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nathan

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nathan last won the day on October 9 2017

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About nathan

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  • Birthday 08/19/1989

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  1. Hello people. It has been awhile since I posted, and I feel I must vent here. It is better to post here, as opposed to an open discussion in real life, for doing so in real life would only put me in precarious,losing position. Because I am a man. I feel there are powers at be, whose sole purpose is to devise ways in which to divide us, to distract us from what is important, to push us out of their way, and ultimately take advantage of us. This gives them power, and money. I don't pretend to be unbiased in my views of feminism, or to know what it is like to walk this world as women.
  2. I think maybe the point of depression is---it's the minds way of telling you to stop doing what you are doing. The point of depression is to give up. Give it all up, becuase you cant handle what it is you are doing. It is bad for you, so just stop. Give up what you are doing if you are depressed. Realize your heplessness in the situation that is making you depressed, And give up trying. Just see what happens. Time to breath. Time to try something new.
  3. I gave her everything. My entire soul, she saw it all. I gave her a glimps into the future. I gave her my life. She left without knowing, she fell into another country, she was being forced, she saw so many things too fast., and forgot about me. She's too young to know what shes doing, just like myself only a few years ago. shes so talented a beautiful, everyone wants to be around her. I let her go for a minute, and a stranger stole her. She wants to come back but she doesnt know how to. She's too scared to believe in herself. She being held captive, and wont even realise it until its too lat
  4. nathan

    This sucks.

    It sucks working hard only to get laughed at and ignored.Getting dismissed by others who havn't even spent the time to make an attempt, but somehow believe they know better. They take the easy route and the high road at the same time. They get all the respect and attention. When no one understands how you think, willingly giving up your power, to provoke them secretly. It sucks when you realize that you are completely alone.That every step of the way, you will be belittled and misunderstood. That they will not care to help or listen, until you have taken the most lonely path to success. In a h
  5. nathan

    no joy

    been sleeping better lately. I m thinking a feeling a little better.
  6. To Nathan, I used to think like you...I still do sometimes. But the first thing I move onto thinking is that I WILL die, and I will never live again, so I might aswell live now, since Im inevitably dead, the only thing i can do to compromise the gloomy, ultimate reality of death, is to live, even if only for a short time. If we are never going to be here again, doesn't that make you at the very least want to follow this through to its end, even if you are depressed about it? Becuase youll never get the chance to do it again. after the might aswell do it approach, if i think about what reality
  7. nathan

    no joy

    Feel sick with depression everyday, the world is intolerable, there's no place for me in it. Ppl find out who I am and chew me up, full of anger and resentment. Nothing is enjoyable. Everything feels sick, no one is around.
  8. nathan

    no joy

    Feel sick with depression everyday, the world is intolerable, there's no place for me in it. Ppl find out who I am and chew me up, full of anger and resentment. Nothing is enjoyable. Everything feels sick, no one is around.
  9. Its just that...none of it feels right. My life doesnt make sense. how could things line up so poorly. Many occasions have passed where I watched--as if I was helpess to change anything-- as things went wrong, they didnt go as they were supposed to go, its as if I knew intuitively that deep down somewhere they should have been different. I could swear they were different somewhere else. Almost like I had already lived it the way it was supposed to be lived. But I'm always looking in at my life from the outside..as if it was a virtually reality, as if I am watching through a television, and I c
  10. I was invited to my brothers, who i Havn't seen for years. He's been successful in a number of ways, his friends which were there form a trio, they all went to university in arts and television, now the're working with big companies in hollywood, creating films, and, making music. I went to try an see what it was all about, they were having a family party, brothers, sisters, parents, music, a plethora of food, beautiful girls, it was nice. I envied all of them. their families are happy, and swelled up in their kids success. And you can see that they are successful, full of life, joking around,
  11. nathan

    no joy

    Im trying to relax, my head last night was full of panic, was awake for the last ttwo nights in a row I drank hard, totally sloshed all night, and during the day I continued, for two days, but last night I stopped, i slept for 7 hours for this first time in awhile. Feeling better now I suppose i wont become a hermit, they're not going to like it, but Im leaving my job for good. And I have some things to finish here, then I will leave on to something new, somewhere else.. I suppose I will start all over.
  12. nathan

    no joy

    another sleepless night I will try to get sleeping pills from my doc My gf of almost 2 years is breaking up with me, she wants more 'experience' with other guys. Fuck my life, great fucking timing. this is really to play havoc on whatever sleep I was getting. Like I want to imagine her sleeping with other men... the thought is so intrusive I wont say anymore about it truely I am too tired and hating the world to do anything about it anyway I will soon be quiting my job Simply tell them I am done And I will finish up with my business in this city and go somewhere to be alone for a long time
  13. nathan

    no joy

    I'm trying meditation. I'm hopeless, I cannot sleep , wish I could pick up and leave my entire life, that would pribably allow me to sleep again. But I am stuck in this life for now.
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