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interviews and books about (not only sibling) bullying/abuse


LaLa
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It's horrible how parents are stupid and often also "blind" and don't recognise what's happening... :( 

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/the-current-for-may-13-2016-1.3580576/sibling-bullying-has-the-greatest-impact-says-parenting-expert-1.3580656

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The kids are bickering and fighting at home — but when does sibling rivalry cross the line into bullying?

A growing body of research suggests that sibling bullying is an increasingly serious problem with consequences later in life:  distress, behaviour problems and also mental health issues.

"It's really important as parents that we recognize two kids fighting over a TV program they need to learn to handle it themselves. Bullying you stop," says parenting expert Barbara Coloroso, author of The Bully, The Bullied, and the Not so Innocent Bystander.

Coloroso points out the many different ways of bulling: roling eyes as a message of disdain, the shunning and exclusion of the sibling.

"Bullying is about getting pleasure from someone else's pain - from isolating them, verbally tormenting them or…physically assaulting them."

The initial pain of getting bullied may go away, says Coloroso. "But humiliation never goes away. And we now know that sibling bullying has the greatest impact."

Dieter Wolke, psychology professor at England's University of Warwick, was part of a study on sibling bullying published in Pediatrics in 2014.

He says that the research suggests that every week or several times a week, up to 50 per cent of siblings are involved in aggression against each other. 

"Those who were regularly bullied by siblings were twice as likely to develop clinically significant depression and anxiety disorder by 18 years of age."

In that study, about 7,000 children aged 12 were asked if they had experienced "a sibling saying hurtful things, hitting, ignoring or lying about them."They were then followed up at age 18 and asked about their mental health.

RELATED LINKS

♦ Bullying in the family : sibling bullying (2015)

 

Website of the author: http://www.kidsareworthit.com

Interviews with 3 listeners who commented on that program and then were willing to share their stories:

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/the-current-for-may-31-2016-1.3608620/the-not-so-safe-sanctuary-of-home-1.3608628

Available as podcasts, too: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/podcasts/current-affairs-information/the-current/

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The Current was moved by the outpouring of audience feedback and testimonials on this topic, and wanted to discuss in depth some of the harrowing stories shared with us. 

In this segment, Anna Maria Tremonti hosts a panel discussion on sibling bullying and its lasting effects. 

RELATED LINKS

Sibling bullying 'has the greatest impact,' says parenting expert

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Two other books and interviews about bullying (not by siblings this time):

 

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/the-current-for-june-13-2016-1.3632233/researcher-says-bullying-scars-into-adulthood-should-be-classified-as-syndrome-1.3632482

 

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The Current has looked into bullying in schools and communities, even the effects of bullying on siblings.

Now new research by Ellen deLara, author of Bullying Scars: The Impact on Adult Life and Relationships, suggests the impact of bullying follows many into adulthood and creates what she has coined Adult Post Bullying Syndrome. 

After interviewing people for her book, deLara noticed bully survivors share a collection of issues that aren't identified anywhere else. Her research shows Adult Post Bullying Syndrome hosts positive and negative traits.

"People stay in a poor relationship thinking they don't deserve any better," deLara said due to the low self-esteem and shame carried through adulthood. 

But deLara also adds positive traits of the syndrome include bully survivors taking control of their lives to avoid feeling helpless—finding inner strength and an enhanced moral development.

In 1971, Allen Kurzweil met his bully, Cesar Augustus, at the boarding school they both attended in Switzerland. Augustus left a powerful imprint on Kurzweil that led him to confront his bully years later. He chronicles the experience in his memoir, Whipping Boy: The Forty-Year Search for My Twelve-Year-Old Bully.

When Kurzweil met his bully, Cesar, to hold him to account he told host Anna Maria Tremonti, "Much to my surprise, he had no recollection of who I was." Although he adds Cesar later left an apology "of sorts" on voicemail excusing himself of anything he might have done.

Kurzweil says coming to terms with his trauma is largely due to seeing his experience as not a "wound" but a "scar." He adds that scars can be painfully but they also serve as a badge of what he has overcome. "What started out as a burden for me, turned out to be a blessing."

Bullying quoteboard

 

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No, fortunately not really. My experience with bullying was very mild, people called me names, "teased me", expressed hatred verbally, but when compared to "real" bullying, this wasn't even bullying. The only thing that influenced me relatively strongly for some years was that the boy (in our class) I had a crush on started to "bully" me after "receiving the info" (not from me, of course) that I was in love with him - he "couldn't stand it", so he was a bit mean to me (and it reinforced (or created?) my opinion that my love is disgusting, not worth to be received etc. - but I had some correcting experiences later in life, so I'm OK in this regard.

I'm interested in this topic not due to my experiences but because it's a big issue in mental health problems, it affects way more people we imagine, and I'm very interested in mental problems in general (= I like to read and listen many kind of literature and programs about it). And I share here what I find very insightful, hoping it could be useful/helpful for somebody (people interviewed in these interviews above also felt good when they learned stories and experiences of others, so...).

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I also recommend The Bully Society by Jessie Klein.  

This is one of the few books about bullying that i've ever read that really seemed to GET IT.   On almost every page of Ms. Klein's (very well-researched and well-documented) book, i kept feeling a flash of recognition as i read it: "yeah, that's RIGHT;" "yeah, this author really understands what's going on!"  The chapters about material possessions (fashion, cellphones, sneakers) are especially wrenching.  It's a long hard look into the black hole of evil in American schools.  Like Lord of the Flies but backed by statistics.

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I was bullied a lot in school pushed in the school pound and had my hair cut off, just to name a few times. I honestly just try to forget. There isn't much that I can do about the hatred of others, when I was younger. It got a lot better when I moved out of state for high school. Fashion, cellphone, shoes yeah thanks I might read that.

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