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I look terrible


Tina
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Dark body hair? Here are some options they make razors or you could just accept yourself, and understand you don't have control over that. Being "ugly" is a subjective term anyways, even the prettiest models can think they are ugly. Do you do anything that makes you feel better about yourself? Like working out, it's not really about getting fit, it's more about confidence. Do you have any hobbies that make you prideful. I am willing to bet some of your friends think they are ugly themselves. Ask them and you will see, or you can play a game and take turns saying what you like about each other. Like tell her I think your have a beautiful jawline and she might say she likes your hair or eyes, this is a confidence booster and a bonding activity. You might be surprised something you hate about yourself might be something someone admires about you. 

You don't need to be sorry, you don't ever need to be sorry for expressing your feelings. 

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What do you like about yourself, Tina? Are you able to connect with any inner qualities that help you feel your own light and beauty? I find any form of self expression helps me too. 

If you have excessive body hair in unusual places (face, back etc) in addition to weight issues and/or irregular cycles, I do recommend seeing a doctor to rule out a physical cause. If you have hair on your legs and under your arms, this is normal. If you feel uncomfortable with the hair, you can shave it off or use some kind of hair remover. 

I agree with Sed about expressing feelings. It's always okay to do that. We are here to support you.

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I also used to suppose I was ugly and disgusting "to everybody" (except family and close friends who were used to me). I don't like much how I look today either, but... I also know there are people who like me and there's no reason to care about the opinion of others. So, there are things one can accept about oneself. But there are others that one ca change. The tricky things are: 1) how to recognize what can be changed, 2) how to do it effectively without harming oneself. For instance, it could be good to loose some weight, but it can also be dangerous - in case you're doing it the wrong way: you may risk anorexia, unhealthy dieting and yo-yo effect, ... So; I wouldn't say you need to accept anything about you and not to change at all, but also that the way how you decide to change has to be well-thought, not "extreme", not unhealthy, ... Sorry for writing probably obvious stuff, but... sometimes it can help to hear it from someone else, not just from some inner voice ;) .

I hope you don't consider this (the remark above the video I posted yesterday and these cartoons) mocking; I only think humor can sometimes bring a better perspective. Or at least make us smile...

woman-life-comics-sarahs-scribbles-810__

woman-life-comics-sarahs-scribbles-971__

woman-life-comics-sarahs-scribbles-1922_

woman-life-comics-sarahs-scribbles-1171_

woman-life-comics-sarahs-scribbles-1361_

 

 

 

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On June 29, 2016 at 6:47 AM, Tina said:

I am sorry I am writing again. I am really sorry. I look disqusting. My face is ugly and weird-shaped while all my friends have beautifully-shaoed faces. My legs are disgusting. I have tons of really dark body hair.

Tina

Who told you your face is "ugly and weird-shaped"?  or that your legs are "disgusting"?

Did a friend tell you that?  I bet not.  A real friend wouldn't say such hurtful things.

Y'know who WOULD tell you that?  An enemy; a girl who wants to hurt you because she thinks hurting you will make her popular.

That girl isn't worth listening to, Tina.  If she has to hurt somebody to be popular, then she must not have very many good qualities herself.

 

Or could it be that nobody at all said it to you; could it be that this is just a thought that comes into your head by itself?  Or maybe comes into your head when you watch actresses on TV or YouTube?  

Your head is too young to know what's ugly, or weird-shaped, or normal-shaped, or disgusting.  That's why videos affect you; because you haven't been out in the world long enough to know what's normal.

Want to know what's normal?  You.

You, with that head, that face, that body hair, whatever you have.  It's normal.  And so are your pretty friends.

Hope you keep reading this Forum, so we can keep telling you that you're OK the way you are.

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Look I have tons of really dark body hair too on my legs. I think all girls have. They just remove it.I dont even shave my legs so much in winter, because I have too much other problems and working in lab makes me tired and I dont have time to think how I look. Well I never really cared so much how I look, but maybe its just me.So dont worry about it. If you have on your abdomen maybe you have hormonal disbalanse. I had some when I was a teneeger and doctor gave me pills and things became normal. And if somebody dont like how you look is their problem not yours.

Take care

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Lala. The first comic is very unrealistic! I'm finding it hard to find a good comparison, but what, let's say that's upto a month without shaving? If a man didn't shave his face for a month, and his partner didn't think it was "fuzzy" and cute,  I don't think that would qualify as a bad relationship. In fact, I'm sure people would be quite approving of her distaste for it, whilst quite outwardly worrying about the man's hygiene & grip on life & a  general cause for alarm. 

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26 minutes ago, Small said:

Lala. The first comic is very unrealistic!

i think it was just meant as a joke.

 

26 minutes ago, Small said:

I'm finding it hard to find a good comparison, but what, let's say that's upto a month without shaving? If a man didn't shave his face for a month, and his partner didn't think it was "fuzzy" and cute,  I don't think that would qualify as a bad relationship. In fact, I'm sure people would be quite approving of her distaste for it, whilst quite outwardly worrying about the man's hygiene & grip on life & a  general cause for alarm. 

i often go way more than a month without shaving/trimming (i keep a beard). i guess that would bring my hygiene and grip on life into question lol. of course considering all the other stuff i do/don't do, this is nothing. i suppose i should be setting off all sorts of alarms all over the place :D.

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Sorry Resolute!  No seriously, there's 2 variables that aren't constant with your case. Western standards typically require men to shave,  and the man in my example went from shaving regularly to immediately stopping. Not sure where you're from, but it sounds like you generally keep a beard anyway. I personally think beards are cool meh. 

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1 hour ago, Victimorthecrime said:

I hope you feel better about things Tina, you sound like a nice girl. I bet if you put your mind to it you could put together a nice look.  The way we appear to others comes in large part from the confidence we project. 

Some genuine constructive feedback.

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6 hours ago, Andromeda said:

Look I have tons of really dark body hair too on my legs. I think all girls have. They just remove it.I dont even shave my legs so much in winter, because I have too much other problems and working in lab makes me tired and I dont have time to think how I look. Well I never really cared so much how I look, but maybe its just me.

No, it's certainly not just you ;) ! I'm the same and the only reason why I care ("at least a bit, at least sometimes" :o ) is I'm married...

 

4 hours ago, Small said:

Lala. The first comic is very unrealistic! I'm finding it hard to find a good comparison, but what, let's say that's upto a month without shaving? If a man didn't shave his face for a month, and his partner didn't think it was "fuzzy" and cute,  I don't think that would qualify as a bad relationship. In fact, I'm sure people would be quite approving of her distaste for it, whilst quite outwardly worrying about the man's hygiene & grip on life & a  general cause for alarm. 

I have no idea what shaving has to do with hygiene! In fact, nothing. Washing is related to hygiene, but having hairs anywhere and/or a long beard (which probably makes you think of some homeless people and that's why you imagine it can't be clean (??)) doesn't make a difference. There are cultures where men don't shave all their lives and don't cut their hair and their women surely aren't disgusted. It seems to me it's just your American bias that makes you think hair(s) is/are disgusting and/or unclean.

To the joke I posted: I don't agree that the 1st case has to represent "a bad relationship" (but I still think it's good as a joke - but that's a personal sense of humor, not something to argue about, of course): I think there are people who have some, for instance, phobias or "personal distastes" (I don't know how to put it well, sorry) and when they can't accept something in a relationship, it doesn't make them automatically "a bad parter". So here I somewhat agree with you. But it's still strange to me that someone can in fact be disgusted by such a thing as hairy legs and even say so to his partner - instead, for instance, of politely telling her that (and even why) they would prefer her to shave. So... in fact, I'm changing my point: It IS "a bad relationship", but not because of the preference of the man, but because of his verbal reaction :P .

 

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Okay, well yeah it was unfair & naive of me to apply a mostly western norm to the rest of the world. By the way I was short of examples which is why I resorted to the beard. Again, I know it's normal for some cultures to have them and that's fine. Didn't mean to offend anyone. 

With that I'm bowing out of the discussion because I have nothing useful or helpful to say. Best of luck Tina! I'm sure you're much prettier than you think! Look into anti androgens they help with thick hair. 

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2 hours ago, Small said:

Sorry Resolute!  No seriously, there's 2 variables that aren't constant with your case. Western standards typically require men to shave,  and the man in my example went from shaving regularly to immediately stopping. Not sure where you're from, but it sounds like you generally keep a beard anyway. I personally think beards are cool meh. 

i'm such a catch! :P

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You look lovely silly :D 

Do you see a therapist or anything like that? It might help talking to a professional about the negative body issues you have. I hope you can see you are beautiful. 

 

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Tina, i'm not going to comment on your looks, because i'm a lot older than you so it would not be appropriate.

So i'll put it this way:  i think you could take the photo you posted here (or maybe a similar photo of yourself more dressed-up; not necessarily a lot of fussing with cosmetics or hair, just a nicer blouse, that's all) and you could post it on a site that your peers look at.  NOT on a dating site, as the males there will be older than you.  If your peers see that, my guess is, you will receive compliments.  In fact, even if you get no comments at all -- that would actually be GOOD news.  It would mean you are normal (what i wrote to you earlier; which is the main message i want to get across to you).

Best of luck to you, Tina.  I think you will find some nice friends out there amidst all the mean people.

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Tina, I think a lot of improvement can be made by relatively small changes. I would either wear a front fringe, or a side fringe, but wouldn't wear back your hair like that. Grow it out too, about chest length. That with a spot of makeup will take you off any "ugly lists" that I can concieve, so yeah. I recommend the front fringe though,  with a lot of length everywhere else. This should shorten the length of your face,  and you actually have potential with your chin; if you contour the bottom of it this should bring out that designer V shape that everyone seems to love,  whilst simultaneously removing more length. 

 

Disclaimer: Don't take makeup tips from me. 

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I'm glad you were so brave as to post your photo! Now we can tell you you're not ugly based on actual information, not just on our beliefs :) !

I wonder what makes you think you look like a murderer and the only thing that came to mind is that you probably think you have the "RBF" (BTW; I have it, too - I always look angry when "I'm neutral") - there's a lot about it on the web, here's just one article to illustrate: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2016/02/02/scientists-have-discovered-the-source-of-your-resting-bitch-face/

(There's also some humor about it, for instance: http://gomerblog.com/2016/06/resting-bitch-face/)

I don't think you'd need any changes. But it depends on your feelings. If you find a realistic way how to fell better about your look (by doing some subtle changes - as in the haircut, as Small suggested), then why not to experiment a bit. But... the most important change is; to smile more! To find more opportunities to smile but also to try to smile even when you don't have a "special reason" - a smile is the most beautiful on any face + it helps you to feel better, look:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201208/smile-your-way-out-stress

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/smile-it-could-make-you-happier/

Good luck! :) 

P.S.: @Small, sorry for not paying attention to your home country when writing that post :o ... And; I didn't want to give you a signal to stop posting here!! I'm sorry if I did :( .

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