Dignity

[mts]

Acceptance of Identity Approach people as being neither inferior nor superior to you. Give others the freedom to express their authentic selves without fear of being negatively judged. Interact without prejudice or bias, accepting the ways in which race, religion, ethnicity, gender, class, sexual orientation, age, and disability may be at the core of other people’s identities. Assume that others have integrity.

Inclusion Make others feel that they belong, whatever the relationship—whether they are in your family, community, organization, or nation.

Safety Put people at ease at two levels: physically, so they feel safe from bodily harm, and psychologically, so they feel safe from being humiliated. Help them to feel free to speak without fear of retribution.

Acknowledgement Give people your full attention by listening, hearing, validating, and responding to their concerns, feelings, and experiences.

Recognition Validate others for their talents, hard work, thoughtfulness, and help. Be generous with praise, and show appreciation and gratitude to others for their contributions and ideas.

Fairness Treat people justly, with equality, and in an evenhanded way according to agreed-­on laws and rules. People feel that you have honored their dignity when you treat them without discrimination or injustice.

Benefit of the Doubt Treat people as trustworthy. Start with the premise that others have good motives and are acting with integrity.

Understanding Believe that what others think matters. Give them the chance to explain and express their points of view. Actively listen in order to understand them.

Independence Encourage people to act on their own behalf so that they feel in control of their lives and experience a sense of hope and possibility.

Accountability Take responsibility for your actions. If you have violated the dignity of another person, apologize. Make a commitment to change your hurtful behaviors.

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From the book I recommended. I thought it belonged here. (I don't agree 100% with everything but otherwise I think it can be helpful.)

Edited August 31, 2016 by mts

[Klingsor]

Good post, Mts. Thanks.

[mts]

The Ten Temptations to Violate Dignity

Taking the Bait  Don’t take the bait. Don’t let the bad behavior of others determine your own. Restraint is the better part of dignity. Don’t justify getting even. Do not do unto others as they do unto you if it will cause harm.

Saving Face Don’t succumb to the temptation to save face. Don’t lie, cover up, or deceive yourself. Tell the truth about what you have done.

Shirking Responsibility Don’t shirk responsibility when you have violated the dignity of others. Admit it when you make a mistake, and apologize if you hurt someone.

Seeking False Dignity Beware of the desire for external recognition in the form of approval and praise. If we depend on others alone for validation of our worth, we are seeking false dignity. Authentic dignity resides within us. Don’t be lured by false dignity.

Seeking False Security Don’t let your need for connection compromise your dignity. If we remain in a relationship in which our dignity is routinely violated, our desire for connection has outweighed our need to maintain our own dignity. Resist the temptation to settle for false security.

Avoiding Conflict Stand up for yourself. Don’t avoid confrontation when your dignity is violated. Take action. A violation is a signal that something in a relationship needs to change.

Being the Victim Don’t assume that you are the innocent victim in a troubled relationship. Open yourself to the idea that you might be contributing to the problem. We need to look at ourselves as others see us.

Resisting Feedback Don’t resist feedback from others. We often don’t know what we don’t know. We all have blind spots; we all unconsciously behave in undignified ways. We need to overcome our self-­protective instincts and accept constructive criticism. Feedback gives us an opportunity to grow.

Blaming and Shaming Others to Deflect Your Own Guilt Don’t blame and shame others to deflect your own guilt. Control the urge to defend yourself by making others look bad.

Engaging in False Intimacy and Demeaning Gossip Beware of the tendency to connect by gossiping about others in a demeaning way. Being critical and judgmental about others when they are not present is harmful and undignified. If you want to create intimacy with another, speak the truth about yourself, about what is happening in your inner world, and invite the other person to do the same.

[mts]

I'm terrible with many of these. I hope it doesn't seem preachy (I'm the one of worst people), but it may be useful.

[IrmaJean]

Another good list, mts.

My personal biggest challenge: avoiding conflict. 

[mts]

I can't say I'm great at conflict either. Maybe it can be improved?

Saving face is my challenge.

[IrmaJean]

I do think it can be improved. For me,  I think my struggle with conflict is rooted in attachment issues and I have been making good progress with that over the years. I have to be okay with (and be with) my whole self and be centered enough to know that external disharmony need not disturb my inner sanctity or cause me to pull apart. On the plus side, my strong desire for harmony does give me motivation to mediate when others are in conflict. That can be helpful at times.

Saving face. If you want to share more about your experience, mts, I am here and listening.

[Guest]

Thanks for the post mts I think it is very useful information. Whats the book called? I may give it a read... 

How are you doing with this? Are you implementing it into your interactions with others? If so are things working out well with these implementations? 

[mts]

I forget but it's in the recommended reads thread. You're welcome Sed. I'm glad you think it's useful.

It's hard to say right now... many areas of my social life are not going well, but those points helped me to stand up to my roommate.