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the way I am getting over my sps and developing a new outlook on sex


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I really really think a small penis doesn't matter. It's just a body part like a finger or an eye. The size of it should not determine your confidence level or your "manliness". I think all males take their penis as a sign of manliness when this is simply not true. This is a problem because when someone insults the size of your nose (I.e. Too big or too small etc) a lot of people just shake it off. But if someone insults your penis, it can leads severe anxiety issues. Sexual prowess in my opinion should not be judged by the size of a body part but rather what you are willing to Do with your partner. I've been doing a lot better with my size anxiety because I have detached the size of my member from the derivation of my manliness. I derive my manliness from trying to be a great leader and from other actions as well. And if a girl laughs at your penis, you have a right to get upset with THEM not with yourself. You have a right to throw THEM out of the bedroom not the other way around. But once you find that woman who doesn't laugh, even if she isn't satisfied with your penis it shouldn't phase you. You should encourage women to tell you that your penis isn't satisfying them so you know and can work together on that aspect of the relationship as opposed to keeping it hidden causing more problems down the road. If society can see that penis size does NOT equate to manliness, then everyone would be so much better off and more comfortable using toys and taking advice from your partner. Everyone would be so much happier. So to everyone out there who is really down about their size, I am here to tell you that size DOES matter. It matters in the sense that many women enjoy the feeling of something big inside them, but that doesn't mean you can't meet their needs because there are so many large penises you can BUY. So size in the flesh doesn't matter. The size of your sexual imagination and the derivation of your manhood matter. Derive your confidence from being a stand up guy who admits to having a small penis but is willing to go out of his way to pleasure the person he loves. Just my two cents, and the way I look at sex now. I don't know if this will help people look at it differently, but I am much happier knowing that the fault doesn't lie with me if a girl laughs, and that I CAN pleasure a woman BETTER than a man with a big penis because I can cater to a woman's needs by buying a larger penis and using my honed skills. So I really really believe that once your separate manliness and your penis size, you can begin to become more confident and find the right person for you. 

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Sometimes I feel like SPS is a fixed cycle of emotions that every afflicted man experiences in the same order over and over. The intense fevers and anxiety in the beginning, the suicidal thoughts that follow, the coping mechanisms like this one, etc.

I think I experienced this exact same feeling of relief around two years ago when my size anxiety was at its peak; every time I thought about sex I would feel this palpably sharp and scalding stress run in streams down multiple sides of my head, like someone had poured boiling water on it but from the inside. Eventually I resolved to change my perspective just to escape this physical symptom of my thoughts, let alone the thoughts themselves, and it was only in that state of desperation that I found the resolve to be okay with toys.

Intellectually we all get that size shouldn't determine our worth as a person in general, so that was a good springboard. From there I realized that, unfortunately, I am turned on by the idea of women being stretched and deeply penetrated, and that perhaps all I needed to do was separate the desire to observe this from the desire to cause this (to me you're just observing even if you're wearing a strap-on; compare a compliment you receive on your body to one you receive on your shoes - there is a sort of mental nourishment for primal sexual self-esteem that can only be absorbed through direct contact with the body, and even if you're enjoying yourself you won't experience that if you're using a dildo). I was ready, despite everything I said in the parentheses, to settle for that.

Even typing that out now I slipped back into that state of mind, especially imagining that I was really in love with a girl who understood my problems. However, this all started to break down the moment I started to feeling attracted to a particular girl. I was still watching PIV porn at the time and watching it with a strong sense of defiance - if a video of the cold hard facts I was trying to accept could destroy the receptacle I had created for them, what was the point? And it did start to bother me. I started picturing that girl in those videos, and all day in my head I could hear her making sounds I knew I could probably never achieve with my penis. Something about being one degree closer to it all in her was disrupting my positivity.

"But what about toys?" Well, emotions are weird. Like I said, just remembering the temporary relief toys brought me rearranged my POV into that state for a moment. It's like those classic illusions where some thing can be perceived in two different ways depending on how long you look at it. I can stare down a cube's corner until those nearest edges seem to invert and become the inside of a cube, and if I do it long enough I can go back and forth at will; but if I run my fingers on those same edges and the reality is that they are sharp edges on a solid cube, I will get cut regardless of what I'm seeing.

In a similar way everyone here can think positive thoughts and with no external stimulus to disrupt them it works. But then you do the obvious comparison and imagine fucking a fleshlight next to your woman, and you realize that wouldn't be nearly as satisfying for you; why would it for her? Forget the humiliation; it does not even meet the basic criteria of physical affection. You read women say they don't enjoy toys as much as real big dicks (no shit). You realize that the sense of competition with other men seems like a translucent idea when it consists of imaginary people and emotions in your head, but that it becomes an involuntary impulse when the people, especially the women, are real ones in your life that you can talk to and imagine being with.

That's not to say your outlook is worthless; if it works out for you that's great. I'm just reiterating that the root causes of SPS are raw emotions men are hardwired to experience. The outlook is only a part of it and it can be used to ward off painful feelings that come of themselves, but those feelings do in fact come of themselves.

TL;DR  I tried thinkin' bout it like this and it didn't work for me. Any positivity you could feel while just pontificating but could not feel while watching your girlfriend get plowed by a huge cock right in front of you (go ahead and do that thought-experiment; I'm being 100 percent serious; pretend it's a sex tape of her with her ex) is self-deception.

 

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I think that a positive attitude towards self worth (like you've shown) is a good thing. I had a few brilliant days visiting friends down south (UK). But I still struggled at times with accepting my appearance. For the most part, I got past it, but sometimes it sticks to my mind like shit on a blanket. 

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