I've been stuck in depression and I can't get out of it

[Ruthieofyahuah]

I had typed this all out, and then before I was able to post, I was automatically logged out of my account : P

I appreciate those who gave me a few tips, having dealt with the same problem. Thank you.

So last weekend, there was some serious hell that went on... My parents had gotten irritated with each other Friday evening and they got even more irritated during Saturday, I didn't notice any of this until Sunday afternoon. So, the weekend before, we had arranged with my friend and my parents for my friend to spend the night and go out on Sunday, so Saturday evening, she came over and we were hanging out, and my mom called me downstairs to talk. During the conversation, I finally got the hint that she was NOT in a good mood. After we finished talking, I went back up to my room and had an emotional breakdown/anxiety attack because of how confused I was about why she was all of a sudden angry at me. ((I hate disappointing my parents and when my mom gets angry, she's angry..)) my sister came in and tried comforting me, and a few minutes later, my friend knocked on the door and saw me crying and had apparently overheard my feelings spill to my sister. After that, we all migrated downstairs to watch a few movies. And my mom had forgotten that we were having a friend over that night ((I hadn't realized that when she had called me down to talk)). So by having my friend over, and her not knowing just added more fuel to the fire. So all three of us went upstairs and fell asleep, and the next morning we got our stuff together and got ready to leave to the mall. My mom had come out of her room looking for excuses for us not to go, when she had none left, we left the house. It wasn't 100 yards away that she called us telling us that we had to turn around and drop off my friend because my sister hadn't practiced her guitar. My dad tried to go in and defend us, but that didn't go down so well.. So we dropped off my friend and came back home. When we got back, my mom was pissed off to hell. She sat my dad, sister, and me down at the couch and started flipping out. My dad had started to fight back and that's what drove her angrier than ever. She started shaking the couch sections out of place and throwing things and hitting my dad. It was scary. My dad just ignored her tantrum. ((At this point I was having an anxiety/asthma attack)). My mom got to the point where she didn't feel like anyone cared for her and threatened to kill herself. She ran to her room and I ran after her and got there just in time to stop her from closing the door and then after she realized she couldn't keep me out, she ran to her bed and tried to kill herself, I ran after her and had to restrain her. I started shouting at my dad to take the things she was going to use away from her and he finally walked into the bedroom and took them from her, so I had to hold her back while he walk ((not very fast)) to the garage to lock the things in a safe. ((Not the way I wanted to find out if I'm stronger than her)). She had run out to the garage and tried to make my dad open the safe and my dad told me to call the police, so I dialed and she said "I'll never EVER forgive you for that" ((arrow in the ducking heart)). She had tried to leave in the car earlier, but being a driver myself now, I knew she wasn't in any state to drive so I took the keys and hid them. After the suicide threat was over, my dad sat down laughing so I walked up to him ((bawling my eyes out)) and said "she tried to fucking kill herself and you just stood there". He responded with a simple "don't use the f word" and I responded "my mom almost died, I have the fucking reason to use it" He later told me that it was just a cry for attention ((which I later found out that it was true, but it's still traumatic to have to restrain your own mother because you thought she was going to kill herself)). So I had another anxiety/asthma attack and couldn't breath and my mom locked herself in the bathroom which scared the shit out of me, having seen what she tried to do just minutes ago. She came out, unharmed, and my dad told me to give her the keys, and having heard her cry to leave, I went and gave them to her. An hour later, she came back and told my brother sister and I that we were all going for a drive to talk. During that talk, she had said she was going to leave us and she was going to get herself help. We got dropped off at home and she left. A few hours later, my dad had taken us out to give me some practice drive time and get our minds off the situation. During that time, my friend called my sister and was in a panic, saying how sorry she was and then my mom called. We had to hang up the phone and headed home. My mom was there and say my sister, dad, and I down at the couch again. She said that our friend's mom had called off the friendship and that we were no longer able to hang out with our ((ONLY)) friend. So she decided to stay so we didn't have to deal with two very important people in our lives leaving on the same day. So that was the end of that day, the following week I've been hiding in my bedroom, being very quiet, not talkative at all, unfriendly, distant, completely opposite from who I am. So right now I'm just dealing with the trauma of being put in the situation where I had to stop my mom from killing herself and then loosing my only outside of family friend. So I just need some support with this...

[Resolute]

hi ruthie. sorry you're feeling so bad.

if i may ask a couple of questions. does your mom lead a stressful life? do you do things as a family? do you, or any of your siblings spend any time with your mom (i mean do you do any activities together)?

take care.

[IrmaJean]

Ruthie, I'm sorry you are going through so much. Your mother's behavior sounds unstable at this time. It must be very stressful to live in this kind of environment. Is there a trusted adult you can confide in or maybe a counselor at school (if you are still in school and when it starts again) to talk with and receive support from? Are you able to get out and away from home for a few hours on some days? It must be difficult if you feel you are walking on eggshells at home and need to hide in your room. I hope you are able to care for yourself and find support. I also hope your mother reaches out for the help she seems to need right now. We are here to listen, if it helps to keep expressing yourself.

[LaLa]

Hello, Ruthie, how are you doing? How the situation in your home has been since? 

Your mom said 

On August 6, 2016 at 7:31 PM, Ruthieofyahuah said:

she was going to leave us and she was going to get herself help

She finally hasn't left, but she still has the possibility to get herself help! Could you encourage her somehow to do it, in case she already hasn't?

I hope writing about this all can be at least a bit helpful to you...

Take care!

[Ruthieofyahuah]

Yes my mom got help and she is doing well. I am too. It was one bad day. I did not know all the details that were going on between my mom and dad but my mom, after her anxiety attack settled, talked to me and shared more details so I wasn't so afraid. My mom is a great mom. She is getting help and I believe we will all be fine. Things have been peaceful ever since. 

I really just needed a place to vent.  

[IrmaJean]

It's great that things are better, Ruthie, for you and your family. I'm glad that your mom is getting help. I wish her continued healing. I hope that expressing yourself here was helpful. We are here to listen and support you if the need ever arises again.

Take care.