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goodbye god


robert
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i wouldn't call going through life with a small penis "living" i call it just "existing". i would like to think one day that our lives would get better, but i'd be a liar if i said it would......at least in my situation. i find myself questioning my purpose for being here, and i couldn't find one logical reason for my existence. i once believed in god until i had to come back to reality and accept life for what it is. i used to blame god for my misfortunes, until i had to accept that he was never there. nor has he ever been. belief in god used to give me comfort through all of my hardships even the times when i wanted to die. i've come to the conclusion that there isn't a god. my situation and everyone else's is simply by "chance" no one has a choice in how they are born,who they are born to, when they are born or where they are born. at this point in my life i don't really feel like living much anymore. i thought things would be better by now, but they are not. i'm just so tired mentally and physically, i just wish our situation didn't have to be like this. my belief was all i had despite my personal problems....... i have nothing now. god you really let me down.

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Honestly fear stops me from killing myself. @rogerjay you haven't done anything wrong and I do not want you to leave. Its just life for me at this point really sucks.  I just have no more fight left in me, and each day its getting more difficult for me. Next month I'll be 28 yrs old and I don't see my life improving.  The worst part about it is if I happen to muster up enough courage to commit suicide my body wouldn't be discovered for days simply for the fact that I have no one. Basically I'm alone, my family is not that close anymore, neither do I have any friends. I've tried being up beat and tried to be positive. I just don't know anymore I question my existence everyday 

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Robert, sorry to read about your loss of faith and the feeling that you have nothing now.  A belief in God is a very personal decision. As someone who has struggled with the question of if there is a higher power for most of my life, I understand your battles.  I hope you find reasons to keep going.  

You are correct in that we don't have a choice in how we are born.  And it does seem so unfair in so many ways. I personally don't believe in God as mainstream religions worship, such as the bible. That doesn't mean I rule out the possibility of a higher power. Personally, I view life as a quest to constantly learn, and if I learn what I should, I will continue to become a stronger and better person. So basically, that there is always something to be learned with every situation and person that impacts our life, no matter how bad and difficult it is. Maybe its my way of trying to see the silver lining in bad situations. Was I put into those situations by a higher power to learn the lessons I need?  Is it just random? I tend to believe it's by design, but that's just me. 

Even though I don't know you personally, I encourage you to keep going. I would guess that fear is not the only factor in keeping you from ending your life and that you would have to muster up enough courage. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to just keep going, even when we feel like it's hopeless. To express your fears and feelings is courageous itself. 

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5 hours ago, robert said:

Honestly fear stops me from killing myself. @rogerjay you haven't done anything wrong and I do not want you to leave. Its just life for me at this point really sucks.  I just have no more fight left in me, and each day its getting more difficult for me. Next month I'll be 28 yrs old and I don't see my life improving.  The worst part about it is if I happen to muster up enough courage to commit suicide my body wouldn't be discovered for days simply for the fact that I have no one. Basically I'm alone, my family is not that close anymore, neither do I have any friends. I've tried being up beat and tried to be positive. I just don't know anymore I question my existence everyday 

Hmm, think there are many issues in your life that are all coming at you at the same time. Trying to be upbeat sometimes doesn't help alot. You need to persevere to work through the issues. 

I believe in 100% God, 100% man. Means I see issues in my life, I pray for God's help and at the same time I will find ways to work at it until things changes.

I've read some motivational books that says we are what we choose to be. Happy or not happy.

All that said. I don't think I'm such a happy person. Life still poses me with plenty of issues. I can only tackle them one at a time and keep praying and believing.

 

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1 hour ago, Gryphon said:

I've read some motivational books that says we are what we choose to be. Happy or not happy.

don't believe everything you read. any idiot can write a "motivational book". writing something that can be validated and substantiated, however, is another matter. it's easy for people with bearable circumstances to say meaningless drivel such as, "we are what we choose to be", or "we choose whether to be happy or not" and so on; but those with unbearable circumstances know otherwise.

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19 minutes ago, Resolute said:

don't believe everything you read. any idiot can write a "motivational book". writing something that can be validated and substantiated, however, is another matter. it's easy for people with bearable circumstances to say meaningless drivel such as, "we are what we choose to be", or "we choose whether to be happy or not" and so on; but those with unbearable circumstances know otherwise.

I agree that lots of idiots write stuff that is pure junk. However it has always fascinated me how people with similar circumstances can sometimes have such differences in both outlook and how they describe it. I agree though that its nearly impossible to truly understand how it is to be in unbearable circumstances unless you have experienced it.

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21 minutes ago, tcnewexp said:

I agree that lots of idiots write stuff that is pure junk. However it has always fascinated me how people with similar circumstances can sometimes have such differences in both outlook and how they describe it. I agree though that its nearly impossible to truly understand how it is to be in unbearable circumstances unless you have experienced it.

i've said it before and i'll say it again, no two situations are identical (it's logically impossible). you might say that they can be very similar, to which i'll respond: that is practically impossible, not to mention irrelevant. without getting into too much detail and technical jargon, let me just give a little example; two parallel lines will have the exact same distance from each other no matter how long they extend. however, if they weren't completely parallel (even an angle of 0.000000001 degrees) would result in a huge difference in the distance between them given sufficient extension. the same principle applies to everything, including people and circumstances.

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17 hours ago, robert said:

Honestly fear stops me from killing myself. @rogerjay you haven't done anything wrong and I do not want you to leave. Its just life for me at this point really sucks.  I just have no more fight left in me, and each day its getting more difficult for me. Next month I'll be 28 yrs old and I don't see my life improving.  The worst part about it is if I happen to muster up enough courage to commit suicide my body wouldn't be discovered for days simply for the fact that I have no one. Basically I'm alone, my family is not that close anymore, neither do I have any friends. I've tried being up beat and tried to be positive. I just don't know anymore I question my existence everyday 

You are in pretty much the same situation I'm in. Only I have about 30 years on you. If you feel this way now just wait till you get to my age. I was thinking the same thing the other day about how long it would be until someone discovered my body if I did kill myself. Depends where I did it I suppose. I can't think of one single reason to be alive.

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11 hours ago, Resolute said:

i've said it before and i'll say it again, no two situations are identical (it's logically impossible). you might say that they can be very similar, to which i'll respond: that is practically impossible, not to mention irrelevant. without getting into too much detail and technical jargon, let me just give a little example; two parallel lines will have the exact same distance from each other no matter how long they extend. however, if they weren't completely parallel (even an angle of 0.000000001 degrees) would result in a huge difference in the distance between them given sufficient extension. the same principle applies to everything, including people and circumstances.

I can't and won't argue with that as I agree. However, I believe there is something to be learned from how people react to situations. if the situations are significantly different, there is little to be learned when comparing. The more similar they are, the more relevance they have to each other. For example, if two people witness the exact same incident (a murder), the point of view will undoubtedly be different from their specific locations, what they were doing, state of mind, etc. But that doesn't mean there isn't something to be learned from comparing the differences in reactions.  

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7 hours ago, tcnewexp said:

I can't and won't argue with that as I agree. However, I believe there is something to be learned from how people react to situations. if the situations are significantly different, there is little to be learned when comparing. The more similar they are, the more relevance they have to each other. For example, if two people witness the exact same incident (a murder), the point of view will undoubtedly be different from their specific locations, what they were doing, state of mind, etc. But that doesn't mean there isn't something to be learned from comparing the differences in reactions.  

one can keep learning till they're blue in the face, but that won't change anything.

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29 minutes ago, Resolute said:

one keep learning till they're blue in the face, but that won't change anything.

That truly made me laugh. I do a lot of stuff until I'm blue in the face. I'm stubborn as hell!!!! But I think if we understand why we act the way we do, it can help us process things better and maybe deal with things better. Just me. Like I said, I'm stubborn! I refuse to accept that I can't do something, or at least do it better.  So many times my reactions are less than ideal, for both me and people around me. When the emotions subside, I spend at least a full week analyzing why I did what I did. Makes me feel like I'm doing something that "could" avoid a repeat. Don't ask me my success rate. 

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Robert, I'm sorry you feel so sad. :icon_cry: What would it take, do you think, for you to feel hope again? You mentioned having no friends. Is there opportunity in your life to meet people? I think when there is depression, it can feel impossible to take action or even get moving. :( The comfort of people who care can mean a lot. I'm sorry there is no one there with you in person right now. We care about you, Robert. :sad_huggy:

Is there a way to reconnect with your faith? Did something happen to cause you to not believe in God any longer?

Wishing you a serene day.

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I've never believed in "god", but I am open to ideas. There's something different within lifeforms. It comes from somewhere, even if you minimize it down to the smallest possible scientific ideas. There is a force, a reason, a cause, something that transcends mere matter.

Idk, sorry my unhelpful post.

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Actually Robert, at times like now I do feel like u do, I ask God, isn't having a small penis sad enough. Why is it that I'm now married and have the perform my role as a husband and dad and yet I'm not getting sex for 10 years. And I kept trying and kept getting rejected. I wish at times like this He would take me home. So I do not have to suffer this pain. Right now I can just pray...

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Well having a small Dick is a pretty horrible thing to deal with. I have made a little progress in terms of dealing with myself but the small penis problem is still a stabbing issue. 

 

Robert, if I remember correctly you mentioned some time ago that you're a music creator and that you feel better when you're making music. Ever thought of taking that further? Doing something more with your music, whatever that may mean to you. I've taken my passion for music further by seeing a proffesional dj, he had a listen to some of my music and he liked what he heard. In fact he just finished mixing one of my tracks so I'm going to have a listen to it today. I'm planning on going further and getting my music technology diploma and perhaps thereafter my BSc. 

 

I don't have friends either but I try to treat everyone I meet well, I notice my colleagues , well some of them anyway, enjoy my company. It used to be that I thought NO ONE likes me nor enjoys my company. I still get that from time to time I must say, but it's not as bad as it used to be. My main priority at the moment, my primary focus, is my music, and out of that focus it would seem some sort of healing is taking place. I love creating music. I love it more than half naked girls apparently. I didn't go into it because of the "glamour" . I'm genuinely intrigued by sound and music.

 

As for girls and dating, I think I'm currently on the right healing parth and as I grow I'll consider putting myself out there, right now I'm just watching myself grow from strength to strength.

 

I've gone through the self-hate, self-harm and suicidal spirals. I went for years without a decent job. Been fat and unhealthy for quiet a while. Thought myself to be stupid (as in genuine, out and out dim-wittedness. I still struggle with this) and undesirable most of my life. I'm 29 years of age today and life has just gone by. Most of those 29 years have not been happy years. I can barely remember the good parts of my life. But right now non of that matters. 

 

Try to focus on what builds you, not what breaks you, and hopefully that will change how you see yourself. It's a slow process, well it is for me, but it's worth it.

I don't know if any of what I've written is relevant to you but I hope it helps, even just a little bit.

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30 minutes ago, RogerJay said:

The thing to be really worried about are broads who don't do underwear - as anyone who has seen the film 'Basic Instinct' will appreciate!

that's definitely hot.

 

30 minutes ago, RogerJay said:

(Boy was Sharon Stone smoking hot in that movie! :P)

indeed she was. i wouldn't have thought that you'd think so tho (seeing how she was above 20 lol).

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i still have a passion for music, but not like i used to. my love for creating music is for the most part gone. i get no joy from it anymore. I've just completely forgot about women, i don't care anymore. the only time i think about women is when i look at porn. i'm not really interested in anything these days i'm really bored with life.

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