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I'm terrified for my life


Feferi
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I can't do this. Not anymore. My parents threaten to beat me all the time, threaten to burn everything I own, call me stupid and dumb and retarded and cruel and say I'm a bad person, have beaten me in the past, scare the living daylights out of me, look through my stuff, and say I'm subhuman. I can't do this. I'm gay and trans and. With Donald as president, I'm terrified of what'll happen to me. I live in the bible belt, and I'm so scared that people in school will physically hurt me or even do the same things that my parents do or even just random people in public trying to hurt me. I'm scared of what'll happen with my mental health, as I go to a therapist and psychiatrist, and I have Bipolar I with psychotic effects, and just. There's enough hate against me as it is.

I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

I need to die. I can't live with Donald as president, I can't live with knowing all these bigots are around me, that everyone hates me even more than I thought they already did. I can't do this. I'm so close. Please.

Please.

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Hi Feferi,

I'm so sorry for the pain and fear you're feeling. I'm sorry that you're parents are not treating you well or with the love and respect you deserve.

There are a lot of people that are afraid right now, so you're not alone in that. There are also a lot of people who deeply care for those who are afraid, who are persecuted, who are in great pain.

Please don't give up. Not yet. I've been going through a different situation than you but have been battling with thoughts (and plans) of suicide for months. Find a reason to keep going. Just something to look forward to so you can hang on a bit longer. I have hope that if we keep going, things can change and get better. There are people that care about you. I do, and I don't even know you.

I hope something I said is helpful. I hope you can find more people to support you and that love will conquer hate.

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Feferi, I'm so sorry you're feeling so down.  Also sorry it took a while for you to get a reply.  There are a few things that I'd like to say in response to your post:

First of all, everybody does NOT hate you.  There do seem to be an awful lot of bigots in the U.S. but that does NOT mean there are not a lot of unbiased people out there.  I'm guessing you're in high school since you are still with your parents.  Since they don't seem to be offering much kindness or support, you're going to have to look elsewhere for it...The gay community?...Your current friends?...Family of your current friends?  You get the picture.  I've seen incredibly mentally healthy adults who had horrible, horrible parents.  They surrounded themselves with mentally healthy and supportive people.  You do not need to give up just because Trump got elected.  Who knows...he may actually make it easier for Americans to get jobs.  We just don't know.  The vote was anti-establishment, not anti-gay, not anti-female.  Check out Martin Seligman's youtube talks as I believe he may put you in a better headspace to help yourself.

Take care of yourself and don't give up. 

 

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Hi Feferi

I, too, recommend that you stay in touch with us here.

While i disagree with some of what you wrote, Athena (i went to church with the Trump voters for 35 years, Athena:  they really are homophobic and sexist; that part's true), i agree with what you said about finding supportive people.

Feferi, you're not alone because there are people who care about you, just as Athena said.

When you feel alone and afraid, i hope you'll log in here.  Just so you'll know that there is a place where people think you are precious and wonderful.  

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Hello, Feferi, welcome!

I can only second what others have already posted. I hope you'll stay here with us to communicate more and get some support and hopefully also new insights... Would you share more about yourself to help us to know you better and address better your issues?

You might find some more thoughts about the issue related to elections also here, for instance: 

http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/index.php?/topic/10352-wish-i-could-die/

Take care!

Edited by LaLa
added some thoughts
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