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Blog Comments posted by Andromeda

  1.   My boyfriend`s mother went alone in the mountain and we lost contact with her this November. He went to search her with Mountain rescuers, but they found her dead after four days of searching and he is so depressed right now. Im trying to help him, but I feel really bad for her too. I lived in their apartment last three months and I liked her a lot. She liked me too. But now everything is ruined again. Every time I think that maybe things will be fine, something is ruined again.

  2. Thank you IJ. Im trying to stay active and go out with my friends most often and this helps, but when I go home I feel bad again.

    I guess that my new situation helped for me feeling like this, Lala. I just still feel nervous when I have to go to work. I make mistakes at work sometimes. I know its normal not to be great and not to know everything at work first weeks till you adapt, but everytime I make mistake I feel like its proof that Im worhless and feel anxiety and depression. I dont show that I feel like this, but inside Im mess. Even small things can make me feel like this.

    I still havent graduated from university and I have this feeling that Imunimportant.

    My friend knows that Im there for her and Im talking with her a lot about problems and she tells me hers, but I still feel like a burden. I didnt tell her that I feel suicidal, but Im sure she suspects it. She told me to call her when I feel bad and sometimes I do, but still I dont to bother everytime and she sometimes is angry when she finds out that I felt bad and didnt tell her. I dont want to be burden. 

  3. I just wasnt in a mood to write. My father came to see us and first days things were fine, but last days he and mom are fighting a lot and he is dissappointed in me.Because I still have two exams that I have to pass and I had problem with them. I was ready for one of them, but I had nervous break down and I didnt went. He said that I dont do anything. He dont understands mental illnesses. So Im not sure that I will graduate this year :(. I want to be able to do meaningful things,but I dont feel capuble enough.

  4. Yes I feel better this week. Maybe because I saw my friends and we had walk in the park. The weather is better now and this helps too. I can go out more often. I dont know about the medications. My friend who is depressed went to psychiatrist and she gave her antidepressants. So I hope she will feel better. Im not sure if its good idea for me. Im kind of scared of side effects. I know I can stop medications or change them, but still if this happen my mother will say that she is right . But my firend said if I need to go to psychiatrist she will come with me. Its nice to know that and that she care about me.

  5. Nothing new in my life. I study for my exams and go out with friends sometimes. Its great that they still care for me. Even when I cant go with them sometimes they call and they say that they miss me. Its so nice :)  I didnt have bad anxiety, but OCD sometimes is more strong, at least at night. But for now I can manage the symptoms. One of my friends had anxiety attack and I stayed on the phone with her. she said that I helped her and understood her, maybe because I have experience with anxiety.

    Thanks for asking Resolute. How are you doing?

  6. Nothing provoked these feelings. Just staying home and thinking. I know I have to change my life, but I cant now and Im just stitting at home when people live. They have work, they study. I just exist. I want to know that Im important to others and that make them happy or something.

    You dont have to answer every time when I post something on my blog,Lala So dont worry. But of course your comments are always nice and thank you for caring :)

  7. Thank you for ideas Lala. Im trying but its hard. This month weather here is awful thats why I dont go out often. I was thinking about volunteer work before, but in my country always is hard to do something like this. I watch a lot videos so this is something I do a lot- most times science videos, but others too. Im trying to study and read more books to keep my mind active, but sometimes I just want to sleep and dont do anything. I just need people I guess, but I cant see my friends a lot. Next month I will pay for card for transport so I can meet them more often and center of the city have more opportunities to meet new people than staying in my part of the city.

  8. Thank you for the pictures Lala. I love nature, but most time I dont have time or money to go somewhere.

    Im doing like always. The dentist is treating the tooth. I had one good night with my frriends, but other days are just depressing. Im sleeping more and Im only lying in bed.

  9. I like flowers :) (I didnt like them only when I had to study for my botany exam :D )Thank you IJ.

    I went to dentist. My tooth was bad, I had pulpite and the dentist remove the nerve of the tooth,because it was dead. She is going to treat the tooth and she will try to save it. I hope it wont be nessesery to remove it. Now it dont hurt so much, but maybe I will have to take antibiotic, because infection was bad. I had temperature yesterday thats why I didnt write soon.

    My doctor thinks that I have problem with thyroid hormones, but I will try to change my diet too.

  10. I cant take anymore. :( One of my is teeth is bad again and hurts so much. I know I have to go to dentist,but I cant afford it right now. If I go I cant pay my exams. I feel so alone with my problems. Im so tired everything to hurt. My bones and teeth are so weak. I cant understand why maybe its genetic. Im such a burden.

  11. Yesterday from one place called me for job. Im so scared, because if I get the job I have to talk a lot with people and even thinking this makes me terrified. :( I feel I cant breathe and Im going to vomit. I have to go tomorrow to see if I get the job. I dont think I will get it, because I cant talk fine with others. The other problem is that this job is not on good place. I will be home at 10 at night and Im little scared to go alone from work to home. I dont know what to do. I need job and I dont want to look like persoh who makes excuses, but I dont know what to do.

  12. Thank you for asking.

    On Friday I wasnt fine. I felt anxiety and I felt sick like I was going to vomit. There wasnt reason or something, but with so much problems I guess its not so strange to happen.

    Yesterday and today I was in park again. It was sunny and not so cold so I didnt stay at home. I was little scared that anxiety may become strong again so I went for walk. I started to talk with one woman with dog in the park . She didnt have where to sit so she sat near me and we started talking about her dog. So I had company.

    Today my friends came to visit me and It was nice to see them.

    I was little disappointed when I looked for jobs for molecular biologist. Of coure now I cant work something like that. Now I started to search for something more simple. But I think even if I have my degree I dont think its possible to work something like that. They want to candidate to be perfect in so many things, because there is not so many places where someone whats molecular biologist, but if they want somebody they want the best. I guess I made mistake to study this and all my hard work looks like for nothing.

  13. I couldnt see my friends these days, because I didnt have money for transport. Because I dont live in center of the city and they do. I have to start to study for other exams, they will be November so I have time. I only hope I will have money for them. Im just afraid that I look like person who dont take seriously studying because people dont know my problems and they say that I dont do anything expect learning and still didnt pass my exams. They dont know my struggles, but Im starting to belive that they are right. My condition looks so much like excuse and not like real problem.

  14. I was with my aunt again for one week and I passed one of my exams even if I was so depressed some days before it.

    I feel like I dont move and my life is just same days without plans about future.

    I want to feel like Im not monster and I understand that you have point Lala, but its so hard to accept what you said on emotional level. When OCD started when I was 12 I started feeling like that. Im scared of anger, Im trying to accept it just as emotion,but in myy family my father and mother are often angry and I dont like how they treat people when they feel it.I dont want to become like them.

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