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Dazed

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About Dazed

  • Birthday 05/11/1985

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  • Biography
    My name is Josh. I'm 23 years old. I would like to share what I can to this community. ^^

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  • Location
    Manila, Philippines
  • Interests
    Your story.
  • Occupation
    Registered Nurse (Philippines, US-Illinois)

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  1. Wow, thanks guys. You're right. I'll try that relaxation technique while imagining the skill.
  2. Hello guys, I need help on some matters. When it comes to developing a new skill, I have problems. You see, having the 'knowledge' on a specific skill is no trouble for me but when it comes to demonstrating or performing the skill, that is when things begin to be really bad. I've had my driver's license for five years now but it's only recently that I've begun to use it. It took me 5 years to develop the confidence in driving. Right now, being a nurse, I went through an intravenous therapy skill workshop that will provide me with the credentials to practice intravenous therapy which is a basic prerequisite to work as a nurse. Thing is, when it comes to performing the skill, I screwed up! From the start, I got a mental block and got intimidated with the manner that the nurse preceptor was observing me. I thought like "damn! she doesn't like me! I'm screwed! I'm never going to get this right!" and yes dear folks, I missed the vein causing quite a pain to my partner who thankfully didn't get mad at me. I passed the workshop but only with an average mark which for me is not good enough. In the class of 30, only 5 of us didn't hit the vein which I find to be very humiliating. And my problem is, this happened 2 weeks ago and I can't get it out of my head. I'll be having the completion (that's when you must comply with a number of actual insertions to patients) in a few days and I'm dead worried that I might miss again. Am I setting standards that are too high even for myself? I mean in actual practice, if I miss, I might get a reprimand and a chance to lose my license to practice. I read a book that told me that people sometimes base or invest much their self-worth on their performance and I'm afraid I'm one of these people. Can you guys help me get my thoughts of this mindset? Thanks.
  3. Thanks for sharing your story miss. Anyway, changing perspectives can do a mountain of change. I'm not saying that it's easy especially if you find it easier to just feel sad rather than do something about yourself. You can't change the situation that your ex is somewhat not that happy with you around but you can always change your perspective that you are dependent on him and his approval to I'm NOT dependent on him. Sure, media is very good in brain washing but that's when we look at non-factual contents such as a super sexy (in reality, super skinny and super fake) woman being a beach model. But there are always factual or reality-based contents as well such as health campaigns launched by your local health ministry or by the government. Concepts such as love, mercy, compassion, and the like are realities as well as success stories. Those are meant to inspire us. Face the fact miss, people aren't meant to be alone however, it doesn't mean that people should endure sharing his or her life to someone who causes nothing but pain. A person can be without a partner but not be alone since he or she is dedicated to a community or an organization. He or she can be dedicated to family. Whatever excuse you can come up with, its never enough for you to say "I'm alone" because there will always be people who are willing to accept you if you open yourself to them. Sure it may not be a boyfriend but it's a human being. My advice to you is, go visit your church and start joining activities with other people. Choir, church hospital, church day care, lectors, etc. as long as it involves you and other people. Before you know it, you'd forgotten about your ex and you'll realize that you're not as ugly and worthless as you think and definitely not as your ex tells you. God Bless,
  4. I'm not sure, your daughter is still considered a minor if I'm correct. Thus, you as a parent can file a complaint. You might want to consult a lawyer regarding your case. If you know of any other parents whose children has been taken advantage of this man, you might want to file a law suit based on the statements of their children (proving that they no longer intend to defend the said pedophile).
  5. Hello tourdelove, thanks for sharing your story. I would say, go join a community. It may sound prepossessed but yes, I do mean a Christian community. I don't intend to step on any other religion but in my personal experience, christian communities foster an atmosphere of friendliness and trust. You might find the motivation you need in there, or better yet, find your purpose in life and you won't be relying on other people to motivate you much from there since you'll have that inner fire within you to go forward in life. If anything, let me just add, start with God.
  6. Hello Kitsune, I'm glad that you've found your "one" and that you've mustered the strength to admit that you need to return to therapy. In my opinion, selecting a therapist is of paramount importance. You should trust your therapist and avoid changing 'sporadically' unless you feel that you're not improving or it is necessary. Like what you mentioned in your post, trust is very important and it is an effort from the therapist to break your wall in a therapeutic relationship and this is not something that people who are not going through therapy may not understand. It is essential in every therapeutic session that the therapist will know what he is dealing with. So my advice is, you'll have to tell him everything even if its a mountain of things that he'll have to deal with. Do not be afraid of what the therapist may think of you, have faith in him and if possible, stick with only one therapist. I am not sure, but it may be best to keep a journal of your sessions so that in case you'll have to change again (and I hope that won't happen too often), you can tell your new therapist or show him your therapy log so that he'll have an idea on how to deal with your case. In your new session, try to sound neutral and describe what you're feeling in detail, avoid medical terms or jargons as much as possible to give your therapist a clear picture of what you're going through. What you have experienced back then may be different from what you're going through now. I hope this helps. Best regards,
  7. Hello friend, I didn't go through therapy so I have no say in that matter but let me share with you my own experience in terms of parental issues. I'm one of those people born with a different kind of a mother. My dad left for the Middle East (typical of 3rd world country fathers) to work. My siblings and I were raised by my mom. To tell you honestly, there wasn't a day in my teenage years that I was either dead or wished that I belonged to a different family. My mother, she was loud, and very unsupportive. She'd rather tell us of her own success stories than encourage us to forge our own success experiences. Every time I engage in something new, she'd emphasize on my weaknesses such as: "You have asthma, you can never be a scout", "You? play basketball? You're fat! And you're too short, they'll never pick you! You'll just end up being the water or towel boy.", "I wasted money for your swimming class and you had the worst performance, why should I send you to a summer camp?" And the list goes on. And when she was on her reminiscence mood, she would gloat about how talented she was, how she was always the leader, etc. This went on and sometimes, is still happening. I HATED her. High school was hell for me but when I entered college I made a decision that things would change. I went to nursing school and then she told me of stories of how she shouted and scolded nurses for not getting things right the first time as if that would encourage me. There came a point that she crossed the threshold, I couldn't handle it anymore. We had physical fights and I remember the cops being called when I slapped her in the face because she wouldn't her verbal barrage of insults against me. My aunts intervened of course and sent the cops away. I ABHORRED her but I knew I also needed her for financial support. One day, my father went home for a vacation and throughout his stay, they were always fighting. I have no issues with my dad and seeing as how my mom was blowing my time with my dad, I sided with him. My mom hated me and my sister for what we did. My sister held more hatred for her than I did. One afternoon, after coming from school, I thought no one was home. To my surprise, I saw my mom in the master's bedroom and she was crying. She told me "You love your dad more than me? After all I did for you? After I had to pawn my jewelries just to send you to school? After I had to borrow money from my sisters when your father failed to send money? After how much effort I made sure that you will have a nice and clean home to come home to every night? After I made sure that you have a warm meal every meal time? I did all of those for you but you can't see it? And I'm the bad person here?" She just asked me to leave. I felt a deep and profound sadness in my heart despite my hatred for her but I ignored it. The following day, we had a debate in class, it was mothers vs children (yup, I had old classmates in nursing). Of course, I was part of the "I hate my mom group" and the moms braced themselves for attacks coming from teenage and young adults who didn't like their parents. They made arguments and one of them pierced me "Every mom desires the best for her children but not all moms know how to show it to their children". Eventually, the family problem patched-up. And my mom was back to gloating and killing our egos. That's until we took on Psychiatric Nursing. I began to understand how I was feeling against my mother and I began understanding her as well. I did my own research about her childhood and my grandma's childhood and I found out that the parenting style of my grandma was harsh. My mom grew up in a very competitive atmosphere, she had to get scholarships to finish college, and in her house, crying was a sign of weakness. Instead of getting encouragements from her mom, her mom taunted her because she was crying. I don't understand why but that's the only parenting style she was familiar with. And I wasn't about to swallow it up and pass it on to my future children. I had to put a stop to it, and I placed it upon me since I was the one who understood the situation. One day, when my mom was at it again, gloating about her "wonderful" achievements, I mustered the strength to confront her. I started calmly but all of a sudden, she became so guarded and started to point out my flaws and that it was only me who views her like that. Eventually, I had to reiterate and explain why my dad, my elder brother, and my elder sister acted that way towards her... with resentment and anger. When she couldn't take it anymore, almost shouting, she suddenly started crying... a lot. I cried too and I told her what my classmates told me "your mom may not be the best mom, but she is the only one you have. Instead of looking for a perfect mom, you should perfect your relationship with her". My mom you see, has little or no ability at all to empathize or feel remorse towards other people when she hurts them. She apologized to me and explained that all the while, she was telling us the worst scenario in the hopes that it will make us more careful and do our best to become the best. She never intended to scare us or to kill our dreams. She cried again. We went far from there. I don't hate her anymore and in fact, I am very happy and proud of my mom, I dare not ask for another mom [anymore] because I know that God has a purpose for her being mine. I love her and now that I understand her, I don't feel hatred for her anymore. I explained this to my sister and although she hasn't let go of the mistakes of my mom, she's slowly embracing what happened and is developing a better relationship with her now. My mom still gloats and still bashes our dreams sometimes (it has decreased a lot) but we just nod our heads whenever she does that and we can now effectively, and in a healthy way, set limits whenever she crosses the line. I hope this helps and shed some light. Best regards,
  8. Hello Butterfly, I understand what you're going through and I've struggled with self-image for a very long time. TV models, as desirable as they may look is not a very good; no let me rephrase is NOT a realistic reflection of reality. Commercial ads trick us by saying: "this is how you should look like" or "if you don't look like this, you're not human" or "either one of us, or you're a loser" and our tendency is to hope desperately for their miracle products and if it fails, kill our self-esteem. Oh and as for your Hub having an affair, well, marriage is about trust and you must believe the best in people. I think, media again, instilled this on people by showing helpless people being taken advantage on. But tell you what butterfly, you are only helpless as much as you allow yourself to be. If you feel you're fat, do exercises and eat healthy [a lifestyle change, not temporary] and you'll be surprised, you'll be dropping a pound or two. Take some time to read this poem, it helped me during my own struggles: http://www.donnarosestewart.com/other/kelfer.html Believe me butterfly, there are people who love and care for you and sometimes, you may think that they are your enemies because you might think that they don't understand you. God Bless,
  9. Abilify is a psychotropic medication used to decrease schizophrenic symptoms. It has dangerous adverse effects and personally, I'd rather that you consult with your physician first. It's just one drug that may do the job but it's not always better. "your depression medication just ins't enough" << yeah and there's a chance that this drug won't do the trick either.
  10. Hello community, I was born a Catholic and have found my purpose in life while belonging in this religion. I'm not a person who usually explains religion and divinity as that is not my major (and I'm not fond of it) but for me, having a religion binds me to a certain conduct... or belief, whatever you brand it-- which preserves my identity, my purpose, and how I am to view my problems, as well as how I will react to certain situations. In short, it greatly aids me in keeping myself intact. This also provides me with an enormous support group comprised of communities which share the same practices and beliefs which are really helpful when I encounter a problem that is difficult to deal with. For me, I have gained priceless wisdom through religion which then allows me to grow as a person in all aspects of my life. You may label it as phone companies if you like but there is something more which I cannot put into words which makes religion a lot more than a phone company to me. It's nice to hold on into a promise and more than anyone else, I think Proverbs31:28 knows exactly what I mean.
  11. Hi Paula, I know that this is quite a late reply and you may already know what I'm about to tell you but here's my bet on the issue: There is no one 'sure shot' cause of mental illness and let's just take depression for an example. I remember the report I submitted to my professor back in college and I referred to mayoclinic for answers (Psych resources are not so abundant in my country). Here are some of the major 'risk factors' that were listed: - Having other biological relatives with depression - Having family members who have taken their own life - Stressful life events, such as the death of a loved one - Having a depressed mood as a youngster - Illness, such as cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer's or HIV/AIDS - Long-term use of certain medications, such as some drugs used to control high blood pressure, sleeping pills or, occasionally, birth control pills - Certain personality traits, such as having low self-esteem and being overly dependent, self-critical or pessimistic - Alcohol, nicotine and drug abuse - Having recently given birth - Being in a lower socioeconomic group The prognosis of mental disorders also largely depend on the support group available to the client (alcoholics anonymous, weight watchers association) as well as his cultural acceptance of the problem. In the United States, I heard that prognosis is good because the people understands the condition and accepts the patient as well as a number of support groups available... there are some employers who willingly give patients under rehabilitation a chance to be productive and live normal lives. Having a sense of accomplishment (job) addresses or aids on self-esteem issues which is largely associated with depression. I came from a family with a history of attempted and successful suicide and that places me in the high risk group (from father's side) but my mom's side are made up of extroverts who can take a serious blow from life and be unaffected. I'm not saying that I'm balanced and in fact, I had serious suicidal ideations myself but no attempts and my mom provided for a very good support person when she discovered how 'down' I was. Paula please do not be offended if I will share my sister's story. She was living a perfectly healthy childhood until she was infected with Meningitis that progressed to Encephalitis. She recovered but she suffers from bouts of Seizure disorder as a permanent complication of the disease and this is not well accepted in my country. For some, it is a curse because of a sin from the parents while others believe that supernatural forces are at play. They would gather up and watch her as she has an attack and talk about it as if its some phenomenon or the devil possessing her (seriously). She was shunned by most people and she had very few friends and she was really depressed but we as her family had to understand what she was going through. We accepted her, and respected her limitations instead of denying it; and despite the odds, she was able to survive college and now holds a position in a real estate company. It was difficult for her to find a company to work for because the HR officers say she could not be taken in because of her condition but somehow, our prayers were answered. She still has SD bouts but she's no longer ashamed of it and the people from her company had accepted her and now knows how what to do when she has attacks. I hope I was able to shed some light on your question Pau. God bless! PS: Those who have mental illness, they were the ones who had the guts to admit that there is something wrong and they can no longer handle it while for some (not all the rest), they'd rather live (or forced to live) in denial of the problem.
  12. Hello lilsunny, Thank you for sharing your story with us. It must have taken a lot of courage to open up and I think you did well in doing so. Like what your therapist said, the 'wall' was your protection for so long and maybe, it is the only thing you knew. Perhaps you are scared of how life is outside that wall? Thats all right, everyone has his or her own worries and the good thing is, you have already taken steps outside of that wall. Life is full of surpirses and many of those are pleasant, keep an eye for those. The term 'normal' is faily different for each individual, a person here in the forums told me that and I agree with him. But for me, normal would mean being free from intrusive thoughts, at least enough not to bother you or scare you. Being able to make and maintain good relationships with other people, and being able to express yourself without hindrances and assert what you believe is right. I think what you're going through is shared by many individuals. I cannot say I that I know what you are going through, but I can assure you that I understand your circumstances. Life can be a struggle if you choose to look at it that way... it may be a struggle because you try to please everybody, it may be a struggle if you're financially down, it may be a struggle because you have not found meaning in life, but it depends on how you look at life. I would advise you to go out with some friends. I would not be surprised if you kept very few or none at all because of what you went through but now maybe a good time to join communities, make new friends, and see the what the world has to offer outside 'the wall'. Start small: clean your room, burn your old and full of hatred diaries, change your room decors. etc. You'll feel much better once you accomplish those small tasks. As for forgiveness, it comes along. You can't hold on to something forever... that includes anger and blame to the persons who offended you. Just think: If I hurt someone so badly, I'd want them to forgive me... so place yourself in the shoes of that someone who realized just how horrible they were to you. Some people will never find the courage to apologize, its up to us to have the strength to forgive. Do keep in touch with us and remember that life is worth fighting for. God bless!
  13. Hello Samytwo, Welcome to our community. Different countries have different pharmacological dispensation regulations. It may not be available in your pharmacy because there might be some restriction to it or that it goes by another name. Anxiety is managed in different ways and some anti-anxiety medications may produce dependence. Ask your physician of non-pharmacological ways to reduce your anxiety as well as ways of managing stage fright then maybe, the combination of meds and your own effort will yield the desired outcome. I strongly discourage you from self-medicating. This may potentially harm you. You may always seek a second opinion if you believe that your physician cannot effectively manage you but its worthwhile to give them a chance. Do not forget to inform your physician of your diagnosis from the United States as well as any prescriptions you have been given. God bless! - Josh
  14. Hi confused, this must be a tough experience for you. Since you're able to recreate the incident and relive the experience, then yes, it might have been a flashback. As far as I can remember, the process is called 'systematic desensitization' and for some, may even require pharmacological therapy (anxiolytics) as they are slowly exposed to the trigger, so a professional psych shoul be consulted. How are you feeling right now? Are you still feeling anxious?
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