i passed my assessments. i suppose that means i'm not kicked out of college..

I would cheer about that (heck, I will anyway)

but you don't seem that happy.

thanks marky:o

Congratulations blossomy!!! :)

I'm sorry things are so sucky right now

i can't do it anymore:(

What can't you do any more?

Maybe it's time for a change of scenery, and then you can try again later.

life. live. i cant because everything hurts too much all the time and i dunno what to do.

Sweety, we're designed for "life"; it shouldn't hurt us, all on its own. You need to be able to locate the part of your life that hurts and figure out how to change it.

Like a horse with a burr under its saddle, you might need help with either the finding or the changing, but there's no shame in that. If you just start bucking like a horse, or trying to chase away your help, or to hurt yourself just to make it feel a bit better, you'll only make it worse.

i'm not designed for life. there isn't just one part that hurts. everything hurts and i've tried changing things but nothing works and now i just can't do it anymore because noone wants me and i don't even want me because i hate me. i want everything to be over.

Your big toenail on your left foot hurts?

The hairs the curl around your right ear hurt?

The rim of your left nostril hurts?

You've tried "things", but I noticed that that's the one place you didn't use "everything".

Lots of your friends want you around.

the things i have tried havn't worked. and i know you'll tell me to try something different but i'm tired of trying. this is scary. i know ye want me around but i don't want me around so that makes it kinda hard. i dunno what to do.

Sweety, I often don't understand completely. I mean, I understand getting tired; everyone does. But, rest often takes care of tired feelings, without being all that frightening.

So what makes you scared? The idea that you might do something, so that you won't be around? {That's what kept me alive, by the way.} Or is it just the idea of having to continue feeling so much pain? Or something else?

Oh, and I do have to go back into the meeting I was in. I'll check back when I can, okay?

not tired as in sleepy. i mean tired emotionally. and i can't rest because hurt is everywhere and it gets deeper and deeper and i can't do anything to stop it. that scares me. and yeah i'm scared because i might do something like kill myself but what if it's not the right choice? and i know the "right " answer to that is that killing yourself is never the right thing to do but maybe sometimes it is. what's the point of spending the rest of my life feeling this way? i know things might get better but what if they don't? see i won't know the answer to that one unless i stay alive and wait to find out. but i can't keep feeling like this because it's too hard and my heart hurts really bad.i know lots of people are worst off than me but maybe this is as much as i can take. i know i'm weak. i don't care if people call me weak because at least i won't feel like this if i'm dead. i don't know what to do i feel like my heart is torn up.

i'm sorry lil big sis :(

Things are so painful for you right now, but you have to hold on, coz tomorrow might be easier, right ?

and if not tomorrow theres alweys the day after.

just keep trying at things, in hope they get better :(

we love you.

thanks sue. i'm sorry you're having a hard time too:(

thanks sue:o that is sweet.

today i went to my old art college and i did some art and it felt really good to be back but really horrible at the same time because everything is different now. my tutor was so nice to me and she helped me lots. i told her how much i hate college and she listened and then just before i had to go she wrote me a little note in my sketch book to read whenever i get sad in college and that made me nearly cry. then she gave me a hug and i had to go. and now i'm sad all over again. i knew this would happen. it's like i've left the place all over again and all the old feelings are back and really strong because i miss it there so much. i feel like there's a hole in my heart again. i miss all my old friends.

OH MY GOD OHMY GOD OH MY GOD I THINK MY ANGELS ARE WATCHING ME OH MY GOD I THINK I'M HYPERVENTILATING i am so lucky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN'T STOP BOUNCIN-N-N-N------NNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I guess?

Something good happened since your last report of a hole in your heart? ;-)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GUESS MARKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NEVER GUESS!!! ONE OF MY DREAMS HAS COME TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMETHING TO TICK OFF MY TO-DO-BEFORE-I-DIE-LIST!!

OH GOD..

You've learned to fly like a big brave doggggg?

You're like Eddy Murphy, "Coming to America"?

You have a to-do list for dying? :-)