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my garden looks like a christmas cake with lots of icing!!!!!!!!!!!


Blossom

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there is SNOOOOOOOOOW everywhere!!!!!

i wish i could go out and plaaaay.........

hmmm.

i had really really scary dreams last night..

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Well, I'm sure it is, sweety.

I used to get nightmares, too.

Just, I was really bad at staying awake, so I just went back to sleep, most of the time. I've had the same nightmare more than once, but never on the same night.

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Well, you do have your share of stress and fear in your life.

That stuff tends to come out in dreams.

Do you eat anything near bedtime? I've heard some people connect that with having nightmares.

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The antibiotics kill off good germs that live in your intestines and help you digest food. Yogurt (with active cultures, at least) helps restore the good guys.

Remember what we talked about last time. You get to ask your doctor for whatever you need. She works for you.

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i'm kinda just sad. it's the first time i've felt sad in a whole week. that must mean that i'm not sick anymore..

there's no real reason why i'm feeling sad, just a mix of everything i think. a little part of me is homesick. i'd like to be at home with my family because i miss them. another part of me is lonely because noone in college wants to be my friend. today was the first full day of college i've done since before the christmas holiday and i spent most of it on my own. i ended up sitting at a desk at the very back of the room on my own because all the other desks were taken. when i try talk to people i get thrown dirthy looks. noone has any interest in anything i say so why bother talk?

then another part of me is kinda reallly stressed. assessments are next week and i have so much work to do. there's no way i'll get it all finished. then on top of that i'm doing graphics this week and the tutor has given us so much work to do for tomorrow. i couldn't be bothered doing it. i don't really want to be a graphic designer. then.......... another part of me is really really scared because i'm not happy and don't think i ever will be happy. that one worries me the most. i don't know what i'm living for. life doesn't excite me and i have no interest in living it anymore. i don't think i can make it more exciting or interesting. no matter where i go or what i do i'm sad. it follows me. and i don't want it to be like this forever. there's only so many times i can whine about this.. even i'm getting tired of hearing myself.

i don't want to live anymore and that's my choice. i'm sorry if i'm a bad friend and person.

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didn't go to college. couldn't stand another day like yesterday. i still feel sad here aswel. and hopeless. because there is no hope left. no matter how many times people tell me there is hope for me, i know that really there isn't. there's no hope for me. none atall. i'm going to feel like this forever and nothing will ever change. that's just how it is. well i don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life. i'd rather die. be dead. that is a plan.

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hmmmm. well i'm still sad. i dunno why but i am. it's late. i should be asleep but i'm not. don't want to go to college tomorrow. but i have to. just want to close my eyes and not wake up. ever. too much to do.

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well, it's 5:35 and i havn't been to bed yet. i just got my graphics finished. stupid yellow brick road.. it doesn't even look good. i just know i'll get a bad mark in it even though i spent ages doing it. but who cares. i am very tired. i have to get up for college in 2 hours. i don't want tomorrow to happen. i hate fridays because they're so hard and busy and non-stop. i need to have my graphics in college by 9:30 tomorrow morning then college finishes at 12:30. my bus is at 1. i somehow have to make it back to my house to pack up my weekend stuff and then be at the bus stop within half an hour. this just can't work:( i have so much art stuff i need to bring home to work on before monday but no way will i be able to carry it all on the bus. i wish i could stay up here for the weekend i'd get so much more work done. i'll get nothing done at home because i'm working all weekend then when i do have free time ykw will say something to make me feel bad. i am screwed. i hate my life. i don't want to go home:( too much to do.

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