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Hi, 

This is my first post ever to a forum like this ... kinda nervous!

I have discovered in the past 2 months that I am suffering quite badly from anxiety ... but the past few weeks it has gotten increasingly worse.  I'm 19 y/o and female.  The circumstances that have made it worse are these - I live with my boyfriend at uni, but I am home for summer now and I don't handle being away from him so well, I spent almost every day of the past year with him, and having to suddenly have that taken away is really hard for me, especially when our communication is limited due to the business of his life at home (he lives a 3 hour train journey away) - I'm constantly paranoid that he is becoming less interested in me, which I know isn't true! But this paranoia is something that I have found to come along with my anxiety.  I feel that it may be putting stress on our relationship, and yes we've discussed it and we've set some ground rules to help us, but I'm the kind of person who feels like I always mess things up, and this is the one thing I do not want to mess up as I feel it's the only thing I have right now (and it's kind of a perfect thing).

 

Most days are bad ... especially at nighttime, I don't have many friends, in fact I only have 2 including my boyfriend - therefore I feel bad constantly telling them about all of this... This is quite a long post and I didn't expect it to be so I'm just gonna sum up how I feel right now; I feel a heaviness in my chest yet an emptiness at the same time, I'm constantly worried about one thing or another, I feel sick quite a lot of the time, I cry myself to sleep most nights and I just feel bad about myself ... I should also probably add that I suffer from OCD, which I feel definitely doesn't help my anxiety ...

 

I'm planning to go to a doctor once I get back to uni but that's not for another month, so I was wondering if anyone on here would be able to help and give me ways to cope with this until that point?

 

Thank you :)

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Welcome to the community, Clairy. :) I'm sorry you have been feeling anxiety. That can be so tough to cope with. :(

Have you ever read anything about attachment and the different ways we attach in our relationships? This is a pattern of relating, coping, and getting our needs met that we learn early in life during our first relationships with our caretakers. Sounds as though you might be struggling with some anxiety around separation or fearing loss. I have struggled with that too at times and it can be challenging. How can you meet your needs during this time of being away from your boyfriend? Do you have a means of self comfort or do you use positive and encouraging self talk? It also has helped me to hold something of the person who is absent.

About relationships, I think that as much as we like someone and enjoy their company, it's always the other person's choice whether to stay or leave. It's okay to recognize a want for a relationship to continue and let go of the need to control the outcomes too...we can only manage our half of the relationship. Easier said than done, for sure. I hope you feel less stress around being away from your boyfriend. In the meantime, maybe you can connect with some new people and make new friends? 

If you are suffering from general anxiety, what has helped in the past? Deep breathing can help me to get some space from a feeling. How can you nurture yourself? Do you enjoy any hobbies? Does self expression help to clear your mind? Walks? exercise? 

Wishing you serenity, Clairy.

Edited by IrmaJean
Still can't type...
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Thank you so much for replying, it means a lot :)

I haven't actually read anything on attachment no but I might look into it! My boyfriend and I have discussed lots of ways to keep me going between our visits to see each other - we don't speak much unfortunately but we do try out best to keep in contact, and little messages from him can make the world of a difference to how I'm feeling on a specific day.  It just so happens that he might be coming to visit on Thursday for a few days so if that happens, we can speak more about it face to face which will definitely be easier!

 

I've recently found a post on Tumblr that has links to around 40-50 websites that help with anxiety, mainly calming techniques etc, so I will start using these when I begin to feel out of control and hopefully they will make a difference.

 

In terms of hobbies, I'm quite a creative person so drawing, or playing instruments can be an outlet for me but lately a lot of these things have just held no interest to me :( I have started reading again though, I do it before I go to bed, because as I said nighttime is when I struggle most with all of these feelings, so having something to distract me around that time is helpful.

 

Thank you so much for your suggestions and your help, I really appreciate it :) 

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  • 4 years later...
On 7/19/2016 at 6:14 PM, Clairyboo13 said:

Hi, 

This is my first post ever to a forum like this ... kinda nervous!

I have discovered in the past 2 months that I am suffering quite badly from anxiety ... but the past few weeks it has gotten increasingly worse.  I'm 19 y/o and female.  The circumstances that have made it worse are these - I live with my boyfriend at uni, but I am home for summer now and I don't handle being away from him so well, I spent almost every day of the past year with him, and having to suddenly have that taken away is really hard for me, especially when our communication is limited due to the business of his life at home (he lives a 3 hour train journey away) - I'm constantly paranoid that he is becoming less interested in me, which I know isn't true! But this paranoia is something that I have found to come along with my anxiety.  I feel that it may be putting stress on our relationship, and yes we've discussed it and we've set some ground rules to help us, but I'm the kind of person who feels like I always mess things up, and this is the one thing I do not want to mess up as I feel it's the only thing I have right now (and it's kind of a perfect thing).

 

Most days are bad ... especially at nighttime, I don't have many friends, in fact I only have 2 including my boyfriend - therefore I feel bad constantly telling them about all of this... This is quite a long post and I didn't expect it to be so I'm just gonna sum up how I feel right now; I feel a heaviness in my chest yet an emptiness at the same time, I'm constantly worried about one thing or another, I feel sick quite a lot of the time, I cry myself to sleep most nights and I just feel bad about myself ... I should also probably add that I suffer from OCD, which I feel definitely doesn't help my anxiety ...

 

I'm planning to go to a doctor once I get back to uni but that's not for another month, so I was wondering if anyone on here would be able to help and give me ways to cope with this until that point?

 

Thank you :)

I just want to let each & everyone, suffering from anxiety.

Let me tell you that anxiety isn't a weakness. Living with anxiety, going through a lot with anxiety, needs more courage & strength most will never know. Repeat after me that your anxiety is lying to you, you're loved and going to be ok. By inducing positivity in yourself, by self-reassurance, you'll get your energy back. 

I've read this amazing piece on the internet today & sharing it here to help others.

https://ezcareclinic.com/methods-to-cope-with-anxiety/

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