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Self hatred


p.justin
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Honestly, I'm not even sure what I'm doing or if this will even help. I hate talking about what I'm going through because more often than not no one cares or they don't understand. And I hate feeling like I'm bothering those that do. I don't even understand it. I absolutely hate myself, everything about me, I always have. I've struggled with depression for the better part of my life and for no good reason. Sure, I was bullied and shamed growing up but that should never have had this effect on me. I didn't suffer some traumatic event that led to wanting to kill myself. I've just always wanted to or rather felt like I should. I'm nothing more than a failure, in everything I've done. I've been to the point before, sat with a gun in my mouth, stopped by my mom. And I'm back to that point. I just can't handle feeling like I'll never be good enough again. I failed in school, work, as a husband and a friend. I just can't see any other way out and I'm tired of trying.

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Hello, p.justin, and welcome to our community. I'm so sorry that you're feeling this level of pain. :( There are people out there who will listen and who care. It's okay to reach out when you are suffering and need support. Your feelings matter and your life matters. You matter.

Bullying is a serious issue. I'm sorry you went through that. :( If a person is exposed to these kinds of situations over a prolonged period of time, it can be traumatic.

It sounds like you are being very hard on yourself. How can you care for yourself now? What do you need? Are you able to reach out to someone there and seek out professional help?

I do hear that you feel tired and sad. Sending you strength and care.

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22 hours ago, p.justin said:

 I'm nothing more than a failure, in everything I've done.

Hi p.justin, I just wanted to offer some support and say that I have suffered from depression and I totally recognise the above comment. That's how I felt every day, it's unbearable - but it's an illness and it's not your fault. I saw everything through the lens of this 'failure', even though it's like saying everything in someone's life has been a success - the truth is somewhere in between.

I tended to find that simple activities like walking and painting helped a bit, but being kind to yourself is so important too. I hope you can reach out to those around you, you are not a burden, you are a person who needs help and understanding.

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