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Living in shame


Joesmoe
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I'm sure everyone gets tired of seeing posts like this, but it's different when you're the one dealing with it. I'm a big guy at 6'1 and around 230lbs. I have big hands and big feet. I'm pretty muscular for someone who is almost 21. All these things wouldn't lead you to believe that I actually have a poorly endowed penis. My penis is 4 inches on a good day. It looks like a baby penis on me. I didn't realize I was small until I was 17 and a half. I've never had a girlfriend or actual relationship. The few sexual encounters I've had, while dating others, end terribly. I've never felt so much shame, embarrassment and anger in my life. It sucks. I've spent way too many hours googling and researching different things to help me. It doesn't help. It doesn't help that I still wake up with my little penis. It doesn't make the terrible moments that happened to me better. I've heard the "people that do that are shallow and mean" excuse, but let's be honest. It's not their fault for wanting a little more. I'm still a virgin and I don't see myself being sexually active for a long time. I can talk to girls and guys easily. I can't talk to a girl that I like because I feel like I'm leading them on for disappointment. I'm not happy with my small penis so I know that the girl wouldn't be. It's like you're setting them up. I know I'm small so I shouldn't be going out to find someone to feel let down because they're with a small guy again. I don't hate my life. I just feel lonely at times. I don't like find girls attractive anymore because the first thing that pops into my mind is  "look how nice they are and pretty" why would I try to make them accept me when I can't except myself? I replay my embarrassing moments from time to time and wonder if I should've apologized or let the girl know before hand. Everything is great and I'm awesome and all that, but then it's like boom and now I'm more of a friend and bye. I'm very quite about my sexual life because it doesn't exist and I'm embarrassed about it. I'm comfortable with everything else about me, but that. It's tough. It makes me laugh in disbelief that I'm just so small. It looks funny. It's funny until I realize everything in reality. I'm tired of always hearing it doesn't matter or you'll be liked because of the person you are. Sexual comparability is huge for a relationship. I can't be confident about a really small dick. I feel terrible, if a girl things I'm attractive. It's so misleading. I know this is all terrible and I shouldn't think like this. I promised I'd never be embarrassed like I have in past experiences. It's easier to just be alone. You just get days where it's really hard to push on. I can't even imagine being married or having kids. That all requires me to get over my penis. It's selfish though to like make someone deal with this. How's it fair to be in a relationship or married to someone who you can't satisfy? Yes, I can do a lot of other things, but it's not the same. That's like being in a really expensive sports car. You can sit in every seat, but you're not allowed to drive it. This just eats at me. I try to accept being alone, but it's hard. I just wish that like I could get over this. That I was average. It just looks so bad every time I see it. One look and you can just see. It makes me wonder if something went wrong during my development. It just sucks. Idk. I hate this. If you've read all of this, thanks for taking the time to do so. Sorry this was kinda long. 

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  • 1 year later...

I feel your pain, believe me! as i am getting older, and more disabled physically and mentally i begin  to realize that all my life this has been a driving force pushing me away from not only sex but causing me to hide and reject intimacy from men and women and creating a depression and isolation that is difficult to even explain. I am diagnosed with severe depression ptsd, and still to this day cant even talk to my shrinks about this for sheer embarrassment. I guess i am lucky in one way, i never really had an envy issue, more of an admiration of other men and perhaps an unhealty obsession with the male body i would never have... Im sorry if this isnt helpful, it is just reality for me... For me though, i wish i had had the bravery to follow through with some of the oppourtunities i was too afraid of... My fears cost me dearly, intimacy, family due to mental issues, severe bipolar depression etc, ptsd etc... I wish you well... but by no means is their a magical fix for you or society's obsessions with perfection. 

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Your post was a concise summary of most people in the SPS forum, it's catch 22 at its most cruel. I know how you feel about not wanting to burden a potential partner with your issues, but ultimately that's a decision only they can make. But, as I'm sure you're aware SPS can be a cancer that eats your mind from the inside out and leaves you feeling like a husk of a man, but don't give up hope. In my teens/twenties I would never have expected to meet my wife and have kids, but life has a way of happening while you're not looking. Your sports car analogy is spot on to be fair, I've felt like that and it's an awful prospect. 

I only started to come around once I'd accepted myself and decided to have my own back. This wasn't permanent, I have to keep having my own back and remembering that I don't deserve to be in pain and suffering is just not worth the effort. As much as it pains you, the truth is you might just have to become very advanced in every other seat in the car, and unlike the analogy, you don't have to be a passenger in the relationship. You sound like a good guy, you don't deserve to be lonely, but if that's what's happening right now then so be it, just try to be a friend to yourself. If it was your child with a small penis, you'd love him regardless, you have to kind of accumulate that feeling towards yourself. 

But you're among friends here, keep the faith and just know you're not alone ☮

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  • 1 year later...
On ‎5‎/‎24‎/‎2016 at 2:18 PM, Joesmoe said:

I'm sure everyone gets tired of seeing posts like this, but it's different when you're the one dealing with it. I'm a big guy at 6'1 and around 230lbs. I have big hands and big feet. I'm pretty muscular for someone who is almost 21. All these things wouldn't lead you to believe that I actually have a poorly endowed penis. My penis is 4 inches on a good day. It looks like a baby penis on me. I didn't realize I was small until I was 17 and a half. I've never had a girlfriend or actual relationship. The few sexual encounters I've had, while dating others, end terribly. I've never felt so much shame, embarrassment and anger in my life. It sucks. I've spent way too many hours googling and researching different things to help me. It doesn't help. It doesn't help that I still wake up with my little penis. It doesn't make the terrible moments that happened to me better. I've heard the "people that do that are shallow and mean" excuse, but let's be honest. It's not their fault for wanting a little more. I'm still a virgin and I don't see myself being sexually active for a long time. I can talk to girls and guys easily. I can't talk to a girl that I like because I feel like I'm leading them on for disappointment. I'm not happy with my small penis so I know that the girl wouldn't be. It's like you're setting them up. I know I'm small so I shouldn't be going out to find someone to feel let down because they're with a small guy again. I don't hate my life. I just feel lonely at times. I don't like find girls attractive anymore because the first thing that pops into my mind is  "look how nice they are and pretty" why would I try to make them accept me when I can't except myself? I replay my embarrassing moments from time to time and wonder if I should've apologized or let the girl know before hand. Everything is great and I'm awesome and all that, but then it's like boom and now I'm more of a friend and bye. I'm very quite about my sexual life because it doesn't exist and I'm embarrassed about it. I'm comfortable with everything else about me, but that. It's tough. It makes me laugh in disbelief that I'm just so small. It looks funny. It's funny until I realize everything in reality. I'm tired of always hearing it doesn't matter or you'll be liked because of the person you are. Sexual comparability is huge for a relationship. I can't be confident about a really small dick. I feel terrible, if a girl things I'm attractive. It's so misleading. I know this is all terrible and I shouldn't think like this. I promised I'd never be embarrassed like I have in past experiences. It's easier to just be alone. You just get days where it's really hard to push on. I can't even imagine being married or having kids. That all requires me to get over my penis. It's selfish though to like make someone deal with this. How's it fair to be in a relationship or married to someone who you can't satisfy? Yes, I can do a lot of other things, but it's not the same. That's like being in a really expensive sports car. You can sit in every seat, but you're not allowed to drive it. This just eats at me. I try to accept being alone, but it's hard. I just wish that like I could get over this. That I was average. It just looks so bad every time I see it. One look and you can just see. It makes me wonder if something went wrong during my development. It just sucks. Idk. I hate this. If you've read all of this, thanks for taking the time to do so. Sorry this was kinda long. 

Nobody gets tired of it. We all are living it everyday dude, and this is a place where everyone will always be supportive. SPS is infectious, and everything you're feeling and experiencing is what most of us feel. I've been dealing with SPS for 13 years, and it has been like a traumatizing rollercoaster ride, and it has infiltrated every aspect of my thoughts. Thoughts that range from goals, desires, relationships, jobs, etc. There are men who don't know what it's like to have a small penis, and those guys will throw out some wishy washy response "Dude, get over it, and go for it" with such ease, or women who are your friends and nothing more, giving the pity speech or the old kindergarten try, "It will be okay. You'll find someone who'll appreciate you." You know god damn well that woman is just bullshitting, I'm not here to bullshit you. Like I said, it's like being on a fucking rollercoaster for 13 years. You don't know when you're getting off. SPS had created so much this self hate within me that up until last year, I had myself convinced for a bit, that it would be easier to try my luck as a woman. I was like "Being a transgender lesbian wouldn't be bad," even though I identify with being a man. I shit you not, it was that severe. My whole sound but irrational logic was that a woman would finally accept me for who I am. I'm glad I didn't go that route though, because it's not who I really am and the reason why I'm having a hard time accepting myself is because a string of women couldn't accept me. I got sick of that. I got sick of women being walking contradictions with their ads and commercials on being body shamed by men when you know damn well those same women are shaming guys for their sizes. A lot of this attributes from neo-feminists, but that's a story for another time. My point is your situation sucks as is mine, and other guys on here. You're not alone. Just don't settle for anything because a woman tries to make you feel inferior about your penis. By all logical, a man shouldn't be measured by his penis but that of his character, and the path he forges ahead. Unfortunately, we live in a materialistic society where, because of  neo-feminists, penis sizes are important and is a must a have, like a jacuzzi in the middle of the ghetto. All I can say is this: Learn to love yourself first. Take your penis out of the decision-making, and ask how much are you willing to endure. If you want a relationship really bad then prepare yourself for the levels of discord that women will put you through as well as the feeling that you somehow jipped them or false advertised to them. If you do manage to find a woman who accepts you for your entirety then that's great, but just know that if you're not jumping through hoops for them, and you get too comfortable and secure with yourself then they'll start to look elsewhere. Frankly, women who feel that they're settling for a man with a small penis, will constantly, in a indirect way, let that guy know she's settling for him, and wants that guy to feel less than. 

I know you're expecting a pep rally or wise words but the truth is we're a percentage of a market that has to put a whole lot in to get, if lucky, half back. Just shift that hate from yourself to all the materialistic, neo-feministic, size queens that are out there. You do that by embracing yourself, loving yourself, and holding yourself to a higher standard. Sorry I jabbered on hahah. I have a lot to say about this. Keep your head up dude. 

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/24/2016 at 3:18 PM, Joesmoe said:

 If you've read all of this, thanks for taking the time to do so. Sorry this was kinda long. 

I see you haven't been back since 2016, so you probably aren't listening, but I notice that you give no information on how sex went for you when you tried, just that you were humiliated.

I'm only 3/8" bigger than you.  We have an actual handicap so it isn't sps or "small penis syndrome" with us.  I'll be blunt:  we can't really compete for the really hot, active girls.  We need to find and pursue women who primarily want a relationship and family and dislike the "hot date" scene.

We'd really have to get into the details of your experiences that have so discouraged you.

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On 2/27/2019 at 3:15 AM, lifelongvirgin said:

Not sure what neo feminists (whatever that is) have to do with this. I think the majority of women feel the same way about truly small penises (4" or less) and I doubt there are that many neo feminists or any kind of feminist for that matter.

Yeah, I think you are right on that.

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On 12/28/2018 at 6:09 PM, Desolate Ronin said:

I know you're expecting a pep rally or wise words but the truth is we're a percentage of a market that has to put a whole lot in to get, if lucky, half back. Just shift that hate from yourself to all the materialistic, neo-feministic, size queens that are out there. You do that by embracing yourself, loving yourself, and holding yourself to a higher standard. Sorry I jabbered on hahah. I have a lot to say about this. Keep your head up dude. 

I've had a number of what I thought would be permanent partners over the years, some quite small and others so called well hung.  Definitely, personality and character is more important.  Neither the proudly hung nor those plagued by inferiority feelings are ultimately tolerable.

I suggest rather than the focus on blaming women because some might have a size preference on the basis of feminism there should be some focus on the pathology of men wanting a big penis so they can feel powerful over a woman, especially a woman not used to their size.  It was pretty clear that some men want to hurt women with their penis and other ways too.  This gets just as ugly as a pathetic inferiority complex.  Really, penises aren't that different after an adjustment period.

 

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When I decided to go to bed with a guy (not his penis), I really did not focus on his penis.  I was looking for my kind of guy.

However, I will admit I would notice size to an extent, usually prior to intercourse when we were fooling around.  I might grasp his penis in my hand or suck it a little.  Those obsessed with penis size won't understand, but I was concerned with cleanliness, not size.  Frankly, I was relieved when guys were circumcised, also.  I never thought I wouldn't enjoy a penis in intercourse just because it was smaller in my hand than most.  I guess I was also judging how hard he got.  I be discouraged if a guy didn't get hard readily.

It was my impression that my vagina pretty much automatically adjusted to the size of penis that entered.  Again, my concern was that a man be considerate in entering my vagina.  Frankly, some weren't considerate and insertions could be quite painful, especially when the penis seemed especially large though a small one could hurt if I was dry also.  Fortunately, those guys who seemed to enjoy hurting me would orgasm very quickly, my signal to get dressed and get out of there.

All it took was gentle gradual entry waiting for lubrication to occur and we'd be off to the races.  Guys that got me good and wet with their fingers or tongue were on the right track.  They could dispense with gradual penetration.

Once we were doing it, pubic areas pounding and grinding on each other size didn't seem to be a big issue as far as I can remember.  During sexual stimulation, I really wasn't thinking of penis size.

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On 3/12/2019 at 11:26 PM, raritchie said:

Guys that got me good and wet

Maybe I've got this backwards, but "good and wet" meant I couldn't feel much of anything with my small penis and feared the woman couldn't either.  I could last a long time though in a dialated and juicy vagina and liked to think that at times, at least, the woman orgasmed at least clitorally from g-spot and clitoral friction as I rode high bumping pubic areas. 

If the woman didn't get juicy and was just a little slick it felt great but I would orgasm far too soon from the friction and then feel immediately bad the woman hadn't orgasmed.  I stopped asking if women orgasmed when some got angry about the question.  I never figured-out if the women were mad because I didn't know they orgasmed or because they didn't orgasm.  No woman ever said she orgasmed from by efforts though it was obvious some did from my oral ministrations.

I certainly never felt any contractions rumored to accompany vaginal orgasms.  I was never clear if I was too short to reach a deep trigger spot or too short to feel the contraction. 

Then there was the issue of repeat performance.  Let's just say I was "never up" for that.  Did the women want a repeat because I was good the 1st time or because they were unsatisfied and thought maybe I do better the 2nd time?  All I know is I never heard again from many woman that wanted a repeat performance.  I would totally lose interest and ability after I orgasmed.

Then, there was those women who wanted to try different positions next time, mostly position I couldn't do with a small penis!

Without drinking, I probably wouldn't have started or continued having sex.

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15 minutes ago, lbaker said:

Maybe I've got this backwards, but "good and wet" meant I couldn't feel much of anything with my small penis and feared the woman couldn't either.  I could last a long time though in a dialated and juicy vagina and liked to think that at times, at least, the woman orgasmed at least clitorally from g-spot and clitoral friction as I rode high bumping pubic areas. 

If the woman didn't get juicy and was just a little slick it felt great but I would orgasm far too soon from the friction and then feel immediately bad the woman hadn't orgasmed.  I stopped asking if women orgasmed when some got angry about the question.  I never figured-out if the women were mad because I didn't know they orgasmed or because they didn't orgasm.  No woman ever said she orgasmed from by efforts though it was obvious some did from my oral ministrations.

I certainly never felt any contractions rumored to accompany vaginal orgasms.  I was never clear if I was too short to reach a deep trigger spot or too short to feel the contraction. 

Then there was the issue of repeat performance.  Let's just say I was "never up" for that.  Did the women want a repeat because I was good the 1st time or because they were unsatisfied and thought maybe I do better the 2nd time?  All I know is I never heard again from many woman that wanted a repeat performance.  I would totally lose interest and ability after I orgasmed.

Then, there was those women who wanted to try different positions next time, mostly position I couldn't do with a small penis!

Without drinking, I probably wouldn't have started or continued having sex.

Most of guys I was involved with during my promiscuous period were bigger than average (I guess they tend to be more active in the pick-up bar scene), but I did have a number of smaller guys.  Admittedly only 1 was really up to it.  I never thought about all the issues above.

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  • 1 year later...
  • 1 month later...
On 7/13/2020 at 9:42 PM, Ace117 said:

I know  the feeling of  having a  baby  dicks  because after my prostate surgery mine  now looks like a kids  last girl threw me her panties and  told me to start smelling panties and  become  bi 

I'm old, so I really don't know how younger active women act now days.  Not the first time I've been told this sort of thing.

I think there is a battle of the sexes, but it might not be as subtle as it once was.  Today, I'm told an extreme "feminist" might (as above) enjoy brutally rejecting a small dick guy right up front the way men might enjoy rejected a woman he considers a "skank" or whatever. . .  all under the idea, "I have the right to my sexual satisfaction."

But the battle of the sexes seems to be the battle for dominance in the relationship:  who is going to be the dominant one?  In my day it played-out quite slowly.  Often the woman would draw you in by acting satisfied and submissive, faking orgasm, etc. only to gradually let you know you weren't making the grade, reject your dick and transition you to oral.

I don't want to give the impression I think all women are this way, however.  No doubt I attracted dominant women because of my less than masculine dominant personality and those women were prone to gradually weakening my false swaggering persona to make me submissive.

After quite a long time together, my most extreme girlfriend told me to "go down on her" so she could cum too.  From then on, she weaned me away from penis in vagina sex and basically refused to take my pleasure into account.  Finally, she revealed she needed other men for a good fuck now and then and even had sex with one of them in front of me.  She was very hot when dominant so I didn't object much until she took up with other guys.

She like the "kind of guy", but I wasn't enough sexually for her.  I never figured out for sure if she knew that all along or discovered it!

 

 

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On 3/16/2019 at 8:54 PM, Guest said:

Most of guys I was involved with during my promiscuous period were bigger than average (I guess they tend to be more active in the pick-up bar scene), but I did have a number of smaller guys.  Admittedly only 1 was really up to it.  I never thought about all the issues above.

Interesting, but it sounds to me like you never encountered 4" or less.  Some active guys think they are small at 6"

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  • 11 months later...
On 3/12/2019 at 9:26 PM, Guest said:

I guess I was also judging how hard he got.  I be discouraged if a guy didn't get hard readily.

That's another problem I have. I can't get erections and I have virtually no sexual experience and for a 62 year old guy I can't imagine what a woman would think once presented with these facts. Small penis that doesn't get hard and no experience. She's going to think "what the hell have I got myself into". It'll never happen though. My chance of ever having sex is gone now. I'm just waiting to die now so this hell can be over. I hate my life so much.

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On 7/21/2021 at 2:46 PM, Shrimp Fried Life said:

My chance of ever having sex is gone now. I'm just waiting to die now so this hell can be over. I hate my life so much.

During various periods of my life I had lot of sex both in and out of 2 marriages.  Due to my starkly "uncompetitive size" sex was always unsatisfactory to me and my partner except when providing one-sided oral.  Alcohol was always necessary for having sex, also, so I could tolerate the unpleasant feelings involved.  I continued defining insanity:  repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result.

I've often thought I'd have had a happier life if I had recognized at the outset I was uncompetitive as far as sex goes and just pursued and enjoyed other aspects of life.  Your post makes me consider, "maybe not."  

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