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Planning. I'm not good at it.


Victimorthecrime

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Geography matters too.  I think you are in a more "traditional" area.  NYC or Sarasota FL are examples of places where single for life guys like us find acceptance.  

One other point: a lot of these married guys are fucking miserable beyond belief so don't buy their bullshit.  Truly happy people don't feel the need to engage in triumphalism and putting others down.  So fuck them and their horseshit opinions.

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We used to live a short drive south of Sarasota, FL some 20+ years ago. 

It sounds like your co-workers could use some task direction, Klingsor. It must be difficult working in that kind of environment. :( I'm sorry you have had to put up with this kind of behavior from others at your job.

I also hope you are okay.

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There's nothing an average person can do unless they suddevly become a millionaire. If you have to work a normal 8-5 to put food in your mouth, you deal with this bullshit in some form or fashion. The workplace is just a nursery for adults. 

I shouldn't have posted here, I just get depressed and angry sometimes and jump on the mental support community and whine about it. I've always been a weak loser and I just hate the fact that it will never change and everyday on the job reminds me of it.

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Thanks Jazz. I'll deal with it in my usual ways. 99% of People are entitled pieces of shit and there's nothing anyone can do about it. 

Back to the original topic, I've been living on scraps and fast food for 2 weeks so ive tried to make plans for 3 or 4 days now to get up early and go to the supermarket. Well this morning I finally managed it. Got a good amount of food with the minimum amount of human interaction before the scorching sun came up. And now have food for the weekend. So I feel really good that I followed thru on that plan. Had milk w/ my ️ finally for first time again in weeks. 

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It's Saturday morning 6:38am as I type this and it's gonna be a hot one. High of 97.  I stayed in last night and didn't drink and went bed early so I am feeling decent.  I am having coffee ️ and mulling things over.  

Weird mix of feelings. Happy it is Saturday & summertime but feeling disenchanted w life.  Times like this it is good to count your blessings so that's what I'll do.  

The disenchantment comes from not having the fun I see and hear about others having but I am glad that my health and abilities are good.  Also I am grateful that things aren't worse.  There are people that are in horrible situations.  I still have a chance to make changes. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Planning does not work for me.  Making a detailed plan is a complete waste of time.  This blog has taught me that.  

What works for me is setting aside some time where I can be freed up to do whatever it is that I am in the mood to do.  Also mental & physical self-care so that I have the energy & inclination to act.  That's as good as it gets for me.  

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Here is another example of the futility of planning: after having a very nice day yesterday today I realize I have a summer cold.  

In hind sight and can see the cold coming on.  I was very sluggish and had somewhat of a stiff neck along w more sneezing than usual. That is a dead giveaway although I never realize it at the time.  

Its a fairly hot day here and I went out for a walk in the hopes that breaking a sweat would get it out of me but I don't think I succeeded as I write this now.  

I felt ok when I first woke up and even did laundry and some exercise.  Now that September is here I want to get in better shape for the coming winter and challenges that brings.  I started to feel lousy around 11am and had breakfast thinking I just needed food but ended up napping from 12:30 to 2pm and woke up sick!  Bad sinus pressure, fatigue and aches.  Uggh.  

BUT there are bright spots: tomorrow is Labor Day and I am off AND I am hoping this early cold will boost my immunity for the coming season.  Also the cold gives me an excuse to be lazy and I love to be lazy (unfortunately).  It is something I am trying to change believe it not.  

Lastly being sick brings me gratitude and thanks to God.  Why?  Because I know there are millions of people that would give their right leg to have a head cold be their biggest health problem.  

 

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A neighbor had a really loud party that ran really late.  On top of that I woke up much earlier than I needed to.  I will probably get a short nap later so no huge deal.  

The good news is the head cold does not feel any worse and I think it might even be a good bit better.  If I sound unsure it is because I just woke up and am having coffee.  I love coffee, tea, and even some soda now and then.  Drank much less beer this summer than any time in recent memory.  

Not sure what kind of day it is going to be and not going to worry too much about it.  It is a holiday here.  Also it is going to be hot.  Just going to go w the flow and it is a blessing to be able to do that. 

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I have gout right now. My left foot, mainly my big toe, looks like a bloated dead seal. My car is at a friend's house and I can't drive it back because of the pain. This is what I get for drinking like a fish these past weeks, a foot that feels like it's broken. So, I'm limping around like a pensioner and taking sleeping pills to put me out. I think I'm tired, grieving, frustrated and bored all on one sandwich. 

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Wow YOTH.  You had alluded to some drinking but I didn't realize the full extent.  I hope you will ease your way back to a place where you are feeling better.  

I sometimes wonder if alcohol should be legal.  So much damage.  It's not going to change anytime soon but maybe one day it will be looked at like smoking and discouraged.  

 

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I'd probably be drinking a lot more if it didn't literally cripple me. But it isn't leaving me with much choice but to stop. It's depressing when the one person you want to tell isn't there anymore. People give you that snap out of it look, like I wouldn't have already done it if it was that easy. This gout is no joke either, this morning I woke up and the pain was constant and unbearable. Feels like my foot is in a vice that keeps turning tighter and tighter. Had a good lie this morning, so that was nice. I need another early night. 

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  • 1 month later...

Haven't posted in a while so thought I would jump on.  

Nothing really new.  Still working and dealing w life as best as I can. Basically I wish things were better but glad they are not worse.  

I wish my energy level was better.  Particularly on Saturday I am exhausted from the week.  I have lost a few pounds that I put on over the summer but have much further to go.  I am hoping if I am thinner I will have more energy.  

My worries are my health, my finances, my house and my complete lack of having any fun or social life or meaningful relationships.  All 4 are a big pain in the ass.  Nothing is really "wrong" w any of it but the margins are thin.  It's like of like if you ran your own business and were just getting by.  That's how I feel.  It's how I've felt my whole life.  It's like if you have PB&J every single day for lunch - yeah your not starving but c'mon.  There ought to be a whole lot more to lunch.  And a whole lot more to life.  

I need to find a way to "kick it into high gear" and speed ahead in these areas.  The problem w life is talk is cheap and all things are so much easier said than done.  Anything can go wrong at any second and completely derail your plan.  You can suffer an illness, an injury, the car can breakdown, the power can go out,  your job can disappear, people you count on can fuck you, you could be attacked or in some other way victimized by criminals, storms can come up out of nowhere shutdown entire cities.  

To be an adult is to realize that everything is a lie.  All history is a fairy tale, all forecasts are daydreams, plans foolishness.  

But I am still hanging in there.  I still find reward in various things and still have high hopes as I am feeling ok at the moment and just need a bit more strength to push ahead.  I'll find it.  

***Update:  had a relaxing day and just got up from a good nap 😴 so am feeling much better.  Sometimes I am too hard on myself and expect miracles to happen just because I have a little free time.  So all good ***

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Sometimes weekends are busier than the workweek!   I won't go through the the whole list of chores and errands but it is good news in the sense that I am at least feeling good to be able to be engaged like this.  And to be fair I did get to relax and watch TV Friday and Saturday nights and will again tonight Sunday if all goes to plan.  

I am lousy at planning so I use the term loosely.  The only time you can actually do anything is right now so planning is a waste of time unless it somehow encourages action which for me it doesn't.  

The weather has gotten much cooler here so there's that.  Do my best to deal w it all.  I guess that gets me back to why I think planning is a farce.  Like I said in the past biology is destiny.  You either have the power to do something or you don't.  To plan to do something you don't have the power to do is a foolish waste of time and energy.  

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