Jump to content
Mental Support Community


  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Everything posted by llbaker

  1. They assume in the algorithms that you are NOT "past" these blandishments, yet. They don't think you are as conscious as you are? More bluntly, they think you are fighting inferiority feelings still? Or is the ad aimed at guys like the tall guy? Aimed at confirming his self image?
  2. I ran into this quote in Wikipedia while studying Alfred Adler: "Adler believed that he had established a connection between homosexuality and an inferiority complex towards one's own gender. This point of view differed from Freud's theory that homosexuality is rooted in narcissism or Jung's view of expressions of contrasexuality vis-à-vis the archetypes of the Anima and Animus." The modern theory seems to posit inborn tendency defying cause and effect analysis. I was thinking, maybe all these theories are true for various subsets of gays. To the extent I've had some homosexual feelings, it is based on inferiority complex I think.
  3. Almost every woman I've been with except my 1st wife has suggested I might be gay. I was quite resentful of such questions. I'd ask what made you ask that? Do I look gay? I never got an answer and I didn't want to suggest any because I thought maybe I was gay just like they did but didn't want to pursue why at the time. Now, I can see they were referring to my non-aggressive personality, especially my lack of sexual aggression which they saw as the sine qua non of maleness. In women's mind if you aren't real aggressive sexually, you must be gay. They don't want to think they aren't attractive, esp. to real men. Prostitutes were very quick to ask if I was gay. Almost universally they would mention how gentle I was and mention how most guys were very disrespectful of prostitutes fucked really hard as if it was a compliment to me. Somehow I knew it wasn't a compliment, but I wanted to think it was. Some would hold my dick to see if I responded to gay fantasies or gay porn. I actually didn't respond to their probing, but could respond in private to gay porn if I made an effort. I didn't know if that proved I was gay or not. When I actually experimented with gay sex decades later to "decide the issue" I didn't get erect either, but must admit enjoyed in an odd way the dominant behavior of the gay guy. To put it bluntly, I literally enjoyed the "big dick energy" which I could actually feel. Maybe such energy is real as Reich claimed. I was glowing everywhere.
  4. Just had a new thought: I should have let her train me regarding sex instead of baling-out. I probably would have learned a lot within a few weeks that it took me decades to learn otherwise. I was far too principled for that at the time, however.
  5. I gathered she had problems landing a steady boy friend or marital prospect. She was very tall with no figure, small flappy breasts, thin shapeless legs, no butt, and a very plain face. I was an Adonis at the time, muscular, but on the delicate side, not thuggish looking. My erection must have been the same length as now, but I'm pretty sure it hadn't thickened much yet. Also, my body hair was sparse. I had no chest hair until a few years later. I think she enjoyed our go around, but was not satisfied at all, hence her desire to "try more things" next day. She was happy, hot and juicy, but showed no sign of orgasm. Of course, I didn't recognize that. I can still remember her big smile while I fruitlessly pounded away thinking she was orgasming. In retrospect it was pretty clear that finding-out I was a virgin wasn't a negative to her. She clearly was eager to assume a patronizing dominant role to train me and quite resentful when I wasn't interested though she continued pursuing me for quite some time. I think she saw me a very attractive and good "provider" prospect as I was about to graduate as a Professional and probably thought she could deal with my undersized dick. I felt really bad about taking advantage and leading her on, but, looking back probably didn't need to. According to reputation, she was very experienced sexually, allowing each and every date to have sex with her any way they wanted, sometimes for whole weekends at a time only to find herself immediately dumped afterwards, according to her gossipy, disparaging room mates and girl friends who could often hear her having sex in her bedroom. They hated that she brought so many stray men into the apartment, sometimes for days at a time. For decades I thought that's why her vagina seemed so large. Only over time did I realize all vaginas feel that way to me if the woman is at all responsive. Her friends ridiculed me for having sex with her when they heard about it as did guys I knew. Admittedly, in spite of all this, getting back to the point of this thread, I felt pretty great I was no longer a virgin. A big load of shame lifted from my mind.
  6. Wow. I never thought of the poetry angle. She may very well have thought that. She was very intelligent and an English major. She was into poetry!
  7. No kudos due. I just learned to "be there feeling like a freak with no validation as a male." Actually, I learned that in High School. At least in High School some of my skills were tip top. At the University level I had no redeeming value! In a few years liquor put me nearer the party game, but, even then, not really in it.
  8. I was good enough in a sport to be considered at the major University I attended though I had no scholarship. I practiced for a year on the "reserve/ freshman" squad but never made the team. Most of the guys who actually made the team became professionals. You might even recognize some of their names. Each and everyone of them looked well hung flaccid. Also, they all belonged to fraternities and I heard them talk in the locker room about the constant sex they were having. This was before "hook-up culture" so things were somewhat different. Women from what I could tell were still being categorized and nice girls and sluts. They would talk disparagingly, but braggingly about their sex with "sluts" who seemed to hang around the fraternities. They would pass the sluts around. I remember them talking about one as a "snapper" apparently meaning a very responsive, orgasming vagina. Maybe it was the times. They were fairly supportive of each other and only "jokingly" competitive. They didn't talk about their "nice" girl friends. I received no substantial razzing probably because my puberty had finally occurred, so other than my dick I was imposing and no one was looking for a fight. I was not in the fraternities nor an outstanding talent, so, really, I was not on their radar.
  9. The more I think about this, the more I think Adler was essentially anti-sexual (except for reproduction) like the Catholic Church. He may have thought any obsession by a man or woman about achieving orgasm in self or partner(s) as a non-productive or even harmful compensation for inferiority feelings in regard to being a "good, decent, caring, self-perfectiing person." So, the longing of men for the power to attract and induce orgasm in women (or gay partners?) by both men who can and men who can't IS THE PROBLEM, not the solution. In other words, "our problem" is not that we are handicapped sexually by a small penis, but that we are wannabe power lusters and exploiters. Can't say I'm accepting this outlook, but it does clarify some issues. On the other hand, many aspects of the sexual revolution (partially inspired by Reich, Freud & Jung) are disturbing. Instead of spreading alleged sexual satisfaction to all as originally imagined by advocates, isn't an even more competitive phallocracy among men being created and more severe "sexual looks derby" among women being created: hierarchies of sexual power that leave more and more people out, especially men.
  10. Yes, I agree with this. Any women who have disparaged my manhood did it very gradually as they came to realize I wasn't getting the job of their orgasm done, and certainly they did not target my penis for ridicule or even mention it. This may well be due to the fact, however, that I was never into picking girls up for a quicky or one night stand, but got into sex with a woman only after long association and mutual regard. Perhaps, it would have been better to get into sex early on by thoroughly getting over the fear of sexual rejection. A rejection of you is either a false dismissal (for unstated real reasons) or a true reason for rejection you already knew about anyway. How bad would it be to be told your penis was too small to satisfy a particular woman? It would hurt a lot only if you were trying to pretend your penis was totally adequate and, therefore, impossible it might be to small for a particular woman. Certain men however are into competing for status and position and will use anything they can against you in the most vicious way possible. Women aren't competing in the same way, usually. They are more likely to be disappointed, at worst, and often choose not to even show their disappointment beyond failure to achieve full orgasm.
  11. Yes AND the statement regarding his attitude toward sex as a "symbolic" arena in which to compensate for other areas of inferiority might be key. Unlike Reich, who I see you discussed in another thread, did not think sex and certainly not orgasm was important in itself. Interesting that Adler and Reich seemed to split of from Freud in opposite directions! Adler seems to be obsessed with "social betterment" also. Maybe he thought of sex being about rational reproduction and child rearing which you broached with your note regarding "emphasized the procreative aspect with regards to the woman." Maybe Adler tended to reject the sex obsessed as compensating in an anti-social immoral way for their status and physical defects. Adler thought compensation through "good works" lauditory, but through striving for power evil.
  12. Yeah, she would never say she was faking orgasm unless she was. Reminds me that a number of women I was with would fake orgasm to get me to orgasm finally when I was stuck pounding away with no friction because of size. The excitement of even what sounds like it might be orgasm in the woman can trigger orgasm in the man. Usually did with me, but right away i'd realize another depressing failure.
  13. I am pretty small. A bit more than 4". When a woman was very stimulated and secreting fluids, I would lose friction and not feel much. I would have a hard time orgasming, but eventually would from banging pubes to pubes. The orgasm was not very pleasurable. Certainly, the woman, might be stimulated and experience some pleasure, but never have an orgasm, certainly not one detectable by me. If a woman was not very stimulated and just lubricated enough to allow thrusting, my orgasm would be much better and quicker though it was very clear the woman was not reacting much and likely to be faking orgasm. I'm under the impression that a longer, thicker penis can bring a stimulated and well lubricated vagina to orgasm by contacting nether regions or a combination of lateral and longitudinal stretch. I don't think all the big guys are just bragging.
  14. The world has always been hip deep in blood and gore from war and slaughter, to day nothing of domination of women and other men, especially less masculine ones. By what process do you know that a man with a small penis can experience the same physical pleasure that a man with a large penis can? My experience indicated the opposite unless the experience of strongly stimulating the woman through penetration alone is not pleasurable for the man. I know failing in that is distressing and a severe drag on recreational sex. By DSM V standards a man with a withered arm who has problems adjusting has BDD just like man with an objectively small penis has problems adjusting to his handicap. The "disorder" is not being able to ignore it or adjust to it. The key is that no attention is given to the severity of the dysmorphia. Delusion regarding the degree of dysmorphia is clearly a mental problem requiring psychotherapy. Learning how to proceed with objectively, significantly out of spec body part is a coping skill. The 2 problems should not be conflated as they are in DSM V
  15. Decay? People have always been like that. Even those to "moral" to express it, feel it.
  16. Why am I asking questions instead of googling? Adler's book full title that lead to his break with Freud was: A Study of Organ Inferiority and Its Psychical Compensation. . Seems obvious that Adler, given the basic focus of his psychology should have focused at some point on the problem of perceived or actual genital inferiority! But, I can't find any information on his recommendations! Maybe this quote from the article below explains Adler's failure to address "our" issue directly: "Adler increasingly downplayed Freud’s basic contention that sexual conflicts in early childhood cause mental illness, and he further came to confine sexuality to a symbolic role in human strivings to overcome feelings of inadequacy." https://www.britannica.com/biography/Alfred-Adler#ref276945 Alfred Adler AUSTRIAN PSYCHIATRIST WRITTEN BY: The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica Alfred Adler, (born February 7, 1870, Penzing, Austria—died May 28, 1937, Aberdeen, Aberdeenshire, Scotland), psychiatrist whose influential system of individual psychology introduced the term inferiority feeling, later widely and often inaccurately called inferiority complex. He developed a flexible, supportive psychotherapy to direct those emotionally disabled by inferiority feelings toward maturity, common sense, and social usefulness. Alfred Adler.Universal History Archives/REX/Shutterstock.com Throughout his life Adler maintained a strong awareness of social problems, and this served as a principal motivation in his work. From his earliest years as a physician (M.D., University of Vienna Medical School, 1895), he stressed consideration of the patient in relation to the total environment, and he began developing a humanistic, holistic approach to human problems. About 1900 Adler began to explore psychopathology within the context of general medicine and in 1902 became closely associated with Sigmund Freud. Gradually, however, differences between the two became irreconcilable, notably after the appearance of Adler’s Studie über Minderwertigkeit von Organen (1907; Study of Organ Inferiority and Its Psychical Compensation), in which he suggested that persons try to compensate psychologically for a physical disability and its attendant feeling of inferiority. Unsatisfactory compensation results in neurosis. Adler increasingly downplayed Freud’s basic contention that sexual conflicts in early childhood cause mental illness, and he further came to confine sexuality to a symbolic role in human strivings to overcome feelings of inadequacy. Outspokenly critical of Freud by 1911, Adler and a group of followers severed ties with Freud’s circle and began developing what they called individual psychology, first outlined in Über den nervösen Charakter (1912; The Neurotic Constitution). The system was elaborated in later editions of this work and in other writings, such as Menschenkenntnis (1927; Understanding Human Nature). Individual psychology maintains that the overriding motivation in most people is a striving for what Adler somewhat misleadingly termed superiority (i.e., self-realization, completeness, or perfection). This striving for superiority may be frustrated by feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, or incompleteness arising from physical defects, low social status, pampering or neglect during childhood, or other causes encountered in the course of life. Individuals can compensate for their feelings of inferiority by developing their skills and abilities, or, less healthily, they may develop an inferiority complex that comes to dominate their behaviour. Overcompensation for inferiority feelings can take the form of an egocentric striving for power and self-aggrandizing behaviour at others’ expense. Each person develops his personality and strives for perfection in his own particular way, in what Adler termed a style of life, or lifestyle. The individual’s lifestyle forms in early childhood and is partly determined by what particular inferiority affected him most deeply during his formative years. The striving for superiority coexists with another innate urge: to cooperate and work with other people for the common good, a drive that Adler termed the social interest. Mental health is characterized by reason, social interest, and self-transcendence; mental disorder by feelings of inferiority and self-centred concern for one’s safety and superiority or power over others. The Adlerian psychotherapist directs the patient’s attention to the unsuccessful, neurotic character of his attempts to cope with feelings of inferiority. Once the patient has become aware of these, the therapist builds up his self-esteem, helps him adopt more realistic goals, and encourages more useful behaviour and a stronger social interest.In 1921 Adler established the first child-guidance clinic in Vienna, soon thereafter opening and maintaining about 30 more there under his direction. Adler first went to the United States in 1926 and became visiting professor at Columbia University in 1927. He was appointed visiting professor of the Long Island College of Medicine in New York in 1932. In 1934 the government in Austria closed his clinics. Many of his later writings, such as What Life Should Mean to You (1931), were directed to the general reader. Heinz L. and Rowena R. Ansbacher edited The Individual Psychology of Alfred Adler (1956) and Superiority and Social Interest (1964). https://www.britannica.com/biography/Alfred-Adler#ref276945
  17. Does anyone follow Alfred Adler's thinking any more? He seemed to claim "compensation" for real or imagined mental, social or physical inferiority was the central psychological dynamic of human existence. He was an associate of Freud, one of the original members of Freud's Vienna Circle. He wrote a book titled ORGAN INFERIORITY which I read. It never mentioned, if I recall correctly, the penis. I wondered if that was because frank discussion of sex was then frowned upon. Anyway, does anyone know if Adler advocated "compensation" or tried to abolish it? Or, advised patients to adopt more sensible compensations? Maybe those of us actually afflicted with a truly small penis should think in terms of rational compensation.
  18. I wrote this above some time ago. I now, after lot of further investigation and thinking, believe women are "gas lighting" when they say size doesn't matter because real men with a small penis 99% of the time have very poor confidence as a result. They reject men with poor confidence. They have to cope with imperfect bodies and cannot understand why we can't also. A lot of average and better men have poor confidence also. They are rejected as well. Of course, there are exceptions, usually women who have mental issues or so called "body dismorphic issues themselves.
  19. Do you have a gay or straight marriage? Have you discussed the situation with your mate.?
  20. Horrible! What does "sectioned" mean?
  21. What, then, do you think is the essence of your problem?
  22. How does that work? Actually go through hormone treatment and surgery? "Most?" I've often thought I'm a submissive "male" lesbian.
  23. Yeah, but the lacking sexual performance can become more and more apparent over time when the expected "improvement" does not occur.
  24. Most women believe or like to believe or want people to believe that it is the relationship, not the penis size, even those women who have a lot of adventurous sex. They resent that men seem picky about female bodies and make a point they aren't or, at least, put the person first. When they admit preferences they are clear they are just talking preference and can adjust to whatever the "right" man has in the way of genitals. An interesting point is that women list as attractive or necessary male characteristics such as "confidence", not just in bed, but in life, which are difficult for a man with a small penis (real or imagined) to develop. Just my attempt at mind reading. Plus, there are many varieties of females. They don't all think and feel alike! My stereotype above does not fit all.
  • Create New...