Hey Starrry!!!!!! are you home from work yet?

I will definitely tell rabbit you said hi!

Bravo star! On the emailing the therapist and taking care of you.

Tell us more about your worries..... what's going on?

hi blossom, I have to apologize, I just laughed out loud at your expense. I thought it was funny how bluntly you wrote I got shit on by a bird , even though I laughed, I'm sorry it happened.

Oh yeah, also, yes I am home from work.

I don't know my exact worries really, I am having much trouble with being too depressed, with each passing day it gets worse and I feel I am giving up. Practically in tears just because I exist. I asked my therapist for help in the email. Maybe he's worth something if he actually helps me when I need it. I tried to make it clear to him that I was not suicidal, I just hope he doesn't take my writing the wrong way. I am just scared for myself the past few days.

Oh star, you have to be so totally exhausted by everything!! That is just so much that you are bearing. You are doing a good job speaking up about it, star. Were you able to say the same thing to the therapist that you are telling us, please, I need help?

that's ok starry, i'm glad i made you laugh:)

You did make me laugh, I had to read it twice, just one of those unexpected things.

I don't know that I said the words I need help, but I did ask him if he could please tell me what to do to fix how I am feeling. Not that I expect he'd have an answer, but he's a doctor, so maybe he has some way he could help me. Yes, I am completely exhausted, I just feel like I have nothing left, out of gas, need new batteries, something along those lines cause right now I am empty.

Yes, that makes sense. It feels like this situation has used you up to the last drop.

I just want to talk safety for a moment, OK? Please know that checking yourself in to a hospital is a very smart thing to do if things get too much to handle. I know that is very scary to even think that, and no one wants you to reach that point, but keep it tucked away as an emergency plan to keep you safe, OK? Remember malign had to do that once. We're very glad he did and kept himself safe, right? I'm just saying, let yourself have a safe plan if it all gets to be too much at some point. I hope it's OK I bring that up.

That's fine to bring up finding. But I am not suicidal, that's what I said, I'm not, not that I am. Here's the problem at the moment is I have my parents on my case, I guess I haven't been trying as hard as usual and they have noticed. At dinner I got the whole talk, what's wrong, are you okay, do you need to tell us something. I smiled, said I'm fine. I was just upstairs laying down, and my dad comes in my room, he never comes in my room, he starts in with what's wrong with you, can i help, are you sure. The thing is, thanks for caring, but first of all, coming in my room is way to invasive, second of all, you questioning me doesn't help. Apparently obviously, I am sad, so leave me alone. (my parents, not you) I am a little worried, but I don't feel that I am not safe.

it's just me home, me mom and dad. everyone else is out, has lives. whatever, good for them

I hate that, sitting there, with them, just the three of us, even if I am as low as I think I can go, apparently there is always lower. I just feel like such aloser when it's like that all the time. I hate it.

OK, I didn't think you were at that point either, but I had to bring it up for safety's sake. I am so glad you want to keep you safe. That means a great deal. It's just a back up plan to tuck away.

Well there are other ways to give your body a break. It's our bodies that have to contain and carry all this pain, especially if the mind can't wrap around it and solve it. It may seem unrelated, but if you can do anything, anything good for your body, that is helpful. It could be a manicure, a bath, a walk, putting on something nice the body likes, looking at beautiful things in nature, listening to the rain, listening to soothing music.... even if it takes away a teensy molecule of exhaustion, it is something.

Thta's it, there is the answer, sometimes there is so much it leaves your mind, eneters your body then your really screwed.

I just have to make it til 10:00.

you know, yes I am very glad that malign is safe, that he kept his self safe. But that is just not something I could do, go to a hospital that is. I can just hope I don't have to make that decision.

Could you maybe paint a big exclamation point on your roof, so your helicopter pilot can find you???

you know, even if a helicopter did come its not like there is actually another option for me.

It's nice to pretend but the reality is I'm stuck here, for the time being anyway.

Why do they even ask whats wrong. cant they see what is wrong with the picture. who would want to live my life. They never had to.

But at least you're trying to change things starry!! You've made a huge start by going to therapy. I think you're very brave and i wish we could really send a helicoptor for you:(

You are getting yourself unstuck, star. It's just hard for you to feel it, because so much of you is still stuck in the bad feelings. There is progress though. You aren't going to feel it in this moment stuck with your parents in this way. But it is real and true.

Blossom! star needs some ice cream!!! What kind should we pick up?

thanks blossom, I did try, but it's not working. I don't understand why he won't help me.

Starry's favourite ice-cream is mint choc chip!!! (see how i remembered starry;))

What's ye's favorite, Blossom?

right now my favourite is cookie dough.. (but i like all ice-cream)

what about you?

here's the thing guys, anyway you look at it I am PATHETIC.

I'm not looking for you to tell me I'm not. It's so obvious, there may as well be a flashing neon sign above my head. Okay, I am done with this now. Sorry to be like this, I'm going to try deep breathing again

good memory blossom

Sweet star, you are deep in your trigger right now!!!!! Anyone would feel their very worst when deeply trapped in the thing that triggers them!!!! We understand. We love you anyway!!! Can you take us on faith that there is more to you and your life but you just can't feel it right now, and no wonder