Depression

[Gabriela]

Hi.I feel like I'm falling apart and I need help.My parents are getting divorced after 20 years of marriage because my dad has been cheating on mom.I'm so hurt because of what my dad did to me.I've lost a lot of people recently and the most important one just told me I am no one for him from now on.I feel so alone.School is killing me too and I don't know what to do.I feel like I'm not doing anything right and like there's always something wrong with me.I feel extreme guilt for everything even the way I look.Please help me.

[LaLa]

Hello, Gabriela, welcome!  

I'm sorry you feel so hurt and guilty  . A divorce is often very painful for the children, mainly when the parents are in an ugly conflict. Would you tell us more about the situation in your family and perhaps at school, too?

5 hours ago, Gabriela said:

School is killing me too

In what sense?

Did it start after the conflict of your parents or even before? 

 

2 hours ago, Gabriela said:

what my dad did to me

[...] 

just told me I am no one for him from now on

Did he actually tell you this?  Or do you only deduce it from his behaviour or some other comments?

2 hours ago, Gabriela said:

I feel like I'm not doing anything right and like there's always something wrong with me.

It's good you're able to say "I feel like" - you admit it's possibly only your impression! And I'm quite sure it is. You may have done some wrong decisions and / or behaved in a "not ideal" way more often than it'd been "normal" for you, but isn't it a natural consequence of "unnatural" circumstances? 

What do you you think could be "wrong" with you? Don't you mean just some impacts of the emotions caused by the major changes in your life? Or do you generalize it and based on the refusal of your father, you feel being "wrong all in all"? In any case; there may be some things "going wrong" in your life, and it's important to start to address them if possible, but it would be better for you not to judge yourself harshly. You can take your anger and frustration as signals about your unmet needs and / or "ineffective coping strategies", for instance. But your anger and self-condamnation aren't telling you "the truth about yourself", your worth and potentials.

 

2 hours ago, Gabriela said:

I feel extreme guilt for everything even the way I look.

Guilt is a very common compagnon of people whose parents divorce or whose close-ones are in a personal distress in a different way. We naturally feel responsible, we believe we "could have done something" to prevent it or that "if we would be different, this wouldn't happen", ... Do you also think this way? And then your guilt is so strong that it spreads to "everything"...   Franz Kafka one allegedly said something in the sense like "the feeling of guilt without foundation is almost impossible to get rid of, exactly because there isn't an actual guilt". I can tell you your feeling of guild doesn't have real "foundation"; you certainly haven't done anything  "bad". But you can get rid of it gradually; by understanding better your feelings, hopefully by getting  some help / someone to talk to (I hope we can also help at least a bit), ... by, perhaps, talking to your parents more about what happened and how it affected you and them, at least a bit later, when the strongest emotions will be calmed.

Good luck and take good care!

[Gabriela]

6 hours ago, LaLa said:

Hello, Gabriela, welcome!  

I'm sorry you feel so hurt and guilty  . A divorce is often very painful for the children, mainly when the parents are in an ugly conflict. Would you tell us more about the situation in your family and perhaps at school, too?

In what sense?

Did it start after the conflict of your parents or even before? 

 

Did he actually tell you this?  Or do you only deduce it from his behaviour or some other comments?

It's good you're able to say "I feel like" - you admit it's possibly only your impression! And I'm quite sure it is. You may have done some wrong decisions and / or behaved in a "not ideal" way more often than it'd been "normal" for you, but isn't it a natural consequence of "unnatural" circumstances? 

What do you you think could be "wrong" with you? Don't you mean just some impacts of the emotions caused by the major changes in your life? Or do you generalize it and based on the refusal of your father, you feel being "wrong all in all"? In any case; there may be some things "going wrong" in your life, and it's important to start to address them if possible, but it would be better for you not to judge yourself harshly. You can take your anger and frustration as signals about your unmet needs and / or "ineffective coping strategies", for instance. But your anger and self-condamnation aren't telling you "the truth about yourself", your worth and potentials.

 

Guilt is a very common compagnon of people whose parents divorce or whose close-ones are in a personal distress in a different way. We naturally feel responsible, we believe we "could have done something" to prevent it or that "if we would be different, this wouldn't happen", ... Do you also think this way? And then your guilt is so strong that it spreads to "everything"...   Franz Kafka one allegedly said something in the sense like "the feeling of guilt without foundation is almost impossible to get rid of, exactly because there isn't an actual guilt". I can tell you your feeling of guild doesn't have real "foundation"; you certainly haven't done anything  "bad". But you can get rid of it gradually; by understanding better your feelings, hopefully by getting  some help / someone to talk to (I hope we can also help at least a bit), ... by, perhaps, talking to your parents more about what happened and how it affected you and them, at least a bit later, when the strongest emotions will be calmed.

Good luck and take good care!

With everything going on, I just feel so alone and like I'm not doing enough.The guilt I feel is because of the many things that I've heard recently and it seems like no matter how hard I try something always falls apart.I often feel like failure and I am trying my best not to hate myself for being so self conscious and too sensitive.I cry for so many things but I try to stay strong and that got me really tired.But thank you very much, you've been really helpful

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, Gabriela. It's okay to cry and feel sad. It's okay to be sensitive. I'm sensitive too and though it can be challenging at times, there is also a lot that is beautiful about being very feeling. I think so anyway. I also think that allowing our feelings and vulnerability can show strength. We're all human and we all hurt and struggle sometimes.

I'm sorry that you're going through so much right now. What is happening between your parents is not your fault and doesn't reflect on you in any way. I hear you that it's difficult to cope with. I'm sorry this is painful to you. I hope you can take some time this weekend to do things that you enjoy. I hope you will be gentle with yourself.

Take care.

[Gabriela]

8 minutes ago, IrmaJean said:

Welcome to the community, Gabriela. It's okay to cry and feel sad. It's okay to be sensitive. I'm sensitive too and though it can be challenging at times, there is also a lot that is beautiful about being very feeling. I think so anyway. I also think that allowing our feelings and vulnerability can show strength. We're all human and we all hurt and struggle sometimes.

I'm sorry that you're going through so much right now. What is happening between your parents is not your fault and doesn't reflect on you in any way. I hear you that it's difficult to cope with. I'm sorry this is painful to you. I hope you can take some time this weekend to do things that you enjoy. I hope you will be gentle with yourself.

Take care.

Thank you so much for understanding  I appreciate it.And yes, I will try to not be harsh with myself I just needed a little support to not feel so alone.