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  1. I have found that meditation helps me personally, but I am on medication for my ADHD. It's worth finding out which medication works best as it just depends on what you do, if you work out go to school etc. I'm on Elavanse at the moment and they work well. What are your issues exactly, symptoms etc, because that can range from severe to mild. What do you find difficult?
  2. Don't go and see anyone, don't tell your dad, just let it go. You're not a pedo, you just made a mistake brought on in part by the passing of your mother which skewed your moral compass slightly. And those stupid erotic stories opened a door temporarily you can now close for good. You're not evil, you're not bad, you were just wrong. As someone who was abused as a kid, I can tell you now, it isn't you. You understand what you did was harmful and you want to change your pattern of thought and behaviour, and that's what you can now do. Don't waste your life dwelling on this momentary lapse of judgement. Go live your life, get good grades or a good job and go enjoy what little childhood you have left. The more you dwell on these things the worse you'll become and the more you'll identify with the mind that made the decision. I took a long time to forgive people for what I couldn't stop, but I did it for myself. Forgive yourself for this and go enjoy your life the way your mother would have wished you to when she was alive.
  3. It's hard when you're trying to adjust to a new set of surroundings and you sound like you're not a 'try hard' as smoking is only 'cool' when you're young, after that it's a real pain to kick the habit, you're better off being a non smoker despite what your roommate says. It seems like you're just struggling to find a mind set to deal with these anxieties. I suggest pretty much any book by Wayne Dyer, he was an amazing man and his books are great at giving you the capacity to deal with the bullshit that this world throws at us. As much as it feels like you're the first person dealing with this bs, you're not, and there are people out there who can help you. Sometimes finding a support group outside of uni can be helpful, maybe Google some local groups of things you're interested in? I hope you find what you're looking for, and please don't feel like self harm is an option to make people understand what you're going through, there are options out there. Good luck
  4. I like a lot of recent stuff too, but certain years were better for certain genres imo. For me the late 60's & 70's was a good time for rock, the 80's we're good for pop and the 90's we're good for metal. Obviously there are lots of crossovers, but like Irma said, parents and older siblings play a big part in what we enjoy. I grew up with family listing to The Jam and David Bowie and now my kids have grown up in it. I guess we likes what we likes. I also subscribe to the idea of stuff growing on you. Music I would normally have scoffed at being a bit of a snob will grow on me if people around me listen to it enough ie radio playing the same song over and over and over lol.
  5. I really enjoyed this post, you really paint a picture and I couldn't stop reading it. It felt more like a chapter of a book rather than a post. Now go live chapter two and write it out, and make it exciting. I'm expecting a big turn around and a happy ending, don't let me down. 😋
  6. I listen to metal pretty much exclusively, but my music tastes can be somewhat eclectic. I go through phrases depending on where I'm at mentally. Sometimes I'll listen to metal/hardcore punk for months at a time, but every now and again it's nice to kick back with a glass of red listening to the dulcet tones of Billy Ocean.
  7. Anything by Wayne Dyer. His books are wonderful and so helpful. His book walking through all the steps of the Tao is something you can read and reread.
  8. Most paedophiles are cruel and calculated, you're having remorse for something you haven't even done yet. Do rape thoughts make you a rapist? Do murderous thoughts make you a murderer? Do torturous thoughts making you a torturer? Because if they do, then I'm all three. Your OCD is clouding your judgement and your right mind. You know that these feelings are initially met with excitement and intrigue but very quickly turn to disgust and disappointment. So just link the first two emotions with the latter two. Guilt has to start with pleasure or a drive or you wouldn't think these things to begin with. Whenever you feel aroused or intrigued about something that will later disgust you, go jack off and get it out of your system. The mind immediately after ejaculation...that's your right mind. If you're religious, then join with Jesus, Buddha, Allah or whoever and ask for clarity on the situation, ask for reinterpretation. If you're an atheist then ask the part of your brain that is against these thoughts to take over and be in charge. Give yourself a mantra in your head. "I don't really believe this, give me back my peace". Make your own up and just lean on it. Your therapist should have given you coping mechanisms, if they haven't then ask for some. I hope you feel better,my friend. My thoughts are with you and I'll pray for you to get through to the other side of the storm.
  9. The sad truth is that she's not your little girl anymore, she's turning into a woman and you're on a dry spell that Buddhist monks would be proud of. It's hard watching them grow up and stop being dependent on us, but it's a unique opportunity to form an amazing bond with her for the future, let's be honest, they'll be picking our care homes ha. And you're right, if you're a sexual guy that's cut down from 4 to 1, that's backed up natural urges. But tbh that's pretty standard for guys, about 4 times when we're alone and once if we have a family, if we're lucky. But as for her picking up on vibes, they don't. I recently told my gf something that happened to me as a kid that I thought was so obvious to everyone, but she didn't have a fucking clue. You're not gonna act on it so it's just guilt for thinking it which is pretty standard for all humans. We all have inappropriate thoughts, but that's all they are, thoughts. If I was you I'd do some dating. Not having relationships makes us go a bit peculiar. My fantasies are a hell of a lot darker when I'm single compared to when I'm getting regular sex. Get back on the scene, even if it's just as friends at first. And be kind to yourself. You sound like a nice guy, no point over thinking it all. And maybe make a bit more time for yourself to masturbate, we need that like they need to shop for new shoes lol.
  10. Maybe you don't find it funny. Do you laugh when you're by yourself at things? Does anything amuse you? I only seem to have a good real laugh about once a year, the rest are kind of fakish.
  11. Hi, Mr Hopeful. What is your experience (if any) with Viagra/Cialis? I found both to be helpful in this situation and took one or the other for a few months while I worked on what was making me turn soft mid fuck. Turned out it was pressure to perform for me. Sex is supposed to be spontaneous and animalistic, not awkward and full of worry. It was also a power thing for me. I'm not passive sexually, so I had to take the dominant role. She once spent our money on clothes instead of bills and I was furious with her, that night we had the best sex ever. As for coming too soon, I found wearing condoms helped, it took some sensation away but coupled with the enhancers it worked out well. If you have tried Viagra and it's still an issue, then maybe some form of counselling might help? Hope you figure it out.
  12. @Victimorthecrime I don't really like The Spice Girls. Although there's much worse in the charts now lol.
  13. I have crazy dreams. They're sometimes terrifying, sometimes amazing, sometimes truly bizarre. But they're never boring. The last dream of note that I had was quite possibly the most fucked up dream I've ever had. It was so fucked up that I had to dumb it down to everyone I told for fear of sounding like a fucking lunatic. So, here goes. I'm jumping from perspective to perspective of everyone in the dream and...I'm raping myself. I'm a man raping a woman, but I'm the man for a while and feeling every emotion that goes along with it, the power, the exhilaration, the pleasure, the guilt. Then I'm the woman. The pain, the fear, the feeling of being completely powerless and at the will of someone else. I'm angry, I'm crying, I'm trying to figure out an escape plan. Then I'm a judge. I'm judging myself for the crime and I'm pissed. But I'm not pissed at the act, I'm pissed because the job has worn me down, all I do is judge people for things I haven't witnessed. I'm guessing at who's guilty. When I woke up, I felt guilty. Why the fuck am I feeling guilty? I was the one being raped. But I was raping someone too. I felt for the woman in my dream, but she was me. It was as if I was condemning myself for something I know didn't happen. Nothing happened. I didn't judge myself for caving in an old woman's head in a dream I had once, I laughed it off. Why was this different? Eventually I just laughed it off again as dream insanity. I'm not a rapist, I don't fantasise about that type of stuff, if anything my sexual tastes are pretty tame/lame and ordinary. They're not nun tame, but they're not adventurous by today's standards. Eventually I asked myself that if what happened was in a dream world, and every dream figure was me, where did the guilt come from? It manifested from nowhere, and I only focused on the guilt. Maybe that's a reflection of real life. The guilt I feel about my life is really about nothing. Does the lion feel guilty for eating the gazelle? Does it fuck. Guilt is a curse that needs to be dropped as a belief. If I was in a foreign far flung country with rules that differ greatly from my own, would I feel guilty about eating another human? Probably not. If I was a Viking that turned up to some seaside village and killed everyone and took the weak as slaves, would I feel guilty? Nope, it'd just be another day as a Viking. Guilt. Such a bizarre concept and yet the ruling force in today's society. I'm either feeling guilty or judging people for their guilt...
  14. Hey, I realise that this was posted a while back, was just wondering how things are now? I had a similar experience with my gf and my depression/moods were being directed towards her. But I realised it was me that needed to change, and that wasn't easy, because I'd become accustomed to her taking the flack when I was hurting. Sometimes finding a sympathetic ear who can listen and not give you bad advice can be really nice. Also I found meditation unbelievably helpful. 5-10 even 15 minutes in the morning of gathering my thoughts and taking a big breath of relaxation really helped me to be in the best mood for the day. I hope you're doing ok now.
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