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Consciousnesses


Lostone56
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Where do I go from here now ? When I look back in the past . Everything that went wrong I can't change. I can't blame God for my mistake when I was a child . I wasn't conscious . Wisdom  came too late . It's difficult to ignore being ridicule and rejected ( scorned )  by both male and female . This isn't what I had planned .  I can't Tuck in my shirt .I barely can find a pants to wear because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Trapped because of my deformity . being laughed at on bus by the crowd of people  and everywhere I go I can't co-op with life much more !! What choice do I have when clearly some says to another they should of made it into a girl instead because they can't see my penis or a girl saying he she . why is it that everyone knew something I didn't the boys I grew up with and the people I was around knew something was going wrong for me but no one said anything to educate  me . I can clearly remember the way they looked at my crutch . my friend had ask me why is your penis small.my stupid reply was because my zipper was small lol .Nah it because of the wrong things I did too early in my life . That was as the answer i should of given back then . He was 3 years younger than me then . He made it through puberty I didn't . My hearts hurting me I don't know what to do any more :'( my mind took too long develop and understand everything by the time I realized I had f#@% everything up there was no going back to fix what I had done . I try to avoid friends and stay away from other now :'(  what really puzzles me is why didn't my parents step in to prevent this . All they did was laughed about it . My childhood destroyed my teenage years and my adult hood :'( 

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 I was the one who ripped off the important part of my penis too early when I was a kid  . that's what I did wrong early in life . I shouldn't of been thinking about sex. What triggered this was seeing it on TV . I remember when my neighbors 18 yr old son had brought down my pants when I was 5 yrs old  and wanted to put his penis where it didn't belong :'(  I remember clearly talking a walk to the hospital when I was 13 and had asked the doctor for a way to end my life because I knew I had destroyed the development of penis. 

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10 hours ago, Lostone56 said:

 I was the one who ripped off the important part of my penis too early when I was a kid  . that's what I did wrong early in life . I shouldn't of been thinking about sex. What triggered this was seeing it on TV . I remember when my neighbors 18 yr old son had brought down my pants when I was 5 yrs old  and wanted to put his penis where it didn't belong :'(  I remember clearly talking a walk to the hospital when I was 13 and had asked the doctor for a way to end my life because I knew I had destroyed the development of penis. 

Wait!! there's an important part of the penis? nobody told me. Which part would that be?

How did you rip it off?

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I masterbated too much and the attachment started coming off . This part is attached to the head of the penis clearly visible to the eye . It's responsible for the growth. The attachment at the back came of when I had sex with a girl one time . if u look at your finger nail an imagine the forskin over it .the nail would be the important part that I took off too early and finger the penis . it weakend me I couldn't kick a football from the goal to the other half of the field. When my aunt found out a wasn't developing she made sure her son never masterbated by being there for him when he showered. Each time I saw it was coming off . I regret the past . all I needed was for them to put a stop to what ever was going through my child mind . I wasn't addicted . just pick up a bad habit. dad has a 14 " penis I saw wen I was kid it was at the knee. 

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