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Everything posted by Kitkat1993x

  1. Yes, I could talk to them, they're available 24/7 but I have problems with talking to people on the phone. I am angry at myself, I hate myself, I think I'm an absolute burden, disgusting and a horrible horrible person. Haha, that made me smile, thank you. Yes, I am aware and I have done it before. Last time I managed a month and it landed me in hospital. This time...I don't know where it will take me. I don't really care to be honest. I don't know what will change it as I can't control it.
  2. I feel so irrational, agitated and angry. I just want to smash my face in, cut myself too deep or hang myself. I don't want to eat from 1st December. I'm not going to. I can't write this anywhere else 'cause my friends are trying to recover. I want to die. One of the side effects of Quetiapine, which has recently been doubled in dosage for me, is Seroquel Anger. Anyone heard of it? I'm currently a disgusting abusive cow. I can't stand myself. Help.
  3. Is what doing something for me, sorry? I'm so sorry for the abuse you suffered from your ex-wife. That's not right at all. Yes, I see what you mean. I don't know, I have MASSIVE self-contempt so that's probably the root of both my Depression and Anorexia.
  4. I get angry CONSTANTLY at the moment. Over every little thing and I store it up and store it up and explode at my parents and friends. Does anyone else get this? I'm really really scared I'll be violent and physically hurt someone. I used to have problems with anger during my nervous breakdown and I was violent and I used to trash the house and kick and abuse my parents and now I'm just verbally abusive and I hate it and I don't mean to be and I'm scared.
  5. Oh right, that doesn't sound good at all, that sounds pretty scary. I was in the 'acute' section of the mental health wards. I was in with some violent patients, I remember one that used a plant pot from the lounge to smash the window. God that was scary, I leapt up from the chair and ran back to my room! Yes I understand that too, as they argued that you could become institutionalized and 'patient-like' in an oppressive environment like hospital. I don't think so, I was in my last year of College and was getting stressed about it and my Anorexia relapsed BADLY and I started taking diet pills
  6. Thank you, IrmaJean, I really appreciate your concern and your listening ear. I hope they care, I just feel like I'm beyond help right now and the only way to get out of this pain is to kill myself. The light metaphor is beautiful, I'll use that again! Yes, I have a very supportive friend who's miles away but we talk every day and she's also struggling so we fight through it together even though are diagnoses are entirely different. My parents are supportive and do so much for me but they don't really understand. I don't know how to keep myself safe, all my medication is locked in a safe 'caus
  7. Hi, malign, thank you for replying. I guess it does. It just doesn't to many people, they're just like 'and?' haha. I don't know, I have a real insecurity in whether I matter or not. I guess I take everything as failure and rejection. Yes, I will be talking to my STR worker tomorrow as she didn't ring me this afternoon like the hospital assessment promised. She knows how desperate I am and how I have to be willing to change in order to recover from this and at the moment, all I want to do is die. No, the assessment wasn't much apart from discussing my situation and my plans and possible hospit
  8. SORRY IT'S SO LONG, PLEASE DON'T FEEL YOU HAVE TO READ ALL OF IT, I'VE INDICATED THE BIT I NEED TO BE READ IN ITALICS. I have been diagnosed with Dysthymia/Chronic Depression after having Clinical Depression for near enough 10 years. I had a nervous breakdown at the age of 9 after my Grandfather whom I loved dearly passed away from Cancer. I didn't go to school for a year, didn't leave the house, was home tutored, got VERY angry and destroyed the house constantly...I was vile during that year. Basically, to cut a long story short I have self-harmed for 2 years and have 8 suicide attempts to my
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