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A discussion on femdom porn


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I've noticed that there is a lot of femdom stuff on the internet nowadays. Sites like clips4sale.com and manyvids have a lot of amateur-ish femdom type content. There are also a lot of dominatrix type women on Twitter. I'd like to just ask some questions about what people think about it...

 

Firstly, if it's clearly popular, what do you think the appeal of femdom actually is?

 

As far as I can see, the mainstream porn industry seems to be slowing down. Less films are being made now. There are obvious reasons for this - piracy, free tube sites and of course the huge amount of porn videos out there already. So demand is lower. When everyone can get free porn, few people pay for it.

 

But these amateur-type things are booming. These sites often involve tailor made porn clips. You can order custom videos. And you can interact with the women who make them. This stuff is much bigger than it used to be. Traditionally porn was about men dominating women, now increasingly it's about women dominating men.

 

Now I'm not into any of this stuff myself but I'm aware that there's a lot of stuff like this out there. Examples would include:

 

  • Small penis humiliation
  • Cuckolding
  • Forced feminization
  • Forced bi
  • Financial domination (a big one, the basis of the fetish is that the male submissive gives the female domme the money in exchange for nothing)
  • CFNM (clothed female naked male)
  • Ball busting
  • Ass whipping
  • Male chastity devices (plastic device that locks round the penis)
  • Pegging (woman uses a strapon dildo to fuck a man in the ass)

 

There are also a million and one other variants and fetishes and situations that arouse people, far too many to list here (I listed some of the main ones).

 

Now, the big question is, WHAT is the appeal of this stuff?

 

What I suspect, is that it's the same as with white men masturbating to black men fucking white women: it's a kind of sexual masochism. And the root cause is probably low self-esteem.

 

Basically, a male will consider himself to be unworthy of having sex with a woman, but he still has a sex drive. Because he feels unworthy, he cannot imagine himself having sex with a woman, so instead he will sexualise his own feelings of worthlessness. Which are then lived out in 'femdom' fantasies or situations.

 

Maybe I've answered my own questions here, but I would like other opinions. Why do you think this stuff is popular? It's NOT psychologically healthy to have these weird fantasies, and I wonder why people have them.

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36 minutes ago, infrared_radiation said:

Basically, a male will consider himself to be unworthy of having sex with a woman, but he still has a sex drive. Because he feels unworthy, he cannot imagine himself having sex with a woman, so instead he will sexualise his own feelings of worthlessness. Which are then lived out in 'femdom' fantasies or situations.

 

Maybe I've answered my own questions here, but I would like other opinions. Why do you think this stuff is popular? It's NOT psychologically healthy to have these weird fantasies, and I wonder why people have them.

i think it's some sort of psychological "defense mechanism". i put that in quotes because i wish the bloody brain would just let things take their natural course without interfering with so called defense mechanisms that cause much more harm than good (if any).

 

 

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I don't know too much about defense mechanisms, but I thought they were kind of the opposite of what you describe.

 

Another aspect of it is that some of the biggest fans of femdom are so-called "powerful" males (rich businessmen with stressful jobs, etc) who enjoy it not only because it gives them a chance to "de-stress" but also escapism and gives them a chance to feel powerless when they are used to feeling powerful. Or something like that.

 

I personally would argue that no matter how powerful they feel, they have ZERO power from an evolutionary perspective, no matter how much money they have or how good their job is.

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Just now, Victimorthecrime said:

I read a book by a psychologist called "Aroused" and basically he states that anything that stirred up strong emotions in us during childhood and adolescence has the potential to be eroticized. Mother, teacher, popular girls all hold power over us while growing up and a lot of feelings tied up in this. 

 

Is that not kind of getting into Freudian territory there?

 

I'll be honest, I never really had those feelings when I was growing up about women and girls to any particular great extent. Why? Because I was too much of an individualist to care what other people thought. Even a loner. So never really gave a fuck. Was never really sexually jealous at all much when I was younger or anything like that.

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6 hours ago, infrared_radiation said:

I don't know too much about defense mechanisms, but I thought they were kind of the opposite of what you describe.

one would think they'd be the opposite, but i think the way the brain works is really screwed up. i would even go as far as to call them "offense mechanisms".

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  • 2 weeks later...

i don't know.

this part of the article made me laugh:

Quote

Males are built to scan the environment for sexual objects; females, by contrast, are programmed to resist and escape from sexual encounters for a good part of the time.

and i don't think i agree with the "for a good part of the time" part.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 3/4/2016 at 1:25 PM, infrared_radiation said:
  • Small penis humiliation
  • Cuckolding
  • Forced feminization
  • Forced bi
  • Financial domination (a big one, the basis of the fetish is that the male submissive gives the female domme the money in exchange for nothing)
  • CFNM (clothed female naked male)
  • Ball busting
  • Ass whipping
  • Male chastity devices (plastic device that locks round the penis)
  • Pegging (woman uses a strapon dildo to fuck a man in the ass)

Now, the big question is, WHAT is the appeal of this stuff?

As someone who falls into versions of these first two categories, I can explain at least my appeal.  Since my middle school locker room days, I have suffered significant insecurities about the size of my penis. My first couple of relationships made it worse, but my current wife is extremely understanding and supportive. 

Without going through the long, multi-decade history building up to where I am today, I'll just jump to the current and explain my situation and what my appeal is. 

I am married and I share my wife, basically watching her with other men. So that is the cuckolding part. The only version of the small penis humiliation is that it's even better if the guy is larger and better than me. I am not into the humiliation thing where she talks down to me about my size and how much bigger or better he is. 

So here is what the appeal is for me.  I get incredibly excited to see her pleased. I love my wife and it is incredibly exciting and powerful to know that I am able to let her enjoy sex with other men. I get the excitement of watching porn, but it's live. I get the excitement of watching my wife pleased, but with the added excitement that comes with a new/different partner. I get the excitement of having sex with my wife (I participate with her either after or during as she does oral on one and is having sex with the other). The combination of all those together literally makes the sex 10 times better for me. No exaggeration.  In one of our experiences, I orgasm five times in a 10 hour period, in which I spent 6-7 of the hours sleeping. Nothing else has come close to that.  He was very skilled, and watching her have multiple orgasms was surreal. The only reason I prefer someone bigger is I know that's another part of the pleasure I can't give her. 

So here is the negative side. It takes an incredibly strong relationship for it to work, IMO. After the sex is done, it is very easy to allow jealousy and insecurity to creep into my head. It's easy to worry about things like "will she fall in love with him." It would become a self fulfilling prophecy if I let it. It's worked for us and actually worked incredibly well, greatly improving our relationship in a lot of areas. As someone who didn't like to talk about my feelings, that all changed when we started considering this as we had to talk through it before, during and after. These new communications skills spill over into other aspects of our relationship. 

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Wow tcnewexp you story is a testimony to the power of agreement.  You and your wife have made an agreement and you both honor it. Life works to the extent that you keep your agreements and you have done this by "talking through it before, during, and after".  You are absolutely right when you say those skills carry over to other aspects of the relationship.  The reason is trust: you and your wife each know you honor your word. 

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7 minutes ago, Victimorthecrime said:

Wow tcnewexp you story is a testimony to the power of agreement.  You and your wife have made an agreement and you both honor it. Life works to the extent that you keep your agreements and you have done this by "talking through it before, during, and after".  You are absolutely right when you say those skills carry over to other aspects of the relationship.  The reason is trust: you and your wife each know you honor your word. 

Thank you. We have learned to fully trust each other. It didn't happen over night. I may have made it seem easier than it was. I really struggled after our first time. Would have waves of thoughts that I opened Pandora's box. We discussed those feelings a lot and it was hard on her to see me struggle through those insecurities. We ruled it out for a while.  The fact that she could take it or leave it so easily based on my feelings helped a lot. Fast forward a few years and its great. 

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