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Welcome to the community, Mica. It's always so difficult to see a person we love struggling and in pain. It's good that your sister is seeing a psychologist. I hope she feels better soon. Your care and support can be helpful to her. Possibly too it feels like a lot for you and maybe it could be helpful if you had someone to share your feelings with? Is there a trusted adult in your life who you can confide in and receive support from?

It's challenging at times to know what actions are the best for all who are involved. Have you tried talking with your sister about the possibility of her sharing her struggle with other family members? Are your parents supportive? What do you feel is best to do?

I'm sorry you and your sister are going through this. Wishing you well, Mica.


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Hi Mica. Just a thought but your sister may be more open with her psychologist after a bit more time has passed - it can take a while to get more comfortable in sessions.

As to if you should tell your older sister - do you think she could keep the information to herself or would she talk to your younger sister or parents about it? I am not suggesting she shouldn't necessarily, I just think you may need to take that into account.

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Hello, Mica,

I can only second what's been already written here. And I'd like to add my opinion about your dilemma: I think your little sister might feel betrayed by you if you told anybody from your family about her problems and it's not something she'd need now (to feel betrayed by the only person she's been able to talk to about her struggles). I'd rather suggest to talk with her, repeatedly, about the reasons why she doesn't want anybody else to know and question them a bit (if they seem "inappropriate" to you). But reassure her that you won't betray her, you just prefer (-explain to her your reasons why!) the big sister to know. It should be her own decision to open up to more people.

I would have a different opinion if there wasn't a psychologist involved. But in this situation, I hope she is receiving appropriate help and support already, so no more people need to be "involved". 

She's very lucky she has a sister like you :) . And I believe you can help her a bit also with her struggles with communicating with the psychologist. Not by "pushing / forcing her" to tell what she's not yet ready to say, but, for instance, by repeating her that it's OK that she needs some time to become able to talk about some topics, and that this doesn't mean she won't be able to talk about them later and to resolve the underlying problems. You may keep her hoping, perhaps also by finding some examples (on the web) of stories of people in therapy who felt initially unable to talk about the most severe problems but slowly they've developed a trustful relationship with their therapist and become able to discuss the most intimate problems and it helped them. (BTW; this is "my story", too ;) .)

You can also inform yourself more about this kind of problems (I suppose you're already doing this ;) ) and perhaps that would make it easier for you to deal with it and to support her. If you need to talk about it with somebody (which is, of course, entirely natural), I would suggest somebody unrelated to your family, so that your sister wouldn't feel betrayed / "exposed"... 

Good luck to both of you!

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Hi Mica. Is there any possibility that your sister was sexually abused in any way?  You don't have to answer me and I don't mean to be indelicate but I work in behavioral health and what you describe is what I see in the case notes of teenage girls that isolate, cry, and cut as a result of sexual abuse. 

Most major hospitals have a psych Ward.  Get her there for an evaluation and they will take over her care from there. Very important that you do this.  

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It can be so challenging to know what is best or right in certain circumstances... that happens to me too...I think you should do what you feel is best, that is all any of us can do. You know your family, you know the situation, and I don't think any of us from here can tell you what action to take. Maybe try to trust your instincts and your heart?

I hear you that it hurts to see your sister in pain and to feel powerless to help her. :(  One thing I have learned and I'm still learning is that I can't control what might happen for others. I can hope for their healing and their happiness and I can stand by them and with them through their pain and struggle, but I can't control the outcomes. I think too, though, that standing by someone and being a supportive friend can mean a lot. Your sister knows you are there and you care and love her and this can be very helpful to her.

Take care of yourself, Mica. I wish you and your family well.

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21 hours ago, Mica123 said:

I just want to know if I can tell my older sister. Would it be terribly wrong? 

I think IJ put it very well; you're the one who knows your family best, we can only offer our opinions and perspectives but the decision is yours.

I would repeat my previous "input": Try first to talk with your little sister about her reasons why she doesn't want your older sister to know; try to understand and question / contradict her reasons, try to explain her your reasons, ... (Or have you already done it, just didn't mention it here?)

Good luck, take care! 

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