LaLa

Hello and welcome, @warmside! I'm sorry that this forum has been so (relatively) silent the last few years and, thus, even we, the moderators, don't visit often enough to approve quickly new posts from new members... How can we help? What brings you here? Feel free to share what you feel like sharing. Take care!

BTW, have you seen...?

and many other-ones...

A short story: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-022-03424-x

Hi, Loom, How have you been doing? What's new? (I hope "no news is good news"...)

I've just heard there was a program about it on BBC! https://youtu.be/xZc4FY4rSoo?t=1404

Hi, Sundar, welcome! I'm sorry your wife caused the resurgence of this stupid, harmful obsession and suffering. I don't understand why she blames yous size; there are other ways you can satisfy her; it's just her fault she is mentally stuck on "doing it the one way" - the one when size can matter. It seems you have a very good relationship and can be honest with each other, so it could be helpful to discuss and try "other ways" with her. I don't get women who are so stupid that they blame their lack of satisfaction on male anatomy... Good luck and take care!

Hi, Yes, you can send me a private message; no problem. I am just not sure when I'll have time to reply, so don't worry if it takes time...

Hi, Gabi, welcome! I'm sorry I don't have enough time to write more, but I hope this will be helpful enough: - I'm sure this explanation also fits the kinds of thoughts you (and so many other people!!!) describe: https://youtu.be/QlG6ynbhQp0?t=112 - Here is one of the websites about this kind of OCD: https://psychcentral.com/ocd/am-i-a-monster-common-features-of-pedophilia-ocd If rationally realising that you are not a pedophile doesn't help, then seeking help for OCD would be a good idea. I wish you good luck and am looking forward to your reply.

Hi again, @CookieCrane, I wonder how you're doing. Has anything changed about the situation in your family? Are your parents more understanding and accepting of your problem, your difference? I also wonder if you can remember how it begun and what triggered it, if anything. Are there any other changes in your life, behaviour or feelings that occurred at the same time?

Hi, Loom, and welcome! I'm sorry for the late reply. This forum hasn't been very active in the recent years, so sometimes it can take days until anyone reads the new posts... I understand how close you are to your husband and how important he is in your life, now even more than ever as your family is alone in a foreign country. It is natural that you're so scared. There is just one thing I would call slightly surprising: That you don't want to talk about the fear with him. I don't know, maybe it's somehow helpful to some people to talk just optimistically and hide all fears, but... Do you think it's really your case? You mentioned he's probably as scared as you are, he perhaps seeks some reassurance from you, but... it might be worse for him to have to hide his fears, thinking that expressing them would hurt you, ... I imagine that expressing them to you would alleviate his stress about the surgery. Perhaps he even thinks you're naive and cannot see any risks, so he doesn't want to talk about anything negative to protect you, even though he would need to talk about it. Perhaps he thinks that you would consider him being less "manly" if he expressed his fears, so he has to pretend. Wouldn't it be better to be open and honest? You don't need to tell him everything about you crying so often and feeling so terribly without him by your side, but you can tell him you'll miss him a lot when he'll be in the hospital. At the same time, I also hope you'll find a way to feel less "lost" and will find some strength to cope even when being alone with the baby, waiting for him. The baby is also his child, so perhaps focusing more on them, their presence, could be a way to "stay connected". I know they cannot "give you what he does". I understand that you need "his presence", not just "the notion of him in your life", but... this is a hardship that could also be an opportunity to evolve, to grow, to become stronger. How you feel can be also influenced by the attitude, the narrative you choose. Now, your attitude and narrative are "I'm helpless without him, it will be too hard, he's the only one who can make me feel better, and I have to hide all this, as well as my fears, from everybody". But you are not helpless, you'll be able to cope (it's just harder if you tell yourself you won't), you can find ways how to feel better that don't rely on his presence (you just haven't got a motivation to try enough, so far - but this could be it), and you don't have to appear as strong and blindly optimistic, you can and may talk about your fears. You can make a plan - alone or together with your husband - for the time he'll be in the hospital. What could you change in your daily "routine"? What can you do during the hours when your baby will sleep? If you have plans ("a list of possible activities"), it could make you feel better, but it could make also your husband feel better, knowing that you'll know what to do, how to cope, how to prevent excessive suffering from his absence. What do you think? I wish you both the best of luck!!! Mainly with the surgery and recovery from it - that's the most important part - but also with the mental preparation for it and with your coping during your husband's absence.

Another kind of influence of the microbiome on mental health: https://neurosciencenews.com/bacteria-saliva-suicide-21303/

You're welcome, but sorry for not being actually helpful... I'm glad to know you're in therapy. I hope it will really help, although each therapy needs time... Sorry to hear your therapist is not available right now. I don't know what usually happens when therapists are on maternity leaves! I imagined someone would "sit in" for them, but... it probable wouldn't work in case of psychotherapy as the relationship itself and "the history" are so important... When should she be back? Take care!

Hi, BryanM, welcome! I'm so sorry and disgusted people react to both "extremes of the bell curve" like total idiots... The only idea that comes to mind is "loose clothes", but it was surely your first idea, too, and it cannot always help... Unfortunately, despite this is theoretically a "non-issue" (it's not a disease, not a deformation, ...), I would probably look for advise from and for people who are physically handicapped and have to cope with others weirdly looking at them. Although in their case, at least the "accusatory element" isn't present, so it might not help much. I wonder what advise men suffering from SPS would have for you... I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say, at least today (I'm tired and don't have much time).