I feel like I'm going to kill myself

[tessa.k15]

I could just do it. Right now I could so easily. So much of me knows that it's wrong and I'm terrified of myself right now but I just really want to die. I'm so sick of being here. I don't want to see all those people at school tomorrow I just want to die and never see another face again. I don't want to want to die but I do. I need help I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do anymore

[LaLa]

Hello, Tessa, welcome!

I'm so glad you came here "to vent", to share your feelings and thoughts instead of doing something bad to yourself! (Sorry for not being here sooner to reply... I have little time even now, so just briefly.)

I used to struggle with suicidal thoughts for years, also at your age. I can't say "I know how you feel", but I certainly have a good idea about this kind of "ambiguous" wishes, urges, feelings, fantasies. In my case, I've always knew that I couldn't do that to those who love me, so I've always felt an obligation to live. I mention this all to show one of many examples proving it can get much better.

What does help you to survive? Which thoughts, which people, which activities?

In any case, I agree with you that you'd need help - a good professional help, psychotherapy, would probably be the best. SF Bay Area is knows for a high concentration of psychotherapists , so I hope it won't be hard for you to find a good fit. You may start by a school counsellor and/or at a website with lists of therapists in your area.

Would you share more about the reasons / circumstances / people / ... that made your life so unbearable? Has something bad happened recently? And what do you resent so much about those you see at school?

Good luck, take care and keep posting!

[brightskies]

stick with it...im with you..pm me if you like..