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my wisdom tooth kinda hurts..:(


Blossom

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i'm not sure why everything is so confusing. everything's mixed up inside me and it doesn't make sense and i know i keep saying the same thing over and over and over but i don't know what to do because nothing's getting better. no matter where i go or what i do i feel sad. even when i do feel a little happy it somehow turns into sad. i'm never completely happy. everywhere i go i feel so out of place and i have nowhere to go. noone wants me and it hurts. noone gets me:mad:

i think i've realised something though.

i think i'm scared of getting to know people. when i was small i had a best friend, she's my next door neighbour at home, and we did everything together and we wore the same clothes and went to each other's houses everyday and played and everyone thought we were twins even though i was ginger and she wasn't . we were best friends for about 10 years i think and then she dumped me to hang out with another girl in our class and they became a twosome. i was so sad. it's not such a big deal now though because i've realized we don't have anything in common anymore. it was a big deal for me at the time though. i'm not sure why i'm even talking about this. She's the only 'best friend' i ever had. i've had lots of other friends but they weren't my "best friends".. i dunno what the difference between a "friend" and a "best friend" are. it was just important to have a best friend at the time and mine dumped me so it sucked..

out of the two of us she was always the decision maker and i kinda depended on her a lot so when she left me i was kinda lost:( then ykw kept annoying me about it saying it's my own fault she stopped hanging out with me because i'm stupid and boring. she kept comparing me to the other girl and saying maybe if i was more like her maybe i'd have more friends. i hate when she compares me to people. it makes me so angry:mad:

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poor babies...:D:(

i agreeee!! it is a long stupid day!!!

i only slept for about an hour last night and i'm headachy and sleepy even though i've been drinking coffee all day and now red bull. hmmmm.

why's your day stupid?

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yikes, that was me yesterday, the no sleep thing, that sucks, but I slept like a baby last night, actually I over slept yikes :eek:

I don't know, I just hate today and am having trouble with my mood going up and down and trying to think but stopping myself and a whole bunch of garbage. I want to cancel my appt tonight but I'm too dumb to do it and...I 'll shut up now :D

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[i kinda want one too i think..]

have some red bull and then send the e-mail:)

it helps!

i'm quitting therapy because i don't like it and it's not helping me and i think it's a waste of time. i have an appointment in the morning so i'll tell her then.

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oh, I don't know then, all I know is I'm having an internal freak out that's causing me to feel crazy.

blossom, why don't you give it another try than? You are brave, and maybe this lady can help you, with time.

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well it was just last week she made me really angry.

but she makes me feel very frustrated because the only time she talks is to say something like "that must hurt" and she'll keep repeating it til i agree that it hurts.

it's just a waste of time.

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I don't know, I'm kinda clueless on what's supposed to happen in therapy (I'm not a good patient), maybe that is normal? I have no idea. I'm sorry, I wish I could say soemthing of meaning, but I just don't know. I do know that my dr often makes me very angry, so maybe it is normal? I don't know if it's a waste of time or not. I just keep hoping that it's all worth something in the end.

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