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Was-I raped by my mother?


Lantrier
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I have somehting in mind that I can't forget no matter how hard I try. I am not sure if I was raped by my mother when I was a kid. There is a lot of things that maybe it can be considered has a rape, but I am not sure at 100%. Let me explain a little more.

- I have sleep with my mother in the same bed during 10 years (0 to 10 years olds)

- She was always naked in bed

- She masturbate in front of me in the bed

- She has washed me in the bath by her own hands during 8 years (0 to 8 years olds)

- She washed my penis for a long time when I was a kid

- I saw her naked a lot of time when I was a kid (normal, she is sleeping that way)

- Maybe she raped me in the bed one day (when she was mastubate, she take her hands on my penis and said: Don't talk to your teacher about this, ok. But I am not sure about this one, maybe its just my imagination, but its a strong possibility.

I never talk about this to someone, not even my psychiatrist. And I don't want to talk about this to my mother, because I live with her. This situation has give me a lot of stress during all my life and my way to talk with my mother. Also, maybe its because of these things that I can't have sensations with my body: I am in front of a wall.

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It does sound like molestation to me sadly. It's a good idea to work through these issues with your therapist or even on your own (if you fear your mum's safety) to find the cause. Typically though molestation or rape victims develop an anxiety around sexual contact with only a slight difficulty with arousal; not a loss of sensation itself. Still though it can definitely contribute to any aversion you may have to intimacy or sex. You're at least trying to get to the bottom of it which is good. Keep up the good work.

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Unfortunately, I don't have a talk therapist, but maybe I can ask my psychiatrist if I can have one.

When I was in my early teens (13 to 15 years olds), at that perdiod of my life, I was not depressed, I was feeling secure about the world, I had passions, etc. But after I got 15 years olds, the boyfriend of my mother has begun to fight me for no reasons. He has beaten me for about 10 times. He has strangle me several times, punch me in the faces, push me on the wall, etc.Then I begun to feel extremely depressed, I was dreaming about him where he raped me. I was afraid of him. I did not understand why my mother was with him, how can she make love with him when he has done so much creepy things to her son. I was feeling betrayed by my mother, then I begun to think about what she did to me in the past: it's like everything was out. I was never happy again with my life, even now.

I live right now with my mother and her same boyfriend. One that has rape me, and one that has beaten me. I need to get out of here, but I can't right now, I have to wait some months. At least, I have some medications to help me. Will I ever be happy? I don't know

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You are right, It will be better for me if I found an appartment the fastest. I had my own appartment before until I lost my job and had to move to my mother because of financially issues.

I think I have to realize that I can live with them only because I take antipsychotic medications that help me to not focus on them. But without theses drugs, I'm not sure I will be capable to be in the same place as them. In fact, before I took them, my mother and her boyfriend was not part of my life anymore.

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I have never learn to be active in front of the challenge of life. As it said on paper about my life, I was lacking of stimulation when I was a kid ( I don't know if it was because of school or because of my parents), but this lack have made me less inclined to have insurance. And I have not change very much since I was a kid, I am always this insecure person that can't find solutions to anything, that can't find solutions to have happiness

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The risks I could take if I want to advance in life: starting dating (risk of being rejected), do interviews for jobs (risk of not be accepted for the job), take an appartment (risk of being tight in my finances), talking to my family about my mother and his boyfriend (risk of being view differently from my family). Maybe that way I will not be stagnate in life.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Somehting happen: my mother was drunk and she begin to punch me, so I cry to her ''You raped me when I was a kid'', then enveryone was ambarassed. So I am going to go to my father until I take an appartment. And after that, I think I am going to ignore his boyfriend and only seeing my mother 3 to 4 times a year in a public environnement. I hope she is going to achnowledge what she did to me.

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Good idea! Be careful your father doesn't try to molest you either because I have a feeling you'll be telling us about that :( So sad. Make sure you take an anti rape alarm when you see your mother, can never be too careful about these things! And if she gives you coffee see if there's white powder in it could be roofies!

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