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A short story (Need to get this out)


ThatOne
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Hey, I have NEVER spoken about this to anyone and I need to get it off of my chest and this is the right place to do so it seems.

 

Ever since I was in elementary school I've known I was, less endowed (To be polite to myself) than everyone else. I was always somewhat overweight and being born with a small penis atop of that made me the perfect victim for torture! I dreaded the idea of going to gym, or to go swimming simply because I had to get naked at some point. Even to this day I dont go to pools or waterparks because the idea of being naked infront of someone absolutely destroys me.

As I was growing up it never stopped, people didn't stop making fun of me in later years (The school system is different here in Norway so I dont know what it would be called, years 8-10 atleast). After I finished year 10 it had gotten to the point where I wouldn't go out with friends if it meant anything that could lead to nudity. Because of the fact that I felt like I was less of a man than everyone else I never talked to other girls. I never flirted, I never tried to ask someone out for a date because it might at some point have led to sex, something I was quite literaly scared of. In year 12 I actually got a girlfriend, she was sweet and loving and I truly loved her. But, that fear of not being good enough was still there. She broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her because I never tried to have sex with her, never brought it up even. And I didn't try to explain the situation because, then she'd leave me either way right?

And now, in present day (Or atleast from 2015 and onwards). When I turned 18, 2 years ago I started going out drinking with friends. And, for a while it was alright until a few nights where I some of my friends (Who had no idea of my anxiety or anything) tried hooking me up with girls they met randomly. Ofcourse I'd freeze up and say something stupid and deceide it was about time to head home for the night. I started saying no to going out and making excuses not to go. They eventually stopped inviting me out.

I've known a girl for about 4 years now and in the last 2 years I've managed to fall in love with her. We have so many things in common and we both love eachothers company and she's one of the few girls I feel relaxed around. But at many occasions we've landed on the topic of male genitalia and she's said things that makes me want to shrivel up and disappear. I've considered cutting the friendship off so many times, but I've also considered telling her about my emotions and my anxiety, fear and self loathing issues. But I just cant help but feel it would end badly.

So, now at the age of 20 I'm still a virgin, I havent gone swimming in so many years I cant remember when I last did it and I spend more time hating myself for something that is COMPLETELY out of my control than I do trying to come to terms with it and learning to deal with it.

If you've read this far, thank you that means a whole lot to me. I've cut this as short as I could, I could've elaborated on certain things but I feel this is enough.

I have no idea how to handle this. Everytime my friends get into the topic of penis size, penis this or penis that or even sex I get scared and pull away. Its not easy, its extremely hard.

Thanks.

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9 hours ago, ThatOne said:

Ever since I was in elementary school I've known I was, less endowed (To be polite to myself) than everyone else. I was always somewhat overweight and being born with a small penis atop of that made me the perfect victim for torture!

So could losing weight help??

Sometimes bigger dudes can have, like, buried peen syndrome.

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20 hours ago, ThatOne said:

Hey, I have NEVER spoken about this to anyone and I need to get it off of my chest and this is the right place to do so it seems.

 

Ever since I was in elementary school I've known I was, less endowed (To be polite to myself) than everyone else. I was always somewhat overweight and being born with a small penis atop of that made me the perfect victim for torture! I dreaded the idea of going to gym, or to go swimming simply because I had to get naked at some point. Even to this day I dont go to pools or waterparks because the idea of being naked infront of someone absolutely destroys me.

As I was growing up it never stopped, people didn't stop making fun of me in later years (The school system is different here in Norway so I dont know what it would be called, years 8-10 atleast). After I finished year 10 it had gotten to the point where I wouldn't go out with friends if it meant anything that could lead to nudity. Because of the fact that I felt like I was less of a man than everyone else I never talked to other girls. I never flirted, I never tried to ask someone out for a date because it might at some point have led to sex, something I was quite literaly scared of. In year 12 I actually got a girlfriend, she was sweet and loving and I truly loved her. But, that fear of not being good enough was still there. She broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her because I never tried to have sex with her, never brought it up even. And I didn't try to explain the situation because, then she'd leave me either way right?

Everytime my friends get into the topic of penis size, penis this or penis that or even sex I get scared and pull away. Its not easy, its extremely hard.

Thanks.

I know what you're talking about, it's a touchy issue. It's mostly ignored or misunderstood by most women and plausibly denied by men because they don't want to seem smaller than other guys at all costs. Let me ask, how big are you, do you have a micro penis or are you just statistically average? Is it anxiety about your size during performance or just being seen flaccid? Either way, if you're serious about this girl, you need to open up and tell her your feelings regarding your penis size anxiety. The up and down of it is, that you might as well tell her about your worries and concerns because if you take it further she'll find out anyway. If she rejects you, then she was going to reject you anyway. I've had this same problem, but at some point in your life, it's gonna be take a risk on happiness or be looking back in another 20 years and wonder what could have been. You deserve to be happy, man. We all deserve to be happy, especially everyone in here. Life with a small cock isn't easy, but it is what it is. I hope you find what or the girl you're looking for and manage to get past this shit, I know it isn't easy, but it is possible. Good luck, brother ☮

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12 hours ago, DurexRedux said:

So could losing weight help??

Loosing weight is probably a good idea for health-related reasons and it can also help with some self-esteem issues, but... as this "joke" / cartoon put it, it's not a panacea and it can be easily over-estimated :( :

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Anyway; welcome, ThanOne, and good luck!!

 

Edited by LaLa
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I think you should retain the friendship with your female friend as its good to have people in your life.

But I would advise against any romance with her.

From what you say she appears not to like small genitals so any sexual contact with her is going to unpleasant for you both.

And the aftermath will be awkward - it will likely ruin the friendship AND she might tell mutuall friends- that is not going to help your confidence or happiness one bit.

Keep looking for a different girl - good luck

ps and lose some weight - thats always a good thing for lots of reasons

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Most women don't like fat guys to begin with. The fact that most women know guys who are fat tend to have small dicks just reinforces their attitude.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule.

What did she say about male genitalia that made you want to shrivel up and disappear.

Mine shrivels up and disappears without any comments from women.

I've heard people say that for every 10lbs of weight you lose you gain an inch. So by my math if I got down to normal weight I would have a 15 inch penis.

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22 hours ago, Jessie said:

From what you say she appears not to like small genitals so any sexual contact with her is going to unpleasant for you both.

There aren't many girls who will say they like small cocks, so shutting the idea of a relationship down because of a comment is ludicrous. If this girl is going to judge him on his cock, she'll judge him as a friend or potential partner. As for her telling mutual friends, that's something that has to be grin and beared. You'd never get a sniff of a girl if you worried about gossip, because that's what they're good at (some more than others, obviously). His friendship with her isn't worth shit if he can't be honest, so he might as well be honest. And from experience, it's men that shout 'small cock' the loudest. Women who think it'll hurt a friend to say it generally won't say it. I say give it a go. This all depends on the guys actual size to be fair, because my 5.5' 'pin prick' as it's been affectionately called by people in the past has given many women an orgasm, which trumps any name calling and has made women say "What the hell were you worried about? You're a good fuck!" Which kind of leaves me thinking "Can I get that in writing? A video confirmation? Printed on a T-shirt? No?" Guess it's back to being judged on what people THINK they know, which sounds about right.

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1 hour ago, YeshuandMe said:

This all depends on the guys actual size to be fair, because my 5.5' 'pin prick' as it's been affectionately called by people in the past has given many women an orgasm, which trumps any name calling and has made women say "What the hell were you worried about? You're a good fuck!" Which kind of leaves me thinking "Can I get that in writing? A video confirmation? Printed on a T-shirt? No?" Guess it's back to being judged on what people THINK they know, which sounds 

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On 15 September 2016 at 10:04 PM, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

There aren't many girls who will say they like small cocks, so shutting the idea of a relationship down because of a comment is ludicrous. If this girl is going to judge him on his cock, she'll judge him as a friend or potential partner. As for her telling mutual friends, that's something that has to be grin and beared. You'd never get a sniff of a girl if you worried about gossip, because that's what they're good at (some more than others, obviously). His friendship with her isn't worth shit if he can't be honest, so he might as well be honest. And from experience, it's men that shout 'small cock' the loudest. Women who think it'll hurt a friend to say it generally won't say it. I say give it a go. This all depends on the guys actual size to be fair, because my 5.5' 'pin prick' as it's been affectionately called by people in the past has given many women an orgasm, which trumps any name calling and has made women say "What the hell were you worried about? You're a good fuck!" Which kind of leaves me thinking "Can I get that in writing? A video confirmation? Printed on a T-shirt? No?" Guess it's back to being judged on what people THINK they know, which sounds about right.

I dont think I would agree with this I'm afraid.

If you say you dont iike pizza then you dont like pizza right?

He says the girl doesnt like small dicks (if I have understood his post right)

So if they got intimate she is not going to like what she finds- so this wont end well- why create an awful situation and ruin a friendship like that?

It may even escalate so he is ridiculed or shunned by his social group- in this day and age the small dick thing is soooo toxic.

So a smaller guy has be tactical and cautious- you need to weight the odds in your favour…

ps although yeah a lot depends on his 'actual' size…..

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3 hours ago, Jessie said:

I dont think I would agree with this I'm afraid.

If you say you dont iike pizza then you dont like pizza right?

He says the girl doesnt like small dicks (if I have understood his post right)

So if they got intimate she is not going to like what she finds- so this wont end well- why create an awful situation and ruin a friendship like that?

It may even escalate so he is ridiculed or shunned by his social group- in this day and age the small dick thing is soooo toxic.

So a smaller guy has be tactical and cautious- you need to weight the odds in your favour…

ps although yeah a lot depends on his 'actual' size…..

I get what you're saying, but I did exactly that for years (I was stick thin too, it didn't change a thing). I'd never take a chance on people's real feelings I'd instead just assume from comments they'd made or a general understanding that it wouldn't be worth it, they'd reject me, I'd lose a friend and be miserable again. But it's a lonely world when you don't take risks. I spent 20 years in that particular hell. And as for the little dick thing being toxic, you're right, but it's always been toxic. It's a case of choosing between hiding in the shadows and being alone forever or getting out there and taking a bit of stick for a chance on love/a relationship/normality. It's a minefield though, and when I was younger it was definitely more difficult to deal with. Not that it's easy now like, but that's life I guess. BTW, I don't like pizza, but sometimes I'll eat it if there's no other options haha...Jesus, maybe that's the key, find a girl on a desert island with no options :D

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23 hours ago, Jessie said:

If you say you dont iike pizza then you dont like pizza right?

He says the girl doesnt like small dicks (if I have understood his post right)

Yeah, but what we dont know is what she considers 2B small !!

23 hours ago, Jessie said:

So a smaller guy has be tactical and cautious- you need to weight the odds in your favour…

All guys!! In this fucked day and age.

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