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Found 5 results

  1. Ok so my girlfriend and I are both 16 and she goes to parties nothing excessive or anything above normal but she does drink a bit. Not like alcoholic but just like a normal teenager would. Now for some reason when she drinks at parties I get really nervous. Like super high anxiety and I just feel genuinely upset and I don’t know how to deal with this because she’s not doing anything wrong and I don’t want to make her feel bad by saying something. ( we have been talking about it together tho) I was In an abusive relationship (mental/emotional,physical) with my father I wouldn’t label him as an alcoholic but he definitely has a serious drinking problem. Maybe he is I’m not really to sure just looking for some coping advice for when my girlfriend wants to go out and have a good time and I have a panic attack and get really upset. Also I’m sorry if I was unclear just spewing out my thoughts; if any clarification is needed please let me know. Thank you for any advice.
  2. Im actually having a real hard time, its been some months im on the maniac phase but sometimes it gets mixed, when i feel down and low. I have been into not so hard crisis but its been two weeks that im compulsively touching myself over and over. Im eating a lot, i feel empty and im not being productive. Sometimes i distract myself and try tp get over it but its not working anymore. I just moved and i feel like this is not my place. Im trembling all the time, and i want to cry. I feel like im going to explode at any moment and i start feeling suffocated, in panic. I feel guilty, everything is a mess i want to end all this. I spend most part of the day euphoric but there's times i feel the panic taking over. I cant cry, i cant ask for help and i dont have money to pay for a doctor. These times i just wish i could end this shit. Im hurting myself. I dont want to live life like this. everyone's too busy to pay attention. I try to tell, but the words dont come out, i feel like they're gonna judge me or think im stupid and want attention. I have some psychosis issues and im constantly paranoid, im trying so hard to do something else that make this get easier but i still feel like i need to talk with someone. Im always giving attention to everyone but i feel like they dont care, maybe im suffocating them and that's why they're leaving? Im alone, all the time. And its heavy. Too heavy to hold, and i still take care of other people. Im loosing control, i keep repeating things to myself that doesnt even make sense, like it wasnt me, i hate this voice. Sometimes i harsh myself in hope that this gives me some kind of relief but nothing works. I wanted to exercise bc i know it helps on anxiety, sleep, mind, health etc, but i cant start, i feel tired all the time, my body is always sleepy, amd when i get the energy to do it i spend it touching myself and feeling bad after that. I used to take remedies last year but they made me got worst, i still have my medication for crisis but its kinda strong for me and i know that if i take it i will sleep, and get lower the next day, and i will feel guilty and more lazy than i already am. Please, im drowning, help me
  3. Hi, it's the first time I post here and I'm kinda scared but I got nothing to loose. Just for basic information, I have a social and general anxiety disorder. Yesterday, I was awoken by my phone. My boss was calling me to tell me that I was 45 minutes late. The thing is that I didn't even knew I was working that day. Like it wasn't an error on schedule or anything, I just didn't look well enough (god I'm so stupid). So I tell my boss about the situation and she ask me if I can work anyway and I said that I slept like 2 hours so I couldn't work (I was almost having a panic attack). So I don't remember what she said next but I had a panic attack right after I hung up. Now I feel like I'm the worst human being on the planet. I just wanna die in a hole. I feel like I'm a waste of oxygen. I've calmed down but I'm still really anxious (English is not my first language so don't juge me please).
  4. Ralph

    Posting Dilemma

    I know I have not been very active on this site lately. There was some discussion of this in the Announcements thread introducing me as a new moderator, but I thought I would add more detail here. The blog feels like a more appropriate place for this, and that way I don't feel like I'm cluttering up an announcement thread with a whole wall of text. I have made massive progress in the past year or two in learning to stop beating myself up. I'm starting (just barely) to accept who and what I am, flaws and all. As a perfectionist, I find this to be a difficult thing to do, but I prefer it over the alternative, which is rejecting myself until I meet some artificial standard that I set up for myself in the hope of gaining approval from others. I'm also experimenting with not giving a lot of weight to what others think of me. That does not imply that I reject social norms (I'm actually rather conventional from most points of view), but rather I am allowing myself to be me, rather than trying to make sure everyone likes me. If someone dislikes me, at least the are disliking the genuine me, rather than being kind of meh with some fake version of myself. This is so freeing, but nonetheless I still drop back into my comfort zone of being invisibly neutral whenever I forget to consciously work on it. I wish I could share this with others, but I had to do a lot of hard work to get here. It took many months of practice and hours of sitting with discomfort, trying out new behaviors (along with new medications, yuck!), and disputing irrational thoughts. I am still not a master of this skill, but I am gradually learning to make friends with my own suffering, and not add to it by layering on additional meanings which are only projections of my reactions to past events I can't let go of. I definitely have improved, but there is still more work to do. I'm not a good enough writer to be able to package this up in a way that communicates to others how to do what I did. That's why I don't really post that much, which on reflection probably shows I've still got some perfectionism left to deal with. However, I don't want to say something that causes more harm than good. Given my personality quirks it is easy to take something I say the wrong way, and hear something unkind when I did not mean it that way. In 3d land, (aka IRL or "outside") I am also very quiet for the same reason. OTOH I don't see how my silence helps others, so I could experiment with being more active. Just writing this out literally made me sweat, so this causes some degree of nervousness on my part. I could view this as a good thing, another opportunity to get out of my comfort zone. If you have managed to read all this, thank you. I would love your input as to this dilemma. What would you rather see from me - more postings that potentially could be taken the wrong way, but potentially could offer support or understanding, vs being quiet and only stepping in to "referee"?
  5. Ralph

    Intrusive thoughts

    Last visit with pdoc had me up Wellbutrin as my depressive symptoms have shown improvement but still pretty depressed. Now I have intrusive thoughts again, random thoughts telling me to kill myself that interrupt my internal dialogue. Not voices that I hear externally but still seems like something "not me" issuing a command. Not sure if this is related to the med change or just stress at work which has also been high lately. Intrusive thoughts were an issue for me before I got on meds, but they had gone away when I got on the right AAP (Abilify) along with problems of derealization/depersonalization. I understand from the therapist that helped me with PTSD that these are anxiety symptoms and are more likely for PTSD patients. I'm hoping this isn't related to the med change but I am going to watch for whether it happens on days when I take the higher dose. I've been alternating the higher dose 300mg and lower dose 150mg every other day for one week. I'm supposed to do that for 2 weeks total and then go to 300mg every day. I wish these thoughts would go away. It's very bothersome to have someone saying these distressing things inside my head like this.
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