along with the revenge thoughts. It's not like you're going around spreading rumors to people he knows. You're just here with us, venting. That's perfectly okay, when you need to do it.

Yep, just venting. or assessing. Cus, sometimes, I want someone to be so good, I ignore what I don't really like. It's not that he's bad. On the contrairy, he's mostly a good catch. but it's just preferences. It's like can I deal with this or is this going to become a problem for me. And, honestly, I know I could have dealt with all his little quirks and quarks. But, now, I have to push him away in my mind. Remind myself it wasn't THAT good.

OMG nnnnnno, this is for me only, well for here only, where I can gather my thoughts. I don't do the revenge thing well. Neither I do bragging well... or gossiping well. Just not into it. I mean I did try it when I was a kid and then realized it just started some sort of nasty ball game. I just stay clear if people are mean. I might throw a funny coment back... sometimes... maybe... if I do come up with something funny and not too harmful... like I could have for Andrea, but most of the time, these come backs just don't pop in my mind quickly enough, so I leave it.

As per the cuties, You know... I am usually that kind of person that will ask out! Go toward guys. I changed my strategy recently because I wasn't, or I thought I wasn't getting much success with that anymore. I jut did with my first 'love', and maybe that was one of a kind deal... But I hate waiting to be catched honestly. I don't know what it is. Maybe I am a boy inside...

But I can wait. Yah. That I can do.

I know you're venting, and that you're not a gossip or really vengeful. I was encouraging you, in case you felt guilty.

I didn't mean that it was bad for a girl to ask the guy out, or that you should stop going out ... more to go out with the idea of making friends and having a good time, rather than the whole game of "dating", with all of its evaluations.

It struck me that maybe one reason you don't have many guy friends that you're attracted to might be that you avoid having guys like that as friends. They either become dates or drift away? I don't know, it was just a thought.

Don't settle, that's all. The reason I teased you about "all shortcomings" is that I don't really see that this ended because of you. Maybe you're doing great; he just missed out.

Well, ok, there are a lot of guy friends that I have that I find attractive to some level. I think I have almost as much guy friends as girl friends... But they are either taken [and I am not one who's gonna flirt with that] or they have something about them that makes them 'definitively not boyfriend material'... And then there's other that are 'maybes'.

But you're right, when meeting new guys now, it goes into that date-able category. I think it's because I've been told that if you just become friends with a guy you like.... they will remain, just friend. Just like my house mate...

I don't think I did a serious offense in the Y department. But I did scare him away with my demand of seeing him more often. I just have a hard time with the one evening a week! And I told him, and then I got the talk. bam! Slam! See you later Sam!

Meh. You told him what you wanted, and he told you he didn't have it. Sounds like a win for you, the way I see it. ;-)

I know, it's all in how you look at it.

I disagree with the "once a friend, always a friend" idea. I've seen it go both ways often enough, friend to lover and even lover to friend, with people who can deal with that. It just depends on the people.

well, it's good to hear different finally. Because I think that would be awesome. A way to take thing slooooow and get to know the person well on a let's do fun things together plan only and THEN maybe... I like that way better. Would make things way more comfortable.

Now that I think of it,, it may have been like that with M for a while at the start but on the other hand, I knew he 'liked' me... a lot.... cus his bro had told me. But I felt no pressure. There was no dates. Just going skiing and climbing and hanging with a bunch of friends. it was ideal really.

Yah, it's seems like a win. When I get over it, I am sure I'll feel fully this way.