Victimorthecrime

Just a pic of my new living room

"Vocation" originally meant the calling that priests were expected to feel when they chose to enter the priesthood.  It only later came to mean whatever career a person chose.
I chose to make a right turn fairly late in my life, and go from a quarter century or so of computer programming to a new profession, psychological counseling.  The change required that I get at least a master's degree, which at my age is probably as far as I will go.
What made me decide to make such a change?  Well, some of the events in my own life, which are largely detailed elsewhere in this blog, gave me some experience with psychology, from the user's perspective, you could say.  Verbal abuse, depression and suicidality, and a drawn-out divorce made me aware that there had to be more to life than programming.  And, coming to the site during that period, I learned a bit about helping and being helped.  Programming isn't much of a legacy compared to that.
The path to the degree has been long:  four years and counting.  The subjects taught were not clear-cut like the ones in my biology undergrad schooling.  The classes had varying amounts of "experiential" learning, which seems to have meant that we taught each other.  I have failed courses (before this one), something that isn't like me.  I put off applying to the practicum several times, tiding myself over with an elective course so that my student loans wouldn't come due.
Clearly, then, I have shown some resistance to finishing the program.  Now it will take at least another year to graduate, and then I have to get licensed.  Anxiety accounts for some of the resistance, at least.  The fact that, even when I'm licensed, I will have to be supervised throughout my career is another burden that slows me down.  The profession also won't be as lucrative as if I had continued programming, and hey, who doesn't like money?  My advisor, even before I was admitted into the program, remarked that I didn't have the same kind of enthusiasm that other students had coming in, mostly just having graduated with psychology degrees.  I pointed out, essentially, that I was twice their age and so could be expected to be roughly half as naive, I mean optimistic.  I used better words, because he let me in, but I haven't become less cynical.
Interestingly, I chose counseling as the way to help because I had experience with (receiving) it over most of my life, and I assumed that was how people get helped.  I only realized, this last semester during one of my supervision sessions, that counseling was not, in fact, what helped me through the worst of my own time.  It was this site!  (The people really.)  That startling idea has at least opened my mind to consider other helping options, even if I finish the counseling degree.
It probably plays no small part in my reasons for coming back.

Sainsburys is getting back to normal now lot less Queues and more in stock 

Starting from Monday my form of exercise is walking in the morning prefer 6am for 30/20 mins 
Then to Sainsbury's at 10am but today Thursday I be doing one form of exercise and that it will
End of lockdown Quarantine day 4

When I think that maybe things are going fine everything have to turn bad. Im so tired of life. 😢

I.know I generally do.this on Friday but after tomorrow I might be in new place won't be able to do it 
 
Monday - Out to Saintsburys 
Tuesday - sign up 11:50am took things to new place at 3pm 
Wednesday - staying in more packing 
Thursday - probation 9:30am taken some bigger stuff to new place 2pm CR 7:30pm 
Friday - might be moving in new place and getting paid 
Hope to be pack soon

All this week been packing
 
Monday - went out for a bit shopping and done some more packing up 
Tuesday - Routestowork 9:30 packed more stuff up
Wednesday - stayed in and packing 
Thursday - 9;30am probation and 7:30 CR 
Friday - routestowork 9:30am took some stuff to new place and back to packing

Monday - Humankind at 9am Routestowork - 10am 
Tuesday - sign on at 9:25am
Wednesday - stayed in rest 
Thursday - probation at 9:30am tried to find new place at 4:00 CR 7:00pm 
Friday - Routestowork 9:30 New place viewing 10:00am back there at 4:00pm 
 

Monday - Went out to Sainburys for a bit of shopping
Tuesday - meeting at Routestowork 11:30am 
Wednesday - stayed in for a rest 
Thursday - probation 9:30am life healing changes 7:30pm 
Friday - staying In for rest 

Monday 15th - Humankind 9am - sign onto compass shortly be moving
Tuesday 16th - Routestowork 11am and signed on 4:15pm 
Wednesday 17th - stayed in and rested
Thursday 18th - Probation 9:30am Life healing choices 7:30pm 
Friday 19th - Routestowork 10:30am and shopping, gas and electric

12th - Friday probation at 9:30am and Routetowork at 2:00pm 
11th - Thursday life healing choices at 7:30Pm 
10th - Wednesday humankind at 3:00Pm 
9th - Tuesday went out for a bit of shopping 
8th - Monday Shopping and tea at drop in centre 

1st Monday - Went to probation to phone someone at humankind then 2pm at council housing options
2nd Tuesday - signed on at 9:10am 
3rd Wednesday - stayed in and rested 
4th Thursday - probation at 9:30an and Life changing choices
5th Friday - got paid put only electric on and went to Saintsburys 

24th Monday - went out for bit shopping
25th Tuesday - went out for a tea and more shopping 
26th Wednesday - stayed in for a rest 
27th Thursday - went out for bit more shopping and life healing choices at 7:30pm 
28th Friday - 9:30am probation 

Monday - stayed in for a rest 
Tuesday - signed on at 11:30am 
Wednesday - humankind at 4:00PM 
Thursday - probation at 9:30am, met with PPU officer at 2:00pm Life healing choices at 7:30pm 
Friday went to get paid and shopping and put gas and electric on. 

Monday - went out to Saintsburys 
Tuesday - went out for a bit and shopping
Wednesday - Routestowork home visit 3:00pm human kind 4:00pm 
Thursday probation 9:30am CR 7:30pm 
Friday stayed in for a rest 
 

Monday stayed in and rested 
Tuesday signed on at 9:35am 
Wednesday routes to work at 1pm 
Thursday 9:30am probation 7:30 life healing choices 
Friday gas and electric, shopping 

Monday: meeting at routes to work at 11:00am
Tuesday: signed on at 11:00am and English assessment at 11:30am 
Wednesday: stayed in for rest 
Thursday: probation at 9:30am and CR at 7pm
Friday Humankind at 1pm also at first stop went shopping this morning

Monday went out shopping at Saintsbury's
Tuesday went drop in for cup of tea 
Wednesday Stopped in for tidy up
Thursday. Probation at 9;30am 7;00pm CR 
Friday stayed in and a rest 

Monday 18th 
Went out to buy a couple of DVDs and shopping
Tuesday 19th
Went out to buy cola and a few food
Wednesday 20th 
Stayed in and watched few DVDs 
 
Thursday 21st 
Had probation and CR came back at 10pm 
Friday 22nd 
Stayed in and s rest today. 

I think this is the longest gap there's ever been in this blog, which has been running since 2008.
I guess nothing too surprising happened this past year:  classes go on;  it will soon be time for practicum, where the rubber meets the ... forehead of the client;  I went back to work for the big-box grocery-slash-everything chain I worked for before ...  All the usual anniversaries went by:  my hospitalization, my ex filing a restraining order that began the end of our marriage, and so on, but they didn't carry very much weight this time.  More prominent was the two year anniversary of my second marriage, which is much happier.
I continue to make progress in my own therapy.  And that might be part of the reason for the gap:  I would like to postpone writing until I'm "done", whatever that means, until I think I can sound smart describing the humbling process of coming to terms with coping "skills" that I would rather change.
What I found, mostly, is that my childhood was, in fact, kind of difficult, despite everyone involved doing their best and no major evil.  My folks just had too much on their hands, having two baby boys in their 40's.  As the first child, I did my best to relieve them of some of the burden, which simply isn't a child's job ...  It made it very confusing about what I'm allowed to do, what I'm allowed to want, who I'm allowed to be.  The limits seemed a good idea at the time.
Now I have to reconcile the part that resents all that I thought I should give up with the part that thought that giving those things up was a good idea.  And I do mean reconcile;  there's a desire to "replace" the old manager part, but all that does is change which part is exiled.  I have to find an argument to which they'll both agree for why they're stronger and better together.
So.  Still here, still reading, still hoping that people benefit.  See y'all around.

Monday stayed in and bit of rest 
Tuesday went out to Saintsburys 
Wednesday stayed in for tidying up
Thursday went out to firststop at 9:30 then out again at 12 noon for probation meeting then out at 5pm for CR group
Today went out got paid got shipping put gas and electric on 

1st March my birthday had a relaxing day. Brought new Halloween, Detroit 
Monday went out and brought two DVDS Molly's game and clue 
Tuesday went out to buy some cola 
Wednesday stayed in and tidyed up 
Thursday went to probation and CR 
Today stayed in and having a rest 

Monday. Went out for some shopping.
Tuesday. Stayed in to do house work 
Wednesday. Went to Saintsburys had safeguarding come around at 12 noon .
Thursday. Had Probation and CR group
Today. Had a meeting at 11am then back home

Monday went to the town brought Cloverfield paradox
Tuesday stayed in and did some house work 
Wednesday went out and brought another DVZ 
Thursday had to stay in had gas safety check and home visit from probation officer then
Went to CR at 5pm 
Today stayed in and had a rest 

Well it has just snowed today so it is a cold February.
 
Monday stayed in watched a few DVDs 
Tuesday had to sign on so I can get money today 
Wednesday had a probation meeting with my probation officer
Thursday went to my CR meeting with double helpings of bangers and mash 
Today put extra £20 on gas and £10 on electric