Lodz

Gay orgies. I was the submissive suckboy for hung tops, basically. Sorry to be graphic.

Your mindset is affecting you 10 times more than your dick size or your height. Women like tall men and they like big dicks, but insecurity will send them running regardless. I am 5'6 and have a not quite 4" dick. When i was single, i feared that i couldn't get women to like me because of those facts about me. But i faced the fear and put myself out there and i was very wrong. Yeah, there are women who won't look at me twice because of my height, and yeah there are women who i never heard from again after disclosing my dick size, but guess what. There were women who thought i was sexy and loved how i was in bed. Women who fell in love with me and vice versa. Women whose hearts i broke because i felt too insecure to put myself fully into a relationship for fear of always being too small. That fear never went away, but i am married with kids now, because i faced the fear and had some faith that i am worthy.

File under: things I cannot change What good does it do any of us to dwell on this?

@Nic77 as a bi guy who is older than you and has also dealt with size issues, I can tell you that there are plenty of men out there who prefer a partner with a small dick. There are plenty of options, particularly if you fancy yourself a bottom. Some men like small dicks because they want to feel superior. Others because they just like how smaller one's feel, and can fit the whole thing in their mouth, hands, etc. It's definitely true that most gay men prefer bigger, but don't let that statistic alone drive you into a pit of despair. You can have a happy and fulfilling life, and sex life, as a poorly endowed gay man.

I'm curious what counts as small in africa. I've seen enough penises to know that every race has small ones and big ones, but that there is some truth to the racial stereotypes about size. I once had a chance to visit burkina faso with a friend who's from there. He said girls there would love me (guess cuz i'm foreign and i'm cute enough), but i was scared how they'd react to my size. The trip never happened for unrelated reasons. Where in Africa are you from @bless?

I'm 5'6 with a small dick so 5'6 with a big dick sounds fucking great. Next question.

Full body or extra small?

That completely makes sense. Perhaps one day i'll have the courage to share my traumatic sps events here.

@therebetruth right. It's a catch 22.

I thinkbyou overestimate how much people look at bulges and how they interpret them. I am a quasi-bisexual man who is obsessed with big dicks and dick size in gwneral, and i do not go around checking out bulges. I guess i assume any bulge i do see is not necessarily indicative of how much a guy is packing. And i don't interpret no bulge to mean anything other than, he's not hard right now. Lol. Meanwhile, i've been able to get away with having an erection in sweatpants and nobody noticed. Not to dismiss your issue. We all have our neuroses and yours is totally valid.

^ that's me too. The disappearing penis.

Wel those morning shows are the dumbest of the dumb, of course, but yeah. Small penis shaming is so mainstream, it's not even recognized as abusive. Crude and in poor taste, but not abusive. I did feel comfortable talking about my size with my ex, and even poking fun at myself about it, which was really liberating at times. The fact that she acknowledged my size and my issues around it, and accepted me, was very healing and nurturing. Most women, including my wife, have seemed to be in denial about my size and avoided the topic at all costs. Minimizing it ("you're not that small", "i've seen smaller") to outright lying ("i think you're average", "size isn't important", "you're the perfect size for me"), to the most annoying thing ever, changing the topic to try to soothe me ("but you're so cute and sweet and smart, you've got so much more going for you than just having a big dick.") Maybe when i was in my teens, that stuff made me feel a little better, but i'm grown and i know what's what, and i want people to be real with me, and be able to be real with other people. Not just about dick size. But if i can't find the courage to be open with the world about my size, i wish i could at least have an open compassionate partner to be vulnerable and honest with.

I think one of the most toxic things, for me, about SPS, is feeling like I have to hide the fact that I'm small, and even lie about it. This was more of an issue when I was younger and size was more of a topic in social circles. But it still comes up, and I still act as if I'm not one of the poor unfortunates everyone seems to enjoy laughing at. It's just a matter of course at this point. You don't offer any info, and you lie if asked directly. I guess I don't have anything particularly constructive to say. But part of me wishes it was socially acceptable to admit to being small. There would be more ability for us to deal with the issues we have around it, and be seen as human beings and not jokes.

I think it's normal to feel some lust for others, including exes, even when you're in a satisfying relationship. Monogamy is a social construct and not all the way in line with human nature. If you need a partner who never has fantasies about anyone else, you're destined for loneliness and disappointment. But if those fantasies become uncontrollable, then that's going to lead to frustration and maybe cheating. I've been on both sides of that fence and it wasn't the end of the world, but there can be a lot of pain there.

I think there are two types of good sex, generally speaking. One type is an intense gratification of lust, and the other is about the intimate romantic connection. I think @MrsA is saying she has the second type of good sex with her husband, but that she misses the first type, which she had with former lovers. I think some people need both, but many only need the intimate kind, particularly if they haven't been exposed to the intense "naughty" kind before pairing off for eternity. MrsA might be struggling to determine which she is.