Jump to content
Mental Support Community

Please help


sunshinegladiator
 Share

Recommended Posts

So I have ptsd and bpd, this may help better understand this situtation.

 But I feel suicidal and have thoughts to self harm and have already self harmed .
 I don't know what to do anymore.

 I feel so alone and dead and useless and I think I should just not exist.

 I keep thinking of all the abuse I went through, keep having nightmares, every sound sends me into a panic attack and causes me to cry.

All that I have been pushing down keeps coming back up and I don't know what to do anymore. I am about to just give up. I have been trying to fight through this so fucking long and I dont know what to do. I feel like my family always wants me to be perfecct knowing my illnesses.

 I have expressed to them that this really makes living hard for me an they just keep saying to get through it but dont care to fucking listen in therapy sessions about my serious illnesses. I always feel like I am screaming and no one wil listen. I am begging for someone to listen to me because I am in so much fucking pain from this lifelong abuse I have had. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I just want to give up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hear you, Sunshinegladiator. I hear that you are tired and hurt and discouraged. I hear that you want to give up. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I'm sorry for your hurt and struggle. :( You have a voice and your feelings matter. I am here sitting with you and standing by you.

Are you able to find something to ground you during these difficult times? Perhaps hold something in your hands, take a few deep breaths and see if you are able to get some space from your feelings? Listen to your needs, if you can. How can you care for yourself now? 

My name is Beth. Welcome to our community.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like your screenname. :) There is both light and strength as well as some fight in that name. 

You don't sound pathetic. You were expressing your feelings and I think that is very important to do. I hope you can be gentle with yourself. This is hard. :( Have you worked with your therapist to learn new skills to help you cope during these times? How is your self talk?

I hope things feel more serene for you today.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, that was my intention with it, a little boost and hope for myself.

 I havent been able to see my therapist bc of financial reasons, least not in two weeks, but basically when we had talked he told me the same things that I always use. My self talk isnt doing so good but I am trying to distract myself to a safer place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello and welcome! :) 

i'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better again! But I know it's temporary; the problems didn't disappear and you'll need to be listened to again... We are here to listen and I hope you'll be able to see your therapist when you'll need it, too. At the same time, I believe it can get better - you won't feel like this all your life, you won't keep having the same panic attacks etc. It needs time and help (probably including finding the right medication), but it will get better...

 

12 hours ago, sunshinegladiator said:

I feel like my family always wants me to be perfecct knowing my illnesses.

 I have expressed to them that this really makes living hard for me an they just keep saying to get through it but dont care to fucking listen in therapy sessions about my serious illnesses. I always feel like I am screaming and no one wil listen.

It's unfortunate that your family doesn't understand and pushes you towards "an ideal" they imagine as "the goal" :( . I think it's because they want the best for you, want to help you, but don't have a clue; they don't know how it feels being you and what would help you and what's making you feeling even worse. Is there a possibility to "educate" them? Can they once come with you to your therapist, so he could mediate a better understanding? Or can you find some articles (or YT videos) showing and explaining how people with BPD (do you mean bipolar by this or borderline??) and PTSD feel and what they need? Here are a few links, but you can easily google more (/more appropriate-ones from your point of view):

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-in-the-family.htm

http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/partners.html

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/02/22/8-ways-to-help-your-bipolar-loved-one-cope/

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/bipolar-disorder/helping-a-loved-one-with-bipolar-disorder.htm

http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/factsheet/bipolar-disorder-effects-on-the-family

And here is a person who has an insightful blog about bipolar:

http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2010/05/natasha-tracy-author-breaking-bipolar-blog/

Do you know there is this very good method to heal trauma?

http://www.emdrhap.org/content/what-is-emdr/

i imagine it's not easily accessible "everywhere", but it's probably worth trying to search for opportunities where you live...

 

It's important for you to feel listened to and understood. It's not pathetic to need to express yourself. Do you feel your therapist isn't providing you this "listening and understanding"? Have you told him? I think it's important to discuss it, to let him help you better/more...

Take care and good luck!

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...