Help please

[Hals]

Hi I'm confused I always thought I was gender fluid but lately I've only been feeling like a boy. My sex is female if you were wondering. It's just been bugging me really bad and I have fell back into depression because of it. I'm only 13 and my parents are very homophobic but they don't know about me and I know there is so long until I can leave them and go live a life on my own and I just feel like giving up, I need help.

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, Hals. I'm sorry you're feeling confused and depressed about this. You are still young and your body is going through a lot of changes. This can be a confusing time. Do you feel accepting of yourself? I hope so. I hear your concern about how others might respond. If you don't feel safe sharing this with your parents, could you possibly speak with a school counselor?

[Hals]

I have tried speaking with counselors but none of it has helped 

[IrmaJean]

I'm sorry counseling has not been helpful to you. Do you have friends or any other family who you feel safe sharing this with? I'm trying to better understand where your struggle is in this. Is it that you are feeling unaccepting of yourself or is it a fear of how you will be responded to and treated? Both? 

 

[LaLa]

Hello, Hals, welcome!

I'm sorry you're going through this in such a bigot family  . It's still a problem in many places, yet the situation is much better in general, much understanding about these issues exists already, there are even some organisations dedicated to help. Have you tied to contact them? For instance:

http://www.glaad.org/transgender/resources

http://www.hrc.org/resources/transgender-children-and-youth-finding-support-for-you-and-your-family

At the same time, I need to ask you more generally about your mental health issues. Is your gender dysphoria the only problem?

Can you be sure that a gender change would make you "the true you"? It may feel this way now, but it's also possible that if you wait (not just due to lack of understanding of your family and lack of access to changes), you'll be in a better position to make a decision about yourself a bit later in life, when you'll have more experiences and you'll know yourself better. As teenagers, we are often too confused about our identity as well as all the changes caused by puberty and perhaps dealing with such a complicated issue as gender identity (and its change "in public") may become easier in time (for instance also because then we aren't so dependent on the parents anymore).

(This doesn't mean that I dismiss your feelings or that I don't think you need help!! You certainly need "someone to talk to" about all these complicated issues and to help you to find "a right" way for you.)

I also recommend you to read this article - it may annoy you at first, because it questions some notions what seem probably obvious to you (me, I was also quite surprised reading it and I had to force myself to read the whole in order to better understand that it's not just somebody who wants to "take from the children the right to make decisions about their gender" because of prejudices etc.), but I think it's good to know also about these aspects of the issue:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/transgender-kids-have-we-gone-too-far/article16897043/

For instance, what do you think about this (-the end of the article)?

Quote

Here’s more unwelcome news from Ms. Dreger. A child’s gender issue may merely be a symptom of other family problems. “The dirty little secret is that many of these families have big dysfunctional issues. When you get the clinicians over a beer, they’ll tell you the truth. A lot of the parents aren’t well in terms of their mental health. They think that once the child transitions, all their problems will magically go away, but that’s not really where the stress is located.” Clinicians won’t say these things publicly, she says, because they don’t want to sound as if they’re blaming gender problems on screwed-up families.

It’s a mark of social progress that we are increasingly willing to accept people on their terms, for who they are. But maybe we’re manufacturing more problems than we’re solving. If we really want to help people, we should remember the old rule: First, do no harm.

You wrote:

On 11/9/2016 at 11:18 AM, Hals said:

I just feel like giving up,

What precisely means "giving up" for you? And what would be the opposite of giving up in your case?

Take care!

Edited November 10, 2016 by LaLa